DEAR ABBY: I am a professional woman in my late 20s. I admit to being commitment-phobic. I have no desire to be married or even in a relationship. I have always felt this way.
I recently began having an affair with a married man. We have never spoken about his wife, but he knows I know he's married. I do not want an emotional relationship with him, and I think he is on the same page.
I know I should feel guilty about this, but somehow I don't. I feel as though his wife undoubtedly realizes what's going on. Considering that he spends every other weekend at my house, how could she not know? Maybe she's choosing to ignore it. Could this be the reason I'm having a hard time feeling guilty?
I have always despised cheaters. What has prompted me to change and be so heartless? At this point, the only reason I would want to end this liaison would be if he were to tell me he wanted more from this situation. Abby, I need some tough, honest, brutal advice to make me finally stop this. -- THE OTHER WOMAN IN ST. PAUL
DEAR OTHER WOMAN: I'll try. If you truly felt good about this relationship, you would not have written to me asking for my help in ending it. Whether your lover's wife knows about the affair or not is beside the point. She may tolerate it because she enjoys her lifestyle and doesn't want it disrupted because her husband is a womanizer.
You call yourself "heartless" and say you don't feel guilty. However, I believe neither statement is true. You are involved in this relationship because it feels good, and I caution you that when something feels good, it is easy to become addicted. Once that happens, you WILL become emotionally vulnerable, and then you'll be in for a world of pain. There's no free lunch. There is always a price tag that somebody has to pay.