DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Cal," and I have decided to have Thanksgiving at our house this year. The last three years we have gone to my sister-in-law's house. When I told my father-in-law our decision, he yelled at me and walked out of my home. After that he called Cal and screamed at him, saying that we are being disrespectful to him.

The guys usually hunt over that holiday weekend. By celebrating Thanksgiving here, my father-in-law says we are depriving him of four days he could be hunting with my husband. I suggested that they do it here, but he insisted there is no good game around here. After another round of yelling, my father-in-law hung up on Cal.

I don't understand what the problem is. We thought it would be nice to finally have Thanksgiving dinner at our house. I don't know what to say to my father-in-law now. I feel very hurt. It's causing a lot of stress, as if the holidays are not already stressful enough. What should I do about this? -- STRESSED OVER THE HOLIDAYS

DEAR STRESSED: Your father-in-law behaved like a rude child. It wouldn't hurt him to let the wild animal population build itself up again for a year. Please don't take what he said personally.

Be sure your father-in-law knows exactly when Thanksgiving dinner will be served. Set a place for him, but don't count on him showing up. If he doesn't, you will know where his priorities lie. However, if he does come and sulk, ignore the petulance and go on with the party.

DEAR ABBY: My brother "Wilbur" is supposedly bipolar and hasn't held a job for more than six months at a crack. He is going to be 48 years old. In between jobs, he ran to our parents for financial help. When Dad was around, he could control it somewhat. But Dad is gone now, so Mom is giving all this money to Wilbur.

Mom was recently diagnosed with Alzheimer's, so how do we stop this nonsense? Wilbur won't quit demanding money. I think Mom is afraid not to give it to him because she thinks he'll go wacko. Wilbur doesn't have a permanent address because he's in and out of homeless shelters, so we can't get a restraining order. Please help, because this is stressing our family out. Mom needs to know that she owes Wilbur nothing, and it's OK to turn him out of her home and cut off the funding.

I know a power of attorney will do the trick, but how do you make a person realize that her son is a con artist and is just abusing her? For 27 years I have argued with Mom over all that she has given Wilbur. In her final years, I'd like to enjoy our time together and not fight. By the way, my sister and two other brothers feel the same. Any ideas? -- HAD IT IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR HAD IT: You have my sympathy. The money your mother is doling out is a Band-Aid on a broken arm; it isn't solving your brother's basic problem, which is the need to be treated and medicated.

Your mother is ill, and she isn't going to get better. You will get nowhere trying to argue with her. Therefore, it is time for you and your siblings to consult a lawyer about a power of attorney for her financial matters, and a power of attorney for health care if she doesn't already have one.

By the way, if your mother is being "bled" for money, it could be considered elder abuse. An attorney, as well as your state's Area Agency on Aging (it's listed in your phone directory), can help you put a stop to it.

DEAR ABBY: I recently gave birth to a beautiful baby girl. She's now 7 weeks old, and I am just now getting to where I can start exercising to get the baby fat off.

Today, when I was at the grocery store, I bought some control-top pantyhose. When I got to the register and the cashier rang them up, the automatic coupon printer printed out an advertisement for a brand of ice cream. Personally, I felt humiliated and insulted. They were implying that if I needed the "big girl" pantyhose, that I would automatically want ice cream.

This is just more proof that our country is in crisis! More than half the population of the U.S. is overweight, and advertisers are playing to their weaknesses. That's no way to help the current situation. It's almost like they WANT us to stay fat. -- NEW MOM, MIDDLEBURG, FLA.

DEAR NEW MOM: The machine that printed out the coupon for ice cream was not trying to send you a personal message. A supermarket manager here in Los Angeles explained to me that these coupons can be triggered by the purchase of a similar product or anything you may have purchased that is put out by the same manufacturer. (I doubt that fresh fruits and veggies are ever among the freebies offered with those coupons.)

While I agree that many people in this country have weight issues, in this case your grocer was not trying to insult you, only drum up a little more business.

