DEAR ABBY: I am ashamed and angry at myself because I think I have made a mistake that is impossible to correct.

Two detectives came to my home about two years ago to ask me about a teacher I'd had in high school. He was being investigated for molesting boys. I told them, my wife and my parents that nothing had happened to me. In fact, he had molested me for more than two years. He was charged with molesting some boys and taking pictures of them performing sexual acts, but I learned recently that those charges were dropped because of some legal technicality.

One of my friends from high school nearly committed suicide because of what this man did. I feel awful about having lied, and now this man is free to do it to others.

Abby, that teacher took pictures and made movies of me. That's how he made me do things with him. He told me if I didn't, he'd send them to my parents and my friends.

The guilt is killing me. Please tell me what you would do in my situation. Please do not reveal my name or location. -- DIDN'T TELL THE TRUTH

DEAR DIDN'T TELL: There may be a way to correct your mistake. If more men step forward and reveal how this predator molested and blackmailed them, other charges could be filed. Of course, this will require honesty and courage from you and more of his other victims.

Here is what I'd do: I would ask my doctor for a referral to a psychotherapist who specializes in victims of sexual abuse. Then I would contact the district attorney, give an honest statement, and have that office help you locate your classmate who "almost committed suicide" to see if he will finally reveal what happened. It was not his fault, and perhaps knowing that may help him come forward. The crimes that were committed against you both are appalling, and the perpetrator belongs behind bars.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 14-year-old guy in high school. Two of my best friends have started smoking pot before school every morning. They have asked me to join them and "do it just once." I have tried over and over to get them to stop. They say things like, "It's the best feeling in the world," and "It doesn't hurt you at all."

I know for a fact that what they're saying isn't true. But I don't want to lose them as friends. What should I do? -- JUST SAYING NO IN MONTROSE, COLO.

DEAR SAYING NO: I have news for your friends. Smoking pot may seem like it's the "best feeling in the world," and "it won't hurt them at all," but walking into class stoned can be fatal when it comes to paying attention, retaining information and earning passing grades.

Smoking marijuana on a daily basis is the definition of addiction. If used frequently, it has been known to cause users to lose their initiative. ("Why bother to try?") Not only should you not join them, you should quietly inform a responsible adult about what's going on. What your friends are doing is illegal, and their "harmless habit" could prevent them from earning a high school diploma.

DEAR ABBY: I am 19, going on 20. My boyfriend, "Alex," is 28. We have been together for about two years and are completely happy together.

The only problem is Alex says he never wants to get married or have kids -- ever. I have never pushed the issue, and I don't plan on marriage or kids for a long time. But am I wasting my time going with someone who doesn't want the same things as I do in the end? -- CONFUSED IN OHIO

DEAR CONFUSED: Yes.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: Please advise "Has Issues in New Hampshire" (Dec. 5) to speak up now. My husband and I were married when my daughter was 8. He adopted her, but even after that, when his family took photographs, she was excluded. She's now 29 and still remembers those hurtful occasions when she was not included.

Ironically, the sister who did it every year is now married and has an adopted son, so things have changed. But I deeply regret not saying something years ago because it affected the way my daughter feels about her aunt. -- WISER NOW, FARWELL, MICH.

DEAR WISER NOW: While most readers agreed that what the unofficial family photographer did was wrong, in fairness, not everyone did. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I see nothing wrong with taking photos of various family groups. Both my family and my husband's do it. We take pictures of everyone -- just the siblings; the parents and children; the parents, children and spouses; all the grandchildren; etc. "Marian" took pictures that included all the children, so stop whining. -- NINE IN PLEASANT GAP, PA.

DEAR ABBY: "Marian" is the one who should be excluded, for her stupidity. Our family is comprised of several blended families. We never use the words "step" or "half" -- ever. It is always "my sister," "my brother," "my mother," "my father."

When a sister died suddenly at 47, we all grieved. When another was brutally murdered at 41, we all grieved. Both times, all the sisters approached to place a rose into the casket to honor our beloved sibling. Each time I turned around I saw my beloved "blended" family grieving as one.

My advice to "Marian" would be to buy a camera with a really wide-angle lens and leave nobody out. -- ELIZABETH IN WOODVILLE, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: The letter about the stepmom who insists on taking a yearly photograph of "blood" family members only made me chuckle.

