life

Girl Is at Her Breaking Point Over Jocks' Taunts at School

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 8th, 2007 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am a 13-year-old girl in junior high. I'm being harassed at school by three boys. I'm not popular, attractive or fashionable. I am athletic, quiet and a straight-A student.

These boys are jocks, so they have everyone wrapped around their little fingers. They call me terrible names, take things from me and treat me like dirt. It has gotten to the point where I come home crying. I have tried everything -- ignoring them and just walking away. My few friends won't help me because they like these boys.

When I told my parents, they said I should just ignore them, and repeated it when I told them it wasn't working. Abby, it's impossible to ignore them because they get louder and meaner until they are hitting me or poking me, trying to get me to respond. I am at my breaking point and I don't think I can take it any longer. I don't know who to turn to. Please help me. -- HURT IN OHIO

DEAR HURT: No one has the right to touch you without your permission. Doing so could be considered a form of assault. Many schools have a zero-tolerance policy for this kind of behavior.

I'm sorry to say that no one can prevent bullies from name-calling if it's done out of earshot from adults. However, because their behavior has escalated to hitting and poking, bring it to the attention of a school counselor or your principal. Your parents should accompany you when you do it because the bullying won't stop without intervention. Please tell them I said so.

life

Dear Abby for December 08, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 8th, 2007 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I have a suggestion for folks who are wondering what gifts to buy for small children -- especially those they don't see often.

Last year I did something that family members did for me when I was little. I bought books from the dollar store for my three grandchildren and videotaped myself reading to them. I made sure to include bits and pieces of family history and funny stories.

It wasn't expensive. It will help them learn to read, get them to go to sleep, and give Mom and Dad a break. It helped my grandchildren become familiar with my voice, and clarified family relationships by connecting them to stories and family trees.

The 1-year-old's mother said the child loved her books and kept opening and closing them -- holding them upside down and turning the pages to examine each one.

It took a bit of time to do, but it's something the parents have told me they'll cherish -- and it will outlast clothes the children will outgrow and toys that will break or be tossed away. -- ANNIE IN GEORGIA

DEAR ANNIE: That's a delightful, creative idea -- not just for the children. A gift like yours could become a family treasure. Thank you for sharing.

life

Dear Abby for December 08, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 8th, 2007 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: How do I tell my best friend that her husband wants a physical relationship with me? My husband is in prison, and my friends have been wonderfully supportive, but her husband has made it plain he's after me. -- NOT INTERESTED IN FLORIDA

DEAR NOT INTERESTED: Tell the husband that you consider him and his wife to be dear friends, but you're not interested in a physical relationship, and if he doesn't stop coming on to you, you'll tell his wife. If that doesn't cool his ardor, stop seeing them as a couple.

life

Dear Abby for December 08, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 8th, 2007 | Letter 4 of 4

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

life

Mother Feels Awkward Being Friends With Stay at Home Dad

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 7th, 2007 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am a stay-at-home mother with three young children. I have become friends with another stay-at-home parent. We share many things in common, and our children are great playmates. The problem is, my friend is a man.

Even though both of us are happily married, sometimes we feel awkward spending time together. Our spouses are not thrilled about us hanging out together, but they haven't forbidden it because they trust us to be faithful.

Is it appropriate for a man and a woman to spend time together while their spouses are at work? -- AT HOME WITH ANOTHER WOMAN'S HUSBAND

DEAR AT HOME: It depends upon the individuals involved and whether there is a physical attraction. In your case, because you "sometimes feel awkward spending time together," I suggest you limit it -- because what you're feeling may be sexual tension.

Has it occurred to you to include other stay-at-home parents in these visits? That might be a way to diffuse the situation without ending the friendship.

life

Dear Abby for December 07, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 7th, 2007 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I have a courtesy question regarding personal (not business) e-mails. Should a person's e-mail be "private" and accessible to others only after they are asked and have given permission? Or are e-mail messages "open season," in that anyone with access to someone's PC and password can open the e-mail and browse at will?

I recently discovered my wife reading my e-mail, and I was upset that she had opened it without asking my permission. Her response was, "Well, I've got nothing to hide," but that misses the point of privacy and courtesy between married partners.

Shouldn't courtesy require someone -- even a trusted spouse -- to ask before opening someone else's e-mail? -- FEELS INVADED, ST. PETERS, MO.

