DEAR ABBY: I have been seeing "Dawn" for a year and a half. Early in our relationship she cheated on me. I love Dawn more than I have loved anyone before, but I can't bring myself to completely trust her.

She wants to move in with me now. My heart and my brain are telling me two different things. What do I do? -- AMBIVALENT IN YAPHANK, N.Y.

DEAR AMBIVALENT: Listen to the organ that thinks.

DEAR ABBY: I work at a university, in an office that caters to student needs. Therefore, there is constant traffic consisting of students, faculty and staff.

I share space with a 22-year-old administrative assistant, and our office is flooded with music throughout the day. I realize that some people "need" noise, but I am not one of them. It's challenging to meet and advise students in this semi-private environment while music is blaring, and even daily tasks and phone calls are an issue. On occasion, the selections are inappropriate for the office.

She is a nice girl, but how do I approach her and/or my supervisor without sounding like a tattletale or a complainer? -- HAD IT WITH THE SOUND TRACK

DEAR HAD IT: If you haven't already done so, talk with the young woman and explain that while some people love music while they work, others are distracted by it and find it difficult to function, and you fall into that category. If she's unwilling to cooperate after that, then perhaps your supervisor can help her see the light.

DEAR ABBY: My 6-year-old nephew, "Andy," is destructive. He lies constantly and frequently steals small items.

I offered to assist my sister, "Mary," by baby-sitting Andy when she began working again after her divorce became final. Day-care is extremely expensive, and I doubted she could afford it. This was over a year ago, and the problems started right away.

After the most recent occurrence, I finally went ballistic even though the items Andy stole cost only 33 cents. I have had it! When Andy is confronted, he always says someone else did it (I have children of my own), that someone gave it to him (which has never been the case), "it was an accident" or "it was already like that" (half the time either my husband or I had seen him break the item). Andy has never admitted what he has done or said he was sorry.

I finally informed Mary that I'm no longer available to watch her son due to his outrageous behavior, and I never want him in my house again. I haven't spoken to my sister in months. I see no future for Andy except prison. Is there a program for someone like him to prevent that in the future? -- AT A LOSS IN MISSOURI

DEAR AT A LOSS: Your nephew is a very angry little boy. Not only has Andy lost his father, but his mother has gone from being a full-time mommy into the workforce while he was left in a household where he is no longer the center of attention. In addition, he may also have some emotional problems or learning disabilities.

Giving your sister the silent treatment isn't the answer. Her son should be evaluated by a mental health professional, and the place to start is by asking the boy's pediatrician for a referral. Please urge her to do it ASAP.

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DEAR ABBY: "On Foot in Orlando" (Nov. 23) wrote about being nearly run down by bicycles going too fast, especially when they don't warn that they're approaching. When I'm on my bike, I always slow down and call out "On your left!" to warn the walker that I'm passing.

On the other hand, while I'm riding, I frequently encounter walkers three or four abreast, or pedestrians walking dead center or meandering zigzag down a path. In those cases, I ring my bell, say, "On your left," and slow almost to a complete stop -- only to be totally ignored, leaving me with no alternative but to ride on the grass. Sometimes the three-abreast walkers are coming straight at me and clearly see me, but still won't move over and give me enough space to pass them (something that also happens when I'm walking).

The obvious solution is for walkers and riders to be considerate of one another, recognizing that we share a common road through life. -- CELIA IN MISSOULA, MONT.

DEAR CELIA: I agree with you on that. Good manners can smooth many potentially abrasive situations. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Where I live, there are no bike lanes separate from the walking lanes on the shared path. We are allowed to ride bikes on sidewalks, except on Main Street. I only wish bikers here had bicycle bells, but they don't seem to have ever heard of them, nor do they say "coming through" or "on your left" -- they just come whizzing by. I'm hoping some of them will read this and take pity on walkers. -- WALKER AND BIKER IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR ABBY: I am neither a biker nor a walker on a path. A cyclist ringing his bell signaling me to move would do no good, so I guess I'd be one of those ending up with "great bodily harm," as you put it. You see, I'm hard-of-hearing and could not hear that dinging bell behind me.

