DEAR ABBY: Our youngest son, "Devin," is 15. He has been seeing a girl I'll call "Allison" for five months. Allison's parents allow them to hang out at their house with parental supervision. Devin has come home twice with hickeys, and once with permanent marker on his chest and abdomen saying "Allison's boob" and "Allison's property."

I have spoken to Allison's father more than once about their extreme intimacy at this age. (She's 14.) He assures me that they are supervised.

I feel my son is too young for this relationship, but I am unsure that forcing it to end would be the best option. We invite Allison over as often as our work schedules allow. They are allowed to listen to music in his room, but the door is always open, and we're "hovering" most of the time. We also engage in family games with her and our son.

How can we get this relationship out of the bedroom and into the light? -- FURIOUS IN VENTURA, CALIF.

DEAR FURIOUS: You have described two healthy, normal young people with too much time on their hands and one set of parents with their heads in the sand.

The time has come to involve your son in after-school sports, an extracurricular class or a part-time job. Any of these will allow Devin less time in Allison's bedroom.

If that's not feasible, then I urge you to ensure that your son is fully informed about birth control and sexually transmitted diseases and has access to condoms. The same goes for Allison. Better to be safe than sorry.

DEAR ABBY: A few years ago, I was pregnant with my son. When I was eight months along, my cousin gave me a baby walker that I had listed on my registry. She then left on a trip out of the country.

A week later, my baby boy was stillborn. I was devastated. When my cousin returned from her trip, she actually asked me to return her gift. She said that since the baby was dead, she didn't think I "needed it" anymore.

Perhaps that was true, but I was outraged at her actions. Do I have any right to be so mad? -- MOURNING IN OHIO

DEAR MOURNING: Your cousin's request was outrageously insensitive, and her timing was awful. Under the circumstances, your reaction was natural and justified. Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss.

DEAR ABBY: Although I have lived in Denver for a number of years, I still have a very thick, very Southern accent. I am often asked, "Where did you come from?" My answer is usually, "From my mother!"

Am I overly sensitive, or are people being rude? If you have a more appropriate answer, please share it with me. -- DRAWLING IN DENVER

DEAR DRAWLING: When people hear an accent -- regional or foreign -- they are inclined to be curious. Although it is technically rude to ask a stranger a personal question about his or her background, I don't think it's meant to be insulting. Because you don't care to elaborate on your background, your answer is fine.

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DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Dawn" for a year and a half. Early in our relationship she cheated on me. I love Dawn more than I have loved anyone before, but I can't bring myself to completely trust her.

She wants to move in with me now. My heart and my brain are telling me two different things. What do I do? -- AMBIVALENT IN YAPHANK, N.Y.

DEAR AMBIVALENT: Listen to the organ that thinks.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a university, in an office that caters to student needs. Therefore, there is constant traffic consisting of students, faculty and staff.

I share space with a 22-year-old administrative assistant, and our office is flooded with music throughout the day. I realize that some people "need" noise, but I am not one of them. It's challenging to meet and advise students in this semi-private environment while music is blaring, and even daily tasks and phone calls are an issue. On occasion, the selections are inappropriate for the office.

She is a nice girl, but how do I approach her and/or my supervisor without sounding like a tattletale or a complainer? -- HAD IT WITH THE SOUND TRACK

DEAR HAD IT: If you haven't already done so, talk with the young woman and explain that while some people love music while they work, others are distracted by it and find it difficult to function, and you fall into that category. If she's unwilling to cooperate after that, then perhaps your supervisor can help her see the light.

DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old nephew, "Andy," is destructive. He lies constantly and frequently steals small items.

I offered to assist my sister, "Mary," by baby-sitting Andy when she began working again after her divorce became final. Day-care is extremely expensive, and I doubted she could afford it. This was over a year ago, and the problems started right away.

After the most recent occurrence, I finally went ballistic even though the items Andy stole cost only 33 cents. I have had it! When Andy is confronted, he always says someone else did it (I have children of my own), that someone gave it to him (which has never been the case), "it was an accident" or "it was already like that" (half the time either my husband or I had seen him break the item). Andy has never admitted what he has done or said he was sorry.

I finally informed Mary that I'm no longer available to watch her son due to his outrageous behavior, and I never want him in my house again. I haven't spoken to my sister in months. I see no future for Andy except prison. Is there a program for someone like him to prevent that in the future? -- AT A LOSS IN MISSOURI

DEAR AT A LOSS: Your nephew is a very angry little boy. Not only has Andy lost his father, but his mother has gone from being a full-time mommy into the workforce while he was left in a household where he is no longer the center of attention. In addition, he may also have some emotional problems or learning disabilities.

Giving your sister the silent treatment isn't the answer. Her son should be evaluated by a mental health professional, and the place to start is by asking the boy's pediatrician for a referral. Please urge her to do it ASAP.

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DEAR ABBY: "On Foot in Orlando" (Nov. 23) wrote about being nearly run down by bicycles going too fast, especially when they don't warn that they're approaching. When I'm on my bike, I always slow down and call out "On your left!" to warn the walker that I'm passing.

On the other hand, while I'm riding, I frequently encounter walkers three or four abreast, or pedestrians walking dead center or meandering zigzag down a path. In those cases, I ring my bell, say, "On your left," and slow almost to a complete stop -- only to be totally ignored, leaving me with no alternative but to ride on the grass. Sometimes the three-abreast walkers are coming straight at me and clearly see me, but still won't move over and give me enough space to pass them (something that also happens when I'm walking).

The obvious solution is for walkers and riders to be considerate of one another, recognizing that we share a common road through life. -- CELIA IN MISSOULA, MONT.

DEAR CELIA: I agree with you on that. Good manners can smooth many potentially abrasive situations. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Where I live, there are no bike lanes separate from the walking lanes on the shared path. We are allowed to ride bikes on sidewalks, except on Main Street. I only wish bikers here had bicycle bells, but they don't seem to have ever heard of them, nor do they say "coming through" or "on your left" -- they just come whizzing by. I'm hoping some of them will read this and take pity on walkers. -- WALKER AND BIKER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR ABBY: I am neither a biker nor a walker on a path. A cyclist ringing his bell signaling me to move would do no good, so I guess I'd be one of those ending up with "great bodily harm," as you put it. You see, I'm hard-of-hearing and could not hear that dinging bell behind me.

What if the person ahead of you is deaf? People can't see deafness as a handicap the way they can if somebody has a cane, etc. And, yes, I do wear hearing aids, in case some of your readers are thinking, "Get a hearing aid." Hearing aids help, but they are not a cure-all. (And many elderly people don't hear well either.)

So, bikers, do not totally rely on your bell to signal people to move. If there are pedestrians where you're riding, I urge you to use caution in case somebody might have a hearing impairment. -- HARD-OF-HEARING IN WEST TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: When bicyclists, roller-bladers, joggers, walkers and tricycle riders all share the same path, the general rule is that the slowest person keeps to the right. This allows the roller-bladers and cyclists to pass without causing alarm. Conflict usually arises when a group of people is walking together, taking up most of the walkway and making it impossible for others to pass, or when someone is wearing headphones and is oblivious to other users.

Unfortunately, when people don't observe basic courtesies on shared pathways, everyone becomes frustrated. -- ANN IN BRANFORD, CONN.

DEAR READERS: That's right. Obviously, the rule should be to use caution on shared pathways, whether you are walking or riding -- and instead of taking for granted that you have the right of way, show consideration for others and practice good manners.

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