DEAR ABBY: My mother died when I was 27. It was a very difficult time in my life -- everything seemed to fall apart. I lost my job, and then my utilities were turned off. I had to take cold showers for six months.

A neighbor who knew about my situation came to my house and made me an offer. If I would take care of her children, she would make sure I had food to eat. I was surprised that someone would trust me -- a young man -- with her children.

I took her up on the offer, and before long I began taking care of other people's children, too.

I have since moved 300 miles from Boise, Idaho. For more than 23 years I have made every effort to reach out to all the kind-hearted people who helped me when I was down and out. I hope they will read this:

My mother taught me that it is better to give than to receive. Without your great assistance, I don't know what I would have done. I am very involved in my community and volunteer at the local food bank, and I help out whenever I can. I would like to thank all of you for allowing me to care for your children and for letting me be a part of your families. God bless you. You not only saved me, but also taught me by your example. -- DAVE H., GRANGEVILLE, IDAHO

DEAR DAVE H.: I can't think of a letter that would be more suitable to print on this day of Thanksgiving than the one you have written. It spotlights how important it is to be sensitive to the needs of others, and how life-changing a single gesture of kindness can be.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I recently had an argument during which he accused me of folding a bath towel incorrectly. One of us says that you should fold it in half and then in thirds. The other insists that it should be folded in half, then in half, then in half again.

How exactly should a bath towel be folded, and are there different methods to folding different-sized towels? -- CAMILLE IN TEXAS

DEAR CAMILLE: Yes, there are different techniques -- depending how and where the towels will be hung or stored -- and they are usually based on how one's mother folded her towels. Because your boyfriend has an issue about how you fold yours, HE should be the one folding the towels. Problem solved!

And now, Dear Readers, I will continue the tradition of repeating the Thanksgiving prayer that was penned years ago by my dear mother, Pauline Phillips. My Thanksgiving would not be complete without it:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a safe and happy Thankgiving, everyone!

Love, ABBY

And now, Dear Readers, I will continue the tradition of repeating the Thanksgiving prayer that was penned years ago by my dear mother, Pauline Phillips. My Thanksgiving would not be complete without it:

Oh, Heavenly Father,

We thank thee for food and remember the hungry.

We thank thee for health and remember the sick.

We thank thee for friends and remember the friendless.

We thank thee for freedom and remember the enslaved.

May these remembrances stir us to service,

That thy gifts to us may be used for others. Amen.

Have a safe and happy Thankgiving, everyone!

Love, ABBY

DEAR ABBY: I have been dating "Leon" for a few months. He is smart, cute, ambitious, caring, a great kisser and has a fantastic sense of humor. The problem? He gives new meaning to the phrase, "Got milk?"

Leon still has the remains of the first gallon of milk he ever purchased when he moved into his apartment. (He had overestimated the amount of milk he would consume, and before he knew it, had a gallon in his fridge that was three weeks past its expiration date.) Time passed, and still it remained there. Soon it was 6 months old and a novelty.

Abby, Leon has kept this container of milk through two roommates, three girlfriends, seven jobs and two refrigerators. It will soon be five years. He seems to have formed some sort of sentimental attachment to it. Can it still be classified as -- milk? Leon is entertained by the reaction he gets when people hear about it, and even has a blog about it with a picture.

If our relationship is to get serious, I see a "me or the milk" ultimatum in our future. Is it asking too much for him to leave his life of keeping expired dairy, or should I cut my losses and seek a dairy-free bachelor? Or should I just accept it as a souvenir or a pet? -- LACTOSE INTOLERANT IN OREGON

DEAR LACTOSE INTOLERANT: If Leon has kept the milk through two roommates, three girlfriends, seven jobs and two refrigerators, it may be that the specimen is the only constant in his life. Frankly, it's surprising that the odor from the spoilage didn't end his "udderly" revolting compulsion to keep it.

If you have truly reached the point of an ultimatum, tell him he has milked the joke for all it's worth. However, if he refuses to let it go, then you will either have to accept Leon and his moldy memento as a package deal -- or "mooove" on.

DEAR ABBY: I understand men and women have different views on life. My fiancee and I are being married next June. She hangs onto old photo albums and T-shirts from her exes. If she never looks at them, then why keep them? -- PUT OFF IN SOUTH PORTLAND, MAINE

DEAR PUT OFF: People -- and that includes men, by the way -- usually keep memorabilia out of sentiment. The souvenirs may remind your fiancee of happy events, or even reassure her that people in her past found her attractive. I am sure they are no threat to you or your relationship. However, if the fact that she has them bothers you, ask that they be stored someplace where you won't have to see them.

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DEAR ABBY: As a clinician specializing in geriatric mental health, I was concerned about your response to "Ambivalent in California" (Sept. 10). She asked whether to sever ties with her 85-year-old father after he molested his young granddaughter. Your advice to pursue treatment was on target, but the guilt trip you placed on Ambivalent for wanting to maintain a relationship with her father was cruel.

Given that his behavior did not manifest until an advanced age, it was almost certainly due to age-related changes consistent with emerging dementia. She will need to make sure that proper care is provided for her father and should be instrumental in accessing services and placement options that will guarantee he cannot victimize anyone else. (Elder services and her family physician can suggest appropriate referrals.)

She will also need to nurture and care for her daughter. Hopefully, with the assistance of a skilled professional, Grandpa's probable pathology can be delicately explained. It may help her healing process if she knows the cause of the behavior was illness.

Of course, it's important to protect the teenager from further harm, as she has already suffered enough. Fortunately, this can be accomplished without rejecting a weakened and elderly parent at a vulnerable time in his life. -- GERIATRIC PROFESSIONAL IN N.H.

DEAR GERIATRIC PROFESSIONAL: Thank you for offering a more empathetic insight than I offered. Other readers shared similar personal experiences that support your view. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My grandfather was a dear man, a gentleman with whom I spent a great deal of time while growing up. We waded trout streams together, weeded gardens together, and he taught me to play cribbage. The warm memories go on and on.

But as an elderly man, nature caused him to take a turn. Mom telephoned us girls (now mothers ourselves) and warned us not to bring our daughters to visit. I was shocked at the idea that Grandpa had become a "dirty old man." But his kindness and gentleness were gone, as were his smile and the twinkle in his eye. He would have been horrified to realize what he had become.

Abby, you are right that "model fathers" do not molest their granddaughters. But elderly men sometimes, for some reason, can become unaware of their boundaries. And sometimes they become someone other than the person they were years ago. Please do not condemn them. -- BEEN THERE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR ABBY: My dad had dementia for a number of years before his death at 98. Dad, who had always been a prude about sex, began making inappropriate comments. It was caused by dementia. I wish I had been more understanding and patient with him.

I understand Ambivalent's love for her father and not wanting to cut him out of her life. She must explain to her daughter that her father is unable to think normally and clearly and visit him alone in his final years. -- STILL MISSING MY DAD

DEAR ABBY: My family experienced a similar situation. Although Dad never molested anyone, he did expose himself to my teenage nieces. He was diagnosed with dementia, and as a precaution, we no longer left him alone with our children. I am glad we got him the kind of help he needed. And I urge other families in this situation to find support groups. You are not alone. We lost Dad two years ago and miss him terribly. -- YOUNGEST DAUGHTER IN INDIANA

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