DEAR ABBY: I'm an 18-year-old girl. Romantic relationships have never meant much to me. It's fun to have someone to go to art galleries and coffee shops with, and to make out with in my car, but I don't have a need to tie myself down. I have had a lot of nice "flings" during high school, but it was high school, and it's time to move on.

My best friend of 11 years, "Mick," happens to be a boy. We decided in middle school that our relationship would be strictly platonic. Last night, Mick kissed me and told me he is in love with me. I don't feel the same. I'm not physically attracted to him. I tried to be nice and told Mick it would ruin our friendship, but he disagrees.

With any other guy, rejection is easy. But this is my best friend. Mick has low self-esteem when it comes to girls. If I say I'm not attracted to him, it'll hurt his feelings.

I feel stuck and angry. I told Mick the truth about how I felt a long time ago. Do I have to be mean to get my point across? Here's how I honestly feel: I love hanging out with him, but I find him repulsive-looking, and if he kisses me again he's getting slapped. I've never been mad at him before. Can you please help me? -- "ASHLEY" IN CLEVELAND

DEAR "ASHLEY": According to the letters I have received from men, most would prefer to be told the truth rather than be left hoping and dangling. You and Mick have different objectives. He wants romance; you want only friendship. It's time for you both to widen your circle of friends.

It isn't necessary to tell Mick that he's "repulsive" or that the next time he makes a move on you, you'll deck him. However, the sooner you tell him plainly that you consider him your best friend -- but nothing more -- and the "chemistry" isn't there for you, the better off you'll both be. Believe me, it's a lot kinder than stringing him along for company.

DEAR ABBY: There seems to be an awful lot of women exposing themselves on the Internet in graphic sexual fashion. My wife says that men degrade themselves by looking at them.

My question to you is, what is more degrading? Looking at them, or women exposing themselves? -- WONDERING IN PUYALLUP, WASH.

DEAR WONDERING: For a woman to post graphic sexual images for people she doesn't know to view strikes me as more degrading because it indicates that she thinks she has little else to offer.

However, for a married man to view those images could also be considered degrading -- and threatening -- to his wife. Many women have written to me because their husbands spend more time looking at porn on the Internet than having a sex life in their own bedroom. In other words, the practice became an addiction.

DEAR ABBY: There seems to be an awful lot of women exposing themselves on the Internet in graphic sexual fashion. My wife says that men degrade themselves by looking at them.

My question to you is, what is more degrading? Looking at them, or women exposing themselves? -- WONDERING IN PUYALLUP, WASH.

DEAR WONDERING: For a woman to post graphic sexual images for people she doesn't know to view strikes me as more degrading because it indicates that she thinks she has little else to offer.

However, for a married man to view those images could also be considered degrading -- and threatening -- to his wife. Many women have written to me because their husbands spend more time looking at porn on the Internet than having a sex life in their own bedroom. In other words, the practice became an addiction.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

4520 Main St., Kansas City, Mo. 64111; (816) 932-6600

DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with the older sister of my daughter's best friend. I'll refer to the girl as "Cassie." Cassie is 16 or 17, and she's attracted to my significant other of 19 years, "Adam," who is 42.

Adam and I are friendly with Cassie's parents. We socialize with them at school sporting events, as well as at-home get-togethers.

Over the past year, Cassie has started coming up to me and asking, "Where's Adam?" Then she will run and jump into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist as she says "Hi." Adam said she sometimes smacks him on the behind. She also stands directly in front of him and says things like, "Doesn't my butt look good?"

We have discussed this as a family, and have indicated to our daughter that we would never tolerate the same actions on her part. She agrees and expresses disgust. I have also pointed out to Adam that this would not sit well with him if, in two years, his daughter began exhibiting the same behavior with a friend's father -- or anyone else, for that matter.

How do we handle this without our friends becoming insulted? We suspect they think Cassie's behavior is "cute." -- DISGUSTED IN DECATUR, ILL.

DEAR DISGUSTED: Cassie's behavior is extremely inappropriate. You have described a young woman who has never learned boundaries. Could she have emotional problems?

