DEAR ABBY: With the holidays here, I know you are again being inundated with questions about what kind of gifts to give to seniors. Years ago, I took one of your ideas and decided to help my grandmother with Christmas cards. (She had arthritis, and it was hard for her to write.) It was one of the best presents I ever gave her, and it was lots of fun for me.

I visited her, asked for the names and addresses of the people she wanted to send cards to, and wrote them all down on notebook paper. Then we went through her address book together. She had a story about everyone in the book. At Thanksgiving, I took her to the store to select cards and then addressed them and had her sign them.

As Christmas drew closer, Grandma would tell my mom who had sent her a Christmas card. I realized then that the gift I thought I was giving her was really several gifts -- doing the cards for her, the visits, and her receiving cards because people knew she was thinking of them.

This Christmas I would like to suggest giving the gift of TIME to older persons. Visit, take them to dinner or to the store. The gift I thought I was giving my grandmother turned out to be a precious gift I gave myself. I continued doing it until my grandmother died, and I still miss hearing her wonderful stories. -- GRATEFUL GRANDSON, ROCHESTER HILLS, MICH.

DEAR GRATEFUL GRANDSON: Although today's seniors are living longer and the quality of life is extended, for some there comes a time when infirmity and the death of friends cause them to become isolated. I agree that the most precious gift a person can give another is the gift of self, time and attention in this hyperactive, stressful world we live in today. I hope my readers will take your suggestion to heart because it's a valuable one. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a holiday gift suggestion for seniors who are on fixed incomes: My Aunt Jane is 85. She's in poor health and virtually stuck at home. She has what she needs -- except, of course, her health, independence and her late husband. She has reached the stage of giving things away -- certainly not collecting more.

With Aunt Jane in mind, I went shopping at a local toy store and selected a bunch of cute items (stickers, balls, jacks, puzzles, etc.). The store generously included enough gift bags and colored tissue for each little purchase.

When I presented Aunt Jane with 10 bags of tiny gifts she could give to her great-nieces and -nephews, she was thrilled. We had a wonderful time together deciding which child would receive which toy and writing appropriate messages on the gift cards.

This gift idea is far more practical than more soaps and sachets than the recipient can ever use. -- MARY L., NEW ORLEANS

DEAR MARY L.: Good ideas come in small packages. Thank you for sending yours.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was the other woman for seven years, involved with a man I thought was perfect. His wife knew about me. It was never an issue until he fell in love with me. After that, things changed. He began making promises and told me as soon as his wife got herself together and found a job and a place to live, he'd divorce her and be with me forever.

Two years became three, three became five. Finally I realized he'd never do what he promised, so I ended it. The problem is, he's my boss. He was my best friend, and I still had some hope. We see each other every day because of work, although I am considered an independent contractor.

A year after I called it quits he finally filed for divorce. A few months later he met this new woman. He says he loves her, but I still hurt. Every day is another day of holding back my tears, another day to hide my pain.

Today I met a woman who is a member of a group I belong to. She mentioned she knows a man who would be "perfect" for me. She said they had dated a few times over the years. Abby, the number she gave me was his. While we were together he was seeing this other woman! I am devastated.

I am still in love with him. How can I make myself forget him when we still work together? Please advise. -- WEEPING IN CHICO, CALIF.

DEAR WEEPING: Forget him? People only learn from the mistakes they are willing to remember. Dry your tears and get out of that office NOW. As an "independent contractor" it's time to declare your independence. Finding a job with better benefits should be a breeze, considering that all you have to show for this one is heartache.

DEAR ABBY: I was hired about a month ago at a biotech firm as a logistics coordinator, basically doing a little of everything -- shipping, arranging travel, etc. I put a lot of hard work into every assignment I was given and, as a result, was moved into the marketing department last week and given a more defined position with a greater workload. My title is "marketing coordinator."

When I had more time, I didn't mind covering the occasional shift for the receptionist when needed. But now I am asked to do it on a nearly daily basis, sometimes with little or no notice. I politely informed the receptionist that I had more work to do now and could not always cover, and she drew up a schedule that has me covering one hour a week.

The beef I have is that no other new hires are being asked to cover. I feel I'm being taken advantage of because I am young and female, and if I don't put my foot down now, early in my career, I'll be continually taken advantage of. What is your advice? -- GO-FER IN RALEIGH, N.C.

DEAR GO-FER: If you haven't already received one, approach your supervisor and ask for a written job description for your new position. If fill-in receptionist is not one of your duties, it is possible that the receptionist went beyond her authority in assigning the shift to you.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl in junior high. I'm being harassed at school by three boys. I'm not popular, attractive or fashionable. I am athletic, quiet and a straight-A student.

These boys are jocks, so they have everyone wrapped around their little fingers. They call me terrible names, take things from me and treat me like dirt. It has gotten to the point where I come home crying. I have tried everything -- ignoring them and just walking away. My few friends won't help me because they like these boys.

When I told my parents, they said I should just ignore them, and repeated it when I told them it wasn't working. Abby, it's impossible to ignore them because they get louder and meaner until they are hitting me or poking me, trying to get me to respond. I am at my breaking point and I don't think I can take it any longer. I don't know who to turn to. Please help me. -- HURT IN OHIO

DEAR HURT: No one has the right to touch you without your permission. Doing so could be considered a form of assault. Many schools have a zero-tolerance policy for this kind of behavior.

I'm sorry to say that no one can prevent bullies from name-calling if it's done out of earshot from adults. However, because their behavior has escalated to hitting and poking, bring it to the attention of a school counselor or your principal. Your parents should accompany you when you do it because the bullying won't stop without intervention. Please tell them I said so.

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion for folks who are wondering what gifts to buy for small children -- especially those they don't see often.

Last year I did something that family members did for me when I was little. I bought books from the dollar store for my three grandchildren and videotaped myself reading to them. I made sure to include bits and pieces of family history and funny stories.

It wasn't expensive. It will help them learn to read, get them to go to sleep, and give Mom and Dad a break. It helped my grandchildren become familiar with my voice, and clarified family relationships by connecting them to stories and family trees.

The 1-year-old's mother said the child loved her books and kept opening and closing them -- holding them upside down and turning the pages to examine each one.

It took a bit of time to do, but it's something the parents have told me they'll cherish -- and it will outlast clothes the children will outgrow and toys that will break or be tossed away. -- ANNIE IN GEORGIA

DEAR ANNIE: That's a delightful, creative idea -- not just for the children. A gift like yours could become a family treasure. Thank you for sharing.

DEAR ABBY: How do I tell my best friend that her husband wants a physical relationship with me? My husband is in prison, and my friends have been wonderfully supportive, but her husband has made it plain he's after me. -- NOT INTERESTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: Tell the husband that you consider him and his wife to be dear friends, but you're not interested in a physical relationship, and if he doesn't stop coming on to you, you'll tell his wife. If that doesn't cool his ardor, stop seeing them as a couple.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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