DEAR ABBY: My hairdresser, "Natasha," owns the shop where I have had my hair done for more than 15 years. I love the way she does my hair.

Natasha obliges me when I can't come for my regular appointment, and I am always generous with my tip. The problem is, she can't handle money. Because I'm a longtime customer, Natasha feels she can tell me her money troubles. Every time I'm there, it's a steady stream of woe. Over the years I have seen her jump into one harebrained scheme after another, losing thousands along with way. She's always in trouble with the bank, creditors, etc.

Natasha's latest problem is that her credit cards are all maxed out, and she can't afford her home or meet her payroll. I have gently tried explaining that her employees must be paid regardless, because they, too, have obligations. I have also urged her to meet with her bank manager, get counseling help, and contact the credit card companies to arrange payments. So far, she has not taken my advice, and her sad tales continue to unfold.

Abby, I go to get my hair done and relax -- not to hear her misery. I am now thinking about taking my business elsewhere. My husband agrees, and so does my daughter (a psychologist). But our son, a businessman, disagrees. He says if Natasha gives good service, why not be like a bartender and listen to her troubles?

My husband thinks Natasha is getting ready to ask me to bail her out. I don't want to be put in that position. She's the type who, if her money problems were wiped out today, would be back tomorrow. That's what has happened all along. She's a fine hairdresser; she just has poor business judgment. What's the best way to get out of this sticky situation? -- DROWNING IN HER SORROWS

DEAR DROWNING: If Natasha is in the kind of hot water you have described, your problem may resolve itself. An employer who fails to pay her employees their wages (or the government its withholding taxes) usually does not stay in business. In fact, she could wind up doing hair in Cell Block Nine.

With that in mind, you have two choices: The first is to tell Natasha in plain English that you come to her not only for her talents, but also to relax. Therefore, she should no longer stress you out by giving you an ongoing commentary about the state of her finances. The second is to find another hairdresser -- which, if Natasha is as poor a businesswoman as you have described, you may have to eventually do anyway.

DEAR ABBY: I am a teenage boy, soon to be 18. I have Asperger's syndrome, and I'm in special ed. I currently have a learner's permit and have been looking forward to driving. I have been practicing for a long time, and I still have great difficulty.

My mother, who is always in the car when I drive, gets frustrated and panics because I make so many mistakes. She is not very confident in me and thinks I have not made any progress in my driving skills. She has told me to just give up and find some other way to transport myself. I really want to be able to use a car. What should I do? -- DRIVEN MAD IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR DRIVEN MAD: You should practice, practice, practice -- preferably with a licensed adult driver who won't panic when you make a mistake. But if that's not possible, then you should enlist the help of a professional driving instructor.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My younger brother died unexpectedly two years ago. He was only 27. Since then, my parents have befriended his close friends. There are two couples, the "Smiths," who have a baby they named after my brother (my parents are his godparents), and the "Joneses" (Bill Jones was my brother's best friend growing up).

My parents want to invite them to every holiday dinner or event we have. My husband and I host the dinners at our home because it's larger than my parents' and we enjoy entertaining. The problem is, the Smiths and the Joneses are inconsiderate guests. They are always late -- an hour or more -- and my mother always wants to wait for them! They eat, run, and barely talk to my husband. Sometimes they fail to show up without even a phone call. (Also, they never offer to help or bring anything.)

My parents are very forgiving and do not seem offended by it, even though they know I was very annoyed at the last holiday dinner and said so.

My husband says we will no longer host any holiday dinners if the Smiths and Joneses are coming. I agree with my husband and couldn't care less if these "friends" attend. However, I don't want to upset my parents. I understand their need to keep a part of my brother alive. Nor do I want to stop having holiday parties at my home. My parents' home is messy, cluttered, and they have cats to which my husband is allergic. Mama stresses out when she has to have anyone over.

