DEAR ABBY: I have been reading the letters you print about acts of kindness and want to tell you what happened to me. Three years ago, when I was eight months pregnant with my first child, I was driving to the University of Houston's gift shop when a tire on my car blew out.

It was a hot Saturday afternoon, and the campus was nearly deserted. No one at the gift shop would help me out, so I made it to a gas station on the edge of campus. It was located in an area of town to which many people wouldn't travel alone.

As soon as I pulled in, a man came to my window, banged on it, and began shouting at me. Four other men who had been washing windshields for spare change immediately surrounded my car and shooed the first man away. I was nervous, but I got out, and they let me through.

The gas station attendant refused to come out to help me. I tried calling my husband for help, but my cell phone wasn't working. The same four men assessed the situation and offered to help me fill my tire, but the tire was too damaged. They asked me for my spare, but because the car was new I had no idea where it was located. Well, they found the spare and had my tire fixed in no time.

While they were working, two of the men told me about their lives, their grandkids, etc. I felt horrible for having prejudged them simply because the neighborhood they lived in wasn't as affluent as my own. Not one of them would accept my offer of money. I am grateful that God sent me four unlikely guardian angels that day. -- MICHELLE, LEAGUE CITY, TEXAS

DEAR MICHELLE: Thank you for pointing out that although the crime rate may be higher in lower income neighborhoods, living in one does not make anyone a criminal. We live in an increasingly diverse society today, racially, ethnically and economically. To automatically stereotype people because of how they look, their regional (or foreign) accent, the way they dress or where they live is not only a mistake, it is also a sign of ignorance.

DEAR ABBY: I'm only 16, but I want to ask my parents if I could start seeing a therapist. I feel like therapy would be a step forward in relieving the stress that depression has been causing me.

My problem is approaching my parents about it. I have been depressed for months, but admitting it to them would be embarrassing. I'm afraid their reaction will be anything but understanding. Money is an issue. We're not the richest family, and my parents are saving all the money they can to put me and my siblings through college.

I feel that therapy would be a worthwhile investment for me and my future, but I'm wondering how I can convince my parents. Any ideas on how to tackle this? -- SEARCHING FOR A SHRINK, PORTLAND, MAINE

DEAR SEARCHING: Because you have been suffering from depression that has lasted more than a few weeks, you should be seen by someone who can evaluate you. I'm sorry you feel reluctant to discuss this with your parents because depression can run in families -- and they might not be as surprised to hear it as you think.

However, because you're afraid their reaction will be negative, please discuss this with your teacher or a school counselor who can intercede with your parents and see that you meet at least once with a psychotherapist.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a great job, get along with everyone I work with and go home at night happy, even when things get a little hectic. I love my job -- except for one thing.

A woman who works here is a constant downer. She constantly talks about how fat she is (she's overweight, and so am I), how ugly she is (she's not), how horrible her marriage is, how she won't live past 38, how her son won't live to be 18, and other negative things. In fact, all she has to say are negative things.

Whenever I try to interject something positive, she finds a way to turn it into a negative. We work with the public a lot, and she has run so many customers off with her negativity that we are losing money. No one will fire her because there is no one to replace her in our small town, but everyone is at their wit's end. We have all tried talking to her about it. What else can we do? -- READY TO EXPLODE IN WYOMING

DEAR READY: Aside from slipping "happy pills" into her morning coffee, nothing. (Only joking!) People sometimes call themselves fat, ugly, etc., because they hope the person they're talking to will contradict them and say, "No, you're not." In this case, your co-worker appears to be very depressed -- and with good reason.

I do have a suggestion, however, for the next time she makes a negative comment. Instead of trying to turn it around, agree with her. Say, "Yes, isn't it sad?" or "You're a saint," then change the subject. That may stop her.

DEAR ABBY: My family and I just moved to a new town. Our dogs bark at night to warn us that there are people sneaking around our property.

The neighbors complained to our landlord, and now we have to move again. Shouldn't the neighbors have talked to us first, and then complained if we did nothing about our dogs' behavior? -- CAROLYN IN OAKTOWN, IND.

