DEAR ABBY: I was having lunch in a restaurant recently. Seated next to us was a family who had an assistance dog for their teenage son. I was appalled when someone from another table approached the dog, began talking baby talk to it (while ignoring the people!) and dropped a scrap of meat on the floor in front of the dog's nose.

The dog ignored the "treat," and the mother calmly asked the person to please stop distracting their assistance dog while it was working. I was dazzled by her politeness in the face of such rudeness and thoughtlessness.

Abby, people need to know how to behave around assistance dogs so they don't endanger the person with a disability or the dog:

(1) Always speak to the person first. Do not make distracting noises to the dog.

(2) Always ask before you pet. Do not touch the service dog without first asking for and receiving permission. Petting should be minimal and cease as soon as the person gives the dog a command.

(3) Never feed or offer food to a working dog. It distracts him and lures him away from his important job as an assistance dog.

(4) Do not let your dog initiate contact with a working dog while it's on duty.

(5) Do not ask personal questions about the person's disability or otherwise intrude on his/her privacy.

The Americans With Disabilities Act (ADA) ensures people with assistance dogs have access to public places and businesses. Please welcome them into your establishment. -- KARYL CARMIGNANI, CANINE COMPANIONS FOR INDEPENDENCE

DEAR KARYL: It's amazing how many animal lovers do not grasp the fact that when they see an assistance dog out in public that the animal is WORKING. Although wanting to reach out and touch it is natural, it is no more correct than it would be to pet a dog that works in law enforcement. Thank you for your informative letter. I hope readers will learn from it because many of your comments apply to animals in general.

DEAR ABBY: I have a hereditary trait for low vision that is not correctible with glasses. The fact that I cannot see well is not obvious to most people. All my life people have been judgmental and become offended and stay mad forever when I don't recognize them from across the room or street, or remember them after I haven't seen them for a while.

As a professional, I have tried many exercises in recognizing people who don't have an outstanding physical trait to remember them by. Also (for example), women change their hairstyle or color often, and I can't discern facial features very well.

I just want to remind people that some of us have medical problems you don't know about, and we are not unfriendly or rude or have bad manners. Please give people the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes there are things about someone you don't know. Please stop being so judgmental and count your blessings. -- LEGALLY BLIND IN AMERICA

DEAR L.B.: You have less a vision problem than you have a communication problem. Remaining silent about your disability is like trying to smuggle dawn past a rooster. People already know something is wrong. They think it's your personality. The sooner you set them straight and let them know it's your vision, the sooner your problem will resolve itself.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: We have a large collection of 18th- and 19th-century antiques, mostly inherited. It consists of furniture, silver, china, Oriental rugs and artwork. Our son professes an interest when asked, but recently threw out a very good (but not antique) rug we had given him. He replaced it with a rug from IKEA.

His wife is a sweet woman, but does not care at all about possessions. Their house is chaos -- a big way station. Because these possessions are family items going back generations, I'm floored by his not understanding the significance and the good fortune of having them. How should I approach this? -- ROBERT IN ATLANTA

DEAR ROBERT: Talk to your son, but above all, do not be defensive. His and your daughter-in-law's inability to appreciate the value of the heirlooms isn't a personal rejection. Forgive me if this seems blasphemous, but some people consider antiques to be simply used furniture. And they don't want the responsibility of polishing silver or having to worry about breaking a dish.

Because your son's lifestyle is so different from your own, please give serious consideration to donating your heirlooms to a museum or selling them to someone who will appreciate their value. The proceeds could be placed in trust for the next generation of your family, and you will have peace of mind knowing your heirlooms will be preserved.

DEAR ABBY: I'm the only African-American at my job. I work in a small office. I enjoy my job and get along with everyone -- including the individual I have issues with. I'll call him "Rick." Rick thinks it's comical to always talk to me with what I'll refer to as "homeboy slang."