Are my husband and I wrong to say enough is enough and ban the friends? How should we handle this without upsetting my already emotionally fragile parents? -- DISGUSTED HOSTESS

DEAR DISGUSTED: The Smiths and Joneses appear to be completely ignorant about the social graces. Apparently, no one has told them the importance of being on time for a dinner party, or calling to inform the hosts if plans have changed and they will be unable to attend. Nor do they seem to realize that part of being good guests is making conversation with everyone at the party -- the host included.

If you haven't already discussed this with your parents, it's time you did. Tell them they would do the Smiths and Joneses a favor to explain the basic rules of etiquette to them -- because if they pull this one more time, they will no longer be invited to your home.

Frankly, they are behaving as if they don't want to be entertained in your home, and their rudeness conveys that they don't appreciate your hospitality.

DEAR ABBY: In two weeks, I am moving to a place of my own. It's my first -- a condominium in a small garden-style complex with fewer than 16 units. I plan on living here for several years, and I'm interested in getting to know my neighbors.

How do I accomplish it? Should I go knocking on doors with some type of baked goods? I'm not usually a very outgoing person, but I think it's important to know the neighbors I'll be "living with" for the next few years of my life. Have you or your readers any suggestions? -- FIRST-TIME HOME BUYER

DEAR FIRST-TIME HOME BUYER: When a new person moves into a building, the neighbors are usually interested in seeing what the person has done with the unit. Rather than knocking on doors, slip an invitation to an "open house between 7 and 9 p.m." under their doors, then serve coffee and pastries over the two-hour period. I can't guarantee you will make lifelong friends, but it will acquaint you with your neighbors and them with you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My father has had several heart attacks. He currently has a pacemaker, which helps to maintain his heart rate.

Daddy has become obsessed with the idea that he could have a heart attack at any moment. He keeps his blood pressure monitor strapped to his arm at all times and constantly checks the levels to see if there is a problem.

Can you please tell me how to get through to him that he is stressing himself out so much worrying about having a heart attack that he's more likely to HAVE one? His mother worried so much about dying that she caused herself to have the stroke that killed her. Daddy is now acting just like she did.

Daddy says Mom and I don't understand what this kind of fear is like, but my father-in-law suffered through colon cancer before his death and never once complained or burdened us with his illness.

Abby, please help. My family is falling apart over this. -- ANXIOUS DAUGHTER IN TROY, N.Y.

DEAR ANXIOUS DAUGHTER: Death is a fact of life, and no two people react to the reality of impending mortality in the same way. Having had a brush with his own, your father's reaction is understandable.

Some people in his position make up their minds to live every moment of the rest of their lives to the fullest, postponing none of their pleasures. Others -- and I have known two -- spend their precious time living in fear and magnifying every twinge or anxiety. Both of them died anyway.

I can't live your father's life for him and neither can you. But perhaps a psychotherapist could help your father understand that nobody has a contract with God, so he should live his life as joyfully and healthfully as possible so he can make the best of whatever time is allotted to him -- which could be decades.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old, educated, professional woman. I met an attractive man of 36 at a wedding reception. We hit it off instantly -- danced together, joked, laughed, etc.

We have had several casual dates since, which all seemed to go well. He invited me to a dinner dance at his country club. After removing my wrap, he noticed a small tattoo on my shoulder and made a rude comment. Abby, he more than implied that tattoos are not acceptable in polite society and are associated with gangs, drunken sailors and other "lowlifes"! The evening did NOT go well, and I haven't heard from him since.

How can I explain to him that tasteful, artistic tattoos are in fashion and in no way diminish one's character? I really like him and would like to pursue a relationship. He doesn't return my calls or my e-mails. I am heartsick and think of him daily. What's your advice? -- LONELY IN ATLANTA

DEAR LONELY: While this "gentleman" may not like tattoos, he should be aware that they are now very common and are worn by about a third of the population, from what I'm told -- including doctors, lawyers, accountants and movie stars. My advice is to forget about a romance with him. From his perspective your relationship was only skin deep.

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