Years ago, when our daughter was 6 weeks old (her brother was almost 2), we made the four-hour drive to attend my husband's family reunion. The baby screamed the whole last half-hour of the ride. I nursed her as soon as we arrived and handed her off to a cousin so I could eat.

Before I could finish, we were "summoned" to the back yard, where several aunts were taking family pictures. I decided they would just have to do without our sleeping daughter. My husband and I posed with our son, but before we could get away, the cousin ratted us out. The baby, now screaming again, was presented to be added to the picture. The ladies were annoyed that they'd "wasted a shot," but aimed their cameras again.

Afterward, I looked down and was horrified to see our son had been picking his nose. So our branch of the family was recorded with a screaming infant, a daughter-in-law who was angry enough to chew broken glass, and a 2-year-old with both index fingers buried in his nose. -- DEL IN MOBILE, ALA.

DEAR ABBY: Out of my parents' six grandchildren, only two are biological; however, my parents make no distinction. "Marian" needs to be reminded that family is family. As far as our family is concerned, the "bonus children" are just as much "Calhouns" as the other grandkids. One of my favorite quotes is by Goldie Nash, who said, "Blood may be thicker than water, but love is thicker than blood." -- BRENDA Z., STAUNTON, VA.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After 30 years as a widow, I married a wonderful, gentle, caring man. The problem is his son, "Byron." Byron is a 50-year-old druggie who doesn't work and sponges off his father by making promises he never keeps.

My husband forgives him over and over because Byron is his only son. But the fighting is going to cause my husband to have a heart attack. His son rants, screams and threatens. I have personally heard him make death threats.

I finally lost my temper and told Byron exactly how I feel. Now he is refusing to come over, refuses to help his father in any way and blames me. I know what he is doing, and it breaks my heart to see my husband in such pain.

What can I do to mend the fences? Everything I said to his son is the truth. Please guide me. -- HEARTSICK IN SEATTLE

DEAR HEARTSICK: Your husband's "child" is an addict. One of the things addicts do -- and quite adeptly -- is manipulate those around them into enabling them to continue their habit. The harder a person tries to protect the addict, the more it makes the addict able to continue his/her self-destructive behavior. The reason Byron acts the way he does is because it has always worked.

Believe it or not, your husband needs help right now as much as -- or more than -- his son does. An excellent place to find it would be the Nar-Anon Family Groups, a support group founded in 1967 that offers insight and support to families and friends of addicts. It provides a safe place for members to share their experience, hope and strength with each other. To locate a group in your area, call toll-free (800) 477-6291 or visit its Web site at � HYPERLINK "http://www.Nar-Anon.org" ��www.Nar-Anon.org�.

DEAR ABBY: I am 44, a newly single mother of three young children. Two years ago I discovered that my husband had been leading a double life -- including lying, cheating, stealing and substance abuse. One of his affairs was with my favorite cousin, "Charlotte." I had always looked up to her. The news was devastating.

Equally devastating is the reaction of my family. They consider Charlotte to be a "victim" of my former husband. They say I should get over it and move on. They want to invite her to family functions, including my youngest sister's wedding, in which my children and I have been asked to participate.

Since the affair, Charlotte has continued to be an alcoholic. She has never attempted to apologize appropriately. Once she did, but she was drunk and refused to take responsibility for her actions. Out of respect for my feelings, I think Charlotte should be excluded from the wedding. If she is invited, I'm not sure my children and I will attend. What do you think? -- OUTRAGED IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR OUTRAGED: You should thank your higher power that you're rid of the substance-abusing, morally challenged philanderer you married. He had the affair with Charlotte because she was handy, vulnerable and addled by alcohol. She has tried to apologize, but because she was drunk couldn't get her message across. Does this absolve her? No! But until Charlotte sobers up, expecting an "appropriate" apology is as unrealistic as asking someone with a broken leg to tap-dance.

Take part in the wedding and allow yourself to have a good time. Stop nursing your anger for Charlotte and direct it where it belongs -- at your ex. Do this if not for yourself, then in the name of family unity. No woman is an island, and with your current mind-set, you're only isolating yourself.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)