What if the person ahead of you is deaf? People can't see deafness as a handicap the way they can if somebody has a cane, etc. And, yes, I do wear hearing aids, in case some of your readers are thinking, "Get a hearing aid." Hearing aids help, but they are not a cure-all. (And many elderly people don't hear well either.)

So, bikers, do not totally rely on your bell to signal people to move. If there are pedestrians where you're riding, I urge you to use caution in case somebody might have a hearing impairment. -- HARD-OF-HEARING IN WEST TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: When bicyclists, roller-bladers, joggers, walkers and tricycle riders all share the same path, the general rule is that the slowest person keeps to the right. This allows the roller-bladers and cyclists to pass without causing alarm. Conflict usually arises when a group of people is walking together, taking up most of the walkway and making it impossible for others to pass, or when someone is wearing headphones and is oblivious to other users.

Unfortunately, when people don't observe basic courtesies on shared pathways, everyone becomes frustrated. -- ANN IN BRANFORD, CONN.

DEAR READERS: That's right. Obviously, the rule should be to use caution on shared pathways, whether you are walking or riding -- and instead of taking for granted that you have the right of way, show consideration for others and practice good manners.

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DEAR ABBY: I'm a middle-aged man who has been married for 20 years. I own a duplex in a nice neighborhood. Last week, I put an ad in the paper and a 21-year-old woman came to look at the upstairs apartment. The problem is, I found her attractive and had sex with her downstairs while my wife was not home.

What should I do? -- COULDN'T HELP MYSELF IN NEW YORK

DEAR COULDN'T HELP YOURSELF: While you were checking the woman out, did you also check her references? If the answer is no, you should hasten to your doctor to be checked for every STD known to man and woman, because you not only had unprotected sex with a stranger, but with one who would ALSO have sex with a stranger.

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Larry," has lost his driver's license until the case can go to court. However, he still continues to drive. Larry's wife doesn't want a confrontation with him, but she is worried that if he should get into an accident, he could be arrested. We're all concerned because with his license suspended, his insurance might not cover any accident or ensuing lawsuit, and his family could be bankrupt.

What should his wife do? Hide the keys? Call the police? -- WORRIED MOM, ONTARIO, CANADA

DEAR WORRIED MOM: You have every right to be concerned, and so does Larry's wife. For an adult, your son's behavior is immature and shows extremely poor judgment.

It's too bad that your daughter-in-law is afraid of a confrontation because that is what it may take. You ask if she should hide the keys or call the police. I have another suggestion. If necessary, she should give your son's keys to YOU, to be returned only after his case has been adjudicated.

DEAR ABBY: I have lived in my condo for three years. My across-the-hall neighbors moved in two years ago. To welcome them, I left a bottle of wine, some bread and a floral arrangement outside their door. I received a gracious thank-you note in return. Since then, we have talked in the hall, but socialized only rarely because I travel frequently for business.

I recently married a phenomenal man. He also travels extensively, so he has rarely seen our neighbors. When he moved his belongings into our condo, the neighbors popped over with a bottle of wine (they have a cellar) and a fruit basket. We thanked them profusely, but I handed the bottle of wine back, stating, "We don't drink, but maybe you could open it and think of us when you do."

What I didn't mention to the neighbors is the fact that my husband is a recovering alcoholic, 15 years and counting. Again, thanks were offered and I wrote a thank-you card that very night. While I was writing the card, my husband gently intimated that I may have committed a faux pas by returning the wine. He thinks we should have accepted it to be hospitable, then re-gifted it to someone else. What do you think? -- NO OFFENSE INTENDED IN N.Y.

DEAR NO OFFENSE INTENDED: What's done is done, so don't flog yourself. However, once a gift is received, it belongs to the recipient to do with as he or she wishes. And the "proper" thing to have done would have been to thank them warmly for their thoughtfulness -- and then re-gifted it to someone else.

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