If it happens again, Adam should tell her in plain English that she's too big and too heavy, and he doesn't like it. If she touches him inappropriately, he should tell her to stop because it is "disrespectful." As the adult, it's up to him to apply the brakes.

As to her questions about her posterior, it boggles my mind that Adam would actually respond to them, so he should continue to ignore them. It may also be necessary to stop socializing with the parents.

P.S. One way to approach the parents might be for Adam to call Cassie's father and ask what kind of insurance they have, in case his back goes out the next time their daughter jumps on him!

DEAR ABBY: My husband's stepmother loves to buy me clothes, but the clothes are -- shall I say tactfully -- not my taste. She also buys my husband and me underwear, which makes me extremely uncomfortable.

Usually I gracefully accept her gifts, then donate them to charity. I feel guilty that she spends time shopping and buying items that she thinks I would like. But honestly, I find them unattractive and inappropriate. Recently, she insulted me by buying me clothes that were several sizes too large. I'm sure she selected them out of ignorance, not malice, but the implication that she thinks I'm much larger than I am makes me angry.

Should I say something to her about the incorrect sizes? And how can I steer her away from buying these unsuitable gifts? -- ILL-FITTING IN HIGHLAND VILLAGE, TEXAS

DEAR ILL-FITTING: Has it occurred to you that your well-meaning but misguided mother-in-law may love you like the daughter she always wanted, and that's why she's buying you clothes? Or, she may have too much time on her hands and spends her time shopping.

To refuse her gifts would be rude, but a better solution might be to suggest that you go shopping together. That way, at least you'd have something you might enjoy.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl. Lately I have been dealing with overwhelming feelings of sadness and depression. Just recently I found out that my sister's ex had physically abused her and her daughter. When my sister told me, she made me swear I wouldn't tell our parents. Not only do our parents not know, but she refuses to take it to court or to report it. When I confronted her, she told me she would rather put it behind her and forget about it.

I don't understand how she can let this man get away with what he did.

I don't know who to turn to. If I tell my parents, my sister will never trust me again. But if I don't tell, he might come back and hurt them. Please tell me what to do. -- TERRIFIED FOR MY SISTER

DEAR TERRIFIED: Your sister, like many victims of domestic violence, may blame herself for what happened to her and feel too embarrassed to report it. It is also not uncommon for men who beat up their partners to also abuse their children.

For her daughter's sake, the crime(s) should have been reported when they occurred and there was solid proof. However, because she didn't do that, I can only hope that she will keep the child away from her father -- who obviously hasn't enough impulse control to safely act as a responsible parent.

Some secrets are meant to be kept, but this isn't one of them. There is no reason you should carry this burden alone. Tell your parents and don't feel guilty about it. I have been advised that depression is anger turned inward. You are sad because you feel helpless to do anything about your sister's circumstances. Once your parents know what happened, they can help your sister ensure her safety and that of her daughter.

DEAR ABBY: Marrying one's high school sweetheart is common in my family. My parents, both of my aunts and two cousins are happily married to the people they began dating exclusively when they were teenagers.

Now my older brother, "Aiden," has joined their ranks. He recently married a girl he had dated since eighth grade. They are only 23, but blissfully happy. I'm glad for my brother, but now my relatives are wondering why I haven't followed suit.

There is no going back to high school for me, so I find myself trapped in awkward blind dates as loving family members -- especially my mother -- desperately try to find someone for me.

How can I make them understand that I really don't want to go out with the neighbor boy who is three years younger than I am? Also, is there something wrong with me because I haven't found "the one," as my other family members have? -- OLD MAID OF THE FAMILY, MANSFIELD, TEXAS

DEAR OLD MAID: The surest way to make your family understand is to keep your sense of humor about their attempts at matchmaking and not to become defensive. There is nothing wrong with being single -- people are remaining single longer now than ever before. Some men -- and women -- remain single their entire lives, and happily so. So please don't allow yourself to be made to feel time is running out because you haven't rushed to the altar. It takes some people longer than others to find that perfect match, but in most cases, "there's a pot for every lid."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)