When another co-worker asked about my plans for the holidays, Rick chimed in and said, "Y'all know she ain't 'bout to tell y'all her business." Abby, I don't talk like that, and I was offended by his statement. Some co-workers laughed while others said they agreed he was being rude.

I usually ignore him, but I can't do that any longer. I deal with ignorance all the time, but it's embarrassing at my workplace. How can I put Rick in his place without blowing my top? -- HAD IT IN NORTH BERGEN, N.J.

DEAR HAD IT: The ideal time to have spoken up was the first time your co-worker pulled that nonsense. Take Rick aside and tell him privately that he embarrassed you and that the connotation is racist. If the man has any manners or common sense at all, he will apologize. But whether he does or not, make clear that the next time it happens you'll complain to the boss. His behavior is over the line and not funny.

DEAR ABBY: Something has bothered me for a long time, and I'm wondering if it's just me.

My women friends and I will walk into a restaurant and the waiter or waitress will come up and say, "What can I do for you guys?" or, "What would you guys like?" Then, after we've started eating, the person will return and ask, "How are you guys doing?"

Abby, I'm not a guy. I'm a lady. Why can't these people simply ask, "How are you today?" What do you think? Am I too sensitive? -- DISGRUNTLED IN LOMPOC, CALIF.

DEAR DISGRUNTLED: You are being addressed that way because the server was not taught differently. Also, your server may be quite young and using the most casual form of English. Are you too sensitive? If you're letting it ruin your meal, yes, I think so.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My son is a police officer in the same town where I work (population 6,000). Over the last five years, I have been confronted by co-workers who have been cited by him. I have tried many responses, but the hits keep coming.

I have told them that when he does his job, it has nothing to do with me. I have tried reminding them that he has a boss they can file a complaint with. I have tried joking, and I have gotten upset.

Last week, things got worse. My supervisor was pulled over by another officer from the same department. She was cited for multiple infractions and her vehicle was towed. She proceeded to call me at home and tell me to deliver a message to my son that all the officers in that department are "@#!*@!" Of all people, she knows how hard it has been for me. Abby, I was shocked.

I have to work with this woman in the same classroom every day. (Yes, she's a teacher.) Please tell me how to handle this. -- TRAPPED IN NORTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR TRAPPED: If she's treating you differently in the classroom, you will have to have a talk with her about it because it could affect your career. And I am sure she'd prefer that you not be forced to take this matter to the principal of the school.

Your supervisor's car may have been towed because she was so smashed she couldn't make it safely home. When people have overindulged, they often become overly emotional and show poor judgment -- which is the condition the woman appears to have been in when she called you. It is entirely possible that she no longer remembers anything about that conversation.

It appears your son and his cohorts are doing their job conscientiously and effectively. Please don't allow those they have ticketed to intimidate you. They have no one to blame but themselves for their predicament.

DEAR ABBY: It's snowbird time again in the Sunbelt. After a long hot summer, our family looks forward to these mild winter days. That is, except for the inevitable arrival of the "Snowbirds." I'm avoiding the temptation to use their real names.

These two "birds" don't fly in with just a suitcase and a few things on hangers. They arrive complete with a 40-foot motor home and an excitable cocker spaniel with a serious incontinence problem.

These people know my husband and I have full-time jobs and four children who are all involved in after-school activities. We have neither the time, the legal parking space nor the desire to have them here.

This is especially hard for me to swallow because while I was growing up, these relatives never once sent me a birthday or Christmas card, never came to any of my recitals or my high school graduation, nor did they respond to the invitation to my wedding.

What can I do with these people? (Please don't suggest murder -- we've considered it.) But we think our chances of getting a jury of 12 snowbird hosts are slim. -- ANNUALLY AGITATED IN ARIZONA

DEAR AGITATED: I have an easier solution. When the Snowbirds call to tell you they're coming, inform them that you won't be hosting them this year -- and pass along the address of the nearest RV park. You are under no obligation to host anyone who isn't welcome, and you have already been taken advantage of enough.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)