DEAR ABBY: I am 9, and my friends "Amber" and "Hunter" constantly pick fights with me. Sometimes the fights are about who's first in line, or who has the most pencils. Amber is the hardest to be with. She picks these little fights every day. Once we had a huge fight about staying friends. Our teacher took us into the library and told us that we were in the same "boat" and to work it out.

Amber promised to try and stop it, and we made up. But the next day she was back at it again.

I think Amber and Hunter talk about me behind my back. Whenever they're mad at each other, they come to me and say all the horrible things that the other person has done. Once on a field trip, they got another girl to come with them while we were in a fight, and she made fun of me.

Every time we get into quarrels, we make up. But I feel like they are controlling me. I have gone along with it, but I can't stand it anymore. I don't want to be in the same "boat" with them anymore. Please help. Am I the bad guy? -- LOST IN ARIZONA

DEAR LOST: You're not the "bad guy." Amber may have some issues going on in her life that she can't control -- and that's why she's trying to control you. In other words, her compulsion to dominate may be because she's really insecure inside.

Because you don't want to be in Amber's boat anymore, it's time to spend a little time paddling in another direction. If there are sports, clubs or special-interest groups at school -- or after school -- check them out. It will give you not only a chance to learn something new, but also let you interact with other girls and get to know them. That way you will widen your circle of friends -- and that might not be a bad thing at all.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I was going to a hair salon about five times a year to have my hair cut and styled. A few months back, the owner, who had always cut my hair, went out on maternity leave, so another stylist cut my hair. I mentioned to her that, as I have gotten older, my hair has thinned, that I hated how it looked and didn't know how to cut it anymore. She gave me a beautiful cut.

When the owner returned, I asked her to follow the cut, but she didn't do it exactly, and refused to ask the woman who had done it how it was done.

When it was time for my next haircut, I called and asked the stylist to cut my hair again, but she hesitated. Her reply was, "If my son isn't sick." Abby, the appointment I was scheduling was two weeks away. I "got the message," and I am now patronizing another salon.

I thought beauty salons were a business and not just about "I saw you first!" Is there some unwritten rule in the beauty business that whoever cuts your hair when you first got there is your stylist forever? I'm unhappy now, and they lost a customer. Who wins? -- CUT SHORT IN VIRGINIA

DEAR CUT SHORT: This wasn't a matter of "I saw you first." You were the salon owner's steady customer. If you wanted to change stylists, you should have had the courage to tell the salon owner that you wanted to make a change and not put the other hairstylist on the spot.

Yes, hairstyling is a business, but stylists often forge personal relationships with long-standing clients. Out of respect for the owner's feelings, you should have made your wishes known directly so there could be no misunderstanding.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have a 5-year-old and a 9-month-old -- both boys. They are incredibly sweet, well-behaved, beautiful children. My problem is how people relate to the boys.

People often go out of their way to tell us how cute our baby is, and go on to say, "He looks like the Gerber baby." I appreciate their compliments, but they often ignore our 5-year-old. He is also a darling child, but because he's so well-behaved, too often people don't give him a second glance.

When we're at home I make sure to give him plenty of compliments about a variety of things, including his behavior, his eating habits and helpfulness. I don't want his feelings hurt when people go overboard with the baby.

Is there anything I can say when this happens to help him feel important and noticed as well? Is there something I should say to the adults involved so they are more aware of my older son's feelings? -- PROUD MOMMY OF TWO

DEAR PROUD MOMMY: The adults you described are thoughtless and insensitive, and trying to educate them in front of your 5-year-old won't work. The next time it happens, put your arm around your older boy and say, "This is his big brother, 'Bobby.' We're so proud of Bobby because not only is he a good boy, he's also smart and sweet and helpful with his little brother." In other words, bring Bobby out of the shadows and into the spotlight, too. It does work.

P.S. What's going on with your "Gerber baby" is the reason actors don't like working with small children and puppies. They're scene-stealers.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)