DEAR CAROLYN: Yes, they should have. And you should have made sure there was a clause in your lease that entitled you to have pets on the property. And if you were aware that your dogs barked at night, you should have taken them into the house so they wouldn't disturb your neighbors.

DEAR ABBY: Is it all right for a family member to eavesdrop on a conversation on the extension line? The other day, my husband and I picked up the phone at the same time. It was my mother calling to chat and to ask a question. Although the call was clearly for me, my husband remained on the line because, he said, he had a question for her when I was done with the conversation.

I contend that this was rude, as I didn't know he hadn't hung up the other phone. He contends that he had a right to listen because it is his house, and he can listen in if he wants.

Although nothing of a personal nature was discussed, I still think he should have given me my privacy and asked me to let him know when Mom and I were done talking so he could ask his question. This has caused a major rift in our family. Please respond. -- NANCY IN BELMONT, CALIF.

DEAR NANCY: When a spouse starts using the old "I can do it if I want because it's my house" line, it's usually because he/she knows he/she is wrong. I don't know whether your husband is a bully or simply has no life of his own, but eavesdropping is a very unpleasant trait. And in the interest of family harmony, he should cut it out.

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DEAR ABBY: I wish to address my comments to "Wants to Be Remembered" (Sept. 24), the terminally ill woman who is jealous of her ex-husband's new wife's role in her grandchild's life.

My three sisters and I lost our dear mother when I was 20. I am now the single parent of a 5-year-old daughter and "Aunty" to four nieces and nephews. None of our children knew their biological grandmother.

My father married a wonderful woman 10 years after Mom's passing. I was never particularly close to my stepmother until I became pregnant. But the love and support she has provided me and my sisters is priceless. She never had children of her own, so she inherited a whole family when she married Dad.

She once told me she gives our kids two kisses each time -- one from her and one from my mom in heaven. All our kids know "Mom Mom" (my mother) is in heaven, and "Mamu" is here.

Dad passed away two years ago, and we are blessed to still have Mamu in our lives. My daughter wouldn't have ANY grandparents if it weren't for my stepmother. She's as much a part of our lives today as she was when Dad was alive.

Please assure WTBR that her daughters can honor her legacy with their children as well as welcome the love of their grandfather and step-grandmother. I hope it will put her fears to rest. -- GRATEFUL FOR MAMU IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR GRATEFUL: I was overwhelmed by the mountain of responses written by caring readers such as you. The majority empathized with WTBR while offering valuable insights. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: WTBR needs to understand that although her ex has remarried, she will never be replaced in the hearts of her children. She should be happy that her daughters have an opportunity to develop a loving relationship with another mother figure.

This is not about "replacing" her, but about enhancing the lives of her children. When she succumbs to her illness, her daughters will have someone to comfort them over their loss and help them through it. The stepmother can be a blessing that can make her family stronger. If WTBR would give the woman a chance, it's possible they could even become friends. It's time to put aside her selfish desires and consider what's best for her family. -- A LOVING STEPMOM IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: Many children don't know their grandparents for many reasons, but if someone with the age and wisdom to assume the role of grandparent would like to have a positive influence on my children, he or she is welcome to be addressed that way by my kids. Biology doesn't override a warm hug or a freshly baked cookie in the eyes of a child. -- BRIDGE THE GAP

DEAR ABBY: My mother died when my daughter was a baby. Before she died, she made grandmother's books for each of her five grandchildren. In them she shared her own childhood memories, family roots and words of wisdom. She also lovingly wrote each child a personal letter at the end of the book.

We cherish my daughter's book. Through it, my daughter got to know her grandma and experience her love, although their paths crossed only briefly in this life. -- DELANA'S DAUGHTER

DEAR ABBY: WTBR can share a part of herself with her grandchild by creating a "time capsule." Inside she should include a photograph of herself, as well as a favorite song or story recorded on audiotape or CD. The special messages and personal items will help her grandchild connect with a loving grandparent who wanted to be part of her grandchild's life. -- GRANDMA BARBARA

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)