DEAR ABBY: I'm having a problem with the older sister of my daughter's best friend. I'll refer to the girl as "Cassie." Cassie is 16 or 17, and she's attracted to my significant other of 19 years, "Adam," who is 42.
Adam and I are friendly with Cassie's parents. We socialize with them at school sporting events, as well as at-home get-togethers.
Over the past year, Cassie has started coming up to me and asking, "Where's Adam?" Then she will run and jump into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist as she says "Hi." Adam said she sometimes smacks him on the behind. She also stands directly in front of him and says things like, "Doesn't my butt look good?"
We have discussed this as a family, and have indicated to our daughter that we would never tolerate the same actions on her part. She agrees and expresses disgust. I have also pointed out to Adam that this would not sit well with him if, in two years, his daughter began exhibiting the same behavior with a friend's father -- or anyone else, for that matter.
How do we handle this without our friends becoming insulted? We suspect they think Cassie's behavior is "cute." -- DISGUSTED IN DECATUR, ILL.
DEAR DISGUSTED: Cassie's behavior is extremely inappropriate. You have described a young woman who has never learned boundaries. Could she have emotional problems?
If it happens again, Adam should tell her in plain English that she's too big and too heavy, and he doesn't like it. If she touches him inappropriately, he should tell her to stop because it is "disrespectful." As the adult, it's up to him to apply the brakes.
As to her questions about her posterior, it boggles my mind that Adam would actually respond to them, so he should continue to ignore them. It may also be necessary to stop socializing with the parents.
P.S. One way to approach the parents might be for Adam to call Cassie's father and ask what kind of insurance they have, in case his back goes out the next time their daughter jumps on him!