DEAR FEELS INVADED: If you and your wife share a joint e-mail account, and the e-mail is addressed to both of you, then your wife is within her rights to read it. If not, she should respect your privacy. And vice versa.

life

Dear Abby for December 07, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 7th, 2007 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are having a minor disagreement, and I hope you'll respond to this letter in the paper so he sees it. (We're both frequent readers of your column.)

We're arguing over what would be an appropriate curfew for our 18-year-old son. My husband believes 2 a.m. is appropriate for weekends, as long as we know where he is and what he'll be doing. I believe it should be 1 a.m.

Our son is a good person. He dabbled with alcohol when he was a bit younger, but he hasn't done it since and is doing well in life. He also has good friends.

Of course, he thinks the 2 a.m. curfew is better. Like father, like son, huh? Abby, which time do you believe is more appropriate as a curfew for our son? -- CURFEW PATROL MOM

DEAR CURFEW PATROL MOM: At 18, your son has become a young man. There is very little difference between a 1 or 2 o'clock curfew on a weekend night. Why not split the difference and make it 1:30?

life

Dear Abby for December 07, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 7th, 2007 | Letter 4 of 4

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

life

Memory of Lost Friend Prompts Hunt for High School Yearbook

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 6th, 2007 | Letter 1 of 2

DEAR ABBY: I read the letter from Belle K. in Cadillac, Mich. (Oct. 17), who had only the yearbook from her senior year in high school and would like to purchase yearbooks from the other three. She asked if there was some way to get her hands on them.

I have a similar problem. I grew up in one Oklahoma town and moved to another, 7 1/2 hours away, the summer between my junior and senior years. I have lost the yearbook from my sophomore year -- the last in which a dear friend's photo appeared. She was killed in a car accident in January of our sophomore year. In addition to her class picture, one of her poems is featured in that yearbook.

It would mean the world to me to have that memento back. Because the yearbook would be 14 years old, it's unlikely the school has any left. Can you suggest other options for digging those precious memories out of the ashes of time? -- MISSING THE MEMORIES IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR MISSING: I don't have to. After Belle's letter ran, many caring readers offered wonderful suggestions. A sample:

DEAR ABBY: Belle should put an ad in the paper where her old high school is located. That's what I did, and I got a response right away. The wife of a former school counselor called and said she had several. Tell Belle I wish her luck. -- JUDY IN GREEN RIVER, WYO.

DEAR ABBY: As chairman of my high school reunion committee, I have been successful on a couple of occasions in finding old yearbooks on eBay. There's a large selection there. If she can't find them under the "yearbook" category, she should look under "annuals." -- KEN IN KANAB, UTAH

DEAR ABBY: For high school annuals, contact your local library. Old annuals are occasionally donated and sold at book sales by the Friends of the Library. The staff will alert whoever sorts donations to keep an eye out and let you know if the one you're looking for comes in. -- SONIA MURRAY, PRESIDENT, FRIENDS OF BILOXI LIBRARIES

DEAR ABBY: Many historical societies (and public libraries) keep documents such as city directories and yearbooks in an archive. While they normally aren't available for circulation, most organizations have reading rooms where you can peruse the materials, and even take pictures or scans for your own use. (I became familiar with this process through a recent school project.) -- KRISTINA IN PORTLAND, MAINE

DEAR ABBY: I found copies of my high school yearbook at an antique/collectibles store in my hometown -- at an affordable price. -- MICHAEL G., SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: eBay or Craigslist! My brother found not only old yearbooks from his era, but class rings as well. -- PATTI IN FREMONT, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: My old high school is now offering yearbooks on CDs, to be viewed in a slide show format. It was a preservation project that's now doing double duty by giving a lot of pleasure to former students whose yearbooks have disappeared for a variety of reasons. Belle should check to see if her alumni association is doing something similar. -- E.J.H. IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR ABBY: Most teachers who served as yearbook advisers keep a store of old yearbooks. I have made many an older grad happy who had lost one to fire or flood. Belle should contact the school. She might get lucky. (There might even be an extra in the school library.) -- BILL K., OAKLAND, CALIF.

life

Dear Abby for December 06, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | December 6th, 2007 | Letter 2 of 2

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

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