DEAR ABBY: My father has had several heart attacks. He currently has a pacemaker, which helps to maintain his heart rate.

Daddy has become obsessed with the idea that he could have a heart attack at any moment. He keeps his blood pressure monitor strapped to his arm at all times and constantly checks the levels to see if there is a problem.

Can you please tell me how to get through to him that he is stressing himself out so much worrying about having a heart attack that he's more likely to HAVE one? His mother worried so much about dying that she caused herself to have the stroke that killed her. Daddy is now acting just like she did.

Daddy says Mom and I don't understand what this kind of fear is like, but my father-in-law suffered through colon cancer before his death and never once complained or burdened us with his illness.

Abby, please help. My family is falling apart over this. -- ANXIOUS DAUGHTER IN TROY, N.Y.

DEAR ANXIOUS DAUGHTER: Death is a fact of life, and no two people react to the reality of impending mortality in the same way. Having had a brush with his own, your father's reaction is understandable.

Some people in his position make up their minds to live every moment of the rest of their lives to the fullest, postponing none of their pleasures. Others -- and I have known two -- spend their precious time living in fear and magnifying every twinge or anxiety. Both of them died anyway.

I can't live your father's life for him and neither can you. But perhaps a psychotherapist could help your father understand that nobody has a contract with God, so he should live his life as joyfully and healthfully as possible so he can make the best of whatever time is allotted to him -- which could be decades.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 26-year-old, educated, professional woman. I met an attractive man of 36 at a wedding reception. We hit it off instantly -- danced together, joked, laughed, etc.

We have had several casual dates since, which all seemed to go well. He invited me to a dinner dance at his country club. After removing my wrap, he noticed a small tattoo on my shoulder and made a rude comment. Abby, he more than implied that tattoos are not acceptable in polite society and are associated with gangs, drunken sailors and other "lowlifes"! The evening did NOT go well, and I haven't heard from him since.

How can I explain to him that tasteful, artistic tattoos are in fashion and in no way diminish one's character? I really like him and would like to pursue a relationship. He doesn't return my calls or my e-mails. I am heartsick and think of him daily. What's your advice? -- LONELY IN ATLANTA

DEAR LONELY: While this "gentleman" may not like tattoos, he should be aware that they are now very common and are worn by about a third of the population, from what I'm told -- including doctors, lawyers, accountants and movie stars. My advice is to forget about a romance with him. From his perspective your relationship was only skin deep.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a co-worker I'll call "Gloria" who invades a very personal place in my life. I don't know what to say to her without offending her, so I'm seeking your help.

My son and daughter-in-law live in a large city in a nearby state. Gloria's son and his wife happen to live in the same city, and she visits them about three times a year. When she heard that my son was moving there, she became very excited at the idea of the two of us riding together periodically to see our respective kids.

My son is a very private person and is involved in starting up a new business. He had plainly told me and my husband -- and all of the other relatives -- that we can visit only when an invitation is extended. That message was pretty clear to me and my husband, and we have honored his wishes.

Gloria, with whom I have worked for years, is constantly after me about going to visit our sons. "Any invitations yet?" she's always asking loudly.

When I tell her "No," she bellows, "Well, I think that's preposterous!" Then she goes on to spout her opinion of my son. If I did this to her, World War III would erupt right there in the office.

Gloria has never even met my son, yet she has endless opinions about him. This is really rubbing me the wrong way.

This woman fails to recognize that this is a touchy issue with me and doesn't get the hint. I have tried, "Well, that's a very personal question," to no avail. What can I politely say to get her to back off without causing strain in the office? -- KAY IN THE WESTERN HEMISPHERE

DEAR KAY: The problem with dropping "hints" to insensitive people is they usually don't take the hint. And you are compounding the problem by not addressing it directly.

If you want Gloria to stop her obnoxious behavior, have a chat with her in private. Tell her that you do not have the same "open-door" policy in your family that she seems to, and her questions and opinions about your son are making you uncomfortable. Tell her she should go ahead and see her son on her own and forget about you.

When you do receive an invitation to visit your son and daughter-in-law, do not utter a word about it to this woman, or she will start up again.

DEAR ABBY: I'm 13 years old, and -- I know this sounds kind of stupid -- I was cleaning out my fish tank and accidentally poured one of my fish down the sink. Now I'm feeling extremely guilty. Can you give me any advice on how to feel less guilty? -- MISSING MY FISH IN BELLINGHAM, WASH.

DEAR MISSING: If it makes you feel any less guilty, I am sure you are not the only fish owner this has happened to. To lessen your guilt, say a farewell prayer to your fish over the drain, then make a vow to be more careful in the future. Also, from now on, transfer your fish to another container when you're cleaning the tank.

DEAR READERS: Daylight-saving time ends at 2:00 Sunday morning, so don't forget to turn your clocks back one hour tonight when you go to bed.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago, prior to my grandmother's death, she gave my brothers and me her summer home. When we all went to see the place, we found an overgrown lot with a house in complete disrepair.

My brothers and their families wanted nothing to do with restoring it. They said they had neither the time nor the money to put into repairs, and "camping wasn't their thing." We all knew the only value in the place was the land, so we had a real estate company give us an appraisal. My husband and I decided we did want to rebuild the house, so we paid my brothers the full value of the property.

Five years and thousands of dollars later, the house has been rebuilt from the frame up. And now, here's the problem: My brothers and their wives say it is the "family" summer home and are demanding keys so they can come up and stay anytime. I had planned all along to hold family picnics and such, but not give out keys to the place.

My brothers are furious with me, and so is my mother. They say I'm "greedy" and don't know how to share. But Abby, we paid them off. We did all the work, and we pay all the bills each month, not to mention the taxes. The house is in my name only.

Now I wish Grandma had donated the land to the state park and kept us out of it. I know she wanted it to stay in the family, and so did I, but I don't think my family is being fair.

Grandma was also a hard worker, and she wasn't the type to let people walk all over her. Should I stick to my guns and welcome them to visit when we're here, or just sell the place (which would break my heart) and forget this ever happened? -- SORRY, NO VACANCY, IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR NO VACANCY: Selling the property wouldn't fix your problem because your relatives would then resent you for having done so. Instead, take a page out of your grandmother's book, thicken your skin, and -- as you put it -- stick to your guns.

You paid for the property fair and square, and your brothers willingly let it go. By inviting your relatives to enjoy it with you, you are being more than generous. Please don't allow yourself to be emotionally blackmailed into submission.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a freshman in high school. Today an upperclassman paid me $5 to do his homework. I did it on the condition that he pay me up front. The deal worked out OK -- I got my money and he got his work. (I know it was wrong, and I'll never do it again.)

Now I'm feeling guilty. I'm worried that my handwriting will be recognized, and I'll never be trusted again. Should I talk to my school counselor about it, and will I be turned in? I'm not sure if I should give myself up or just hope for the best. Please help. -- GUILT-RIDDEN IN NORFOLK, VA.

DEAR GUILT-RIDDEN: If the upperclassman is as lazy as he appears to be, his teacher won't be fooled by his sudden improvement, and he will only fall further behind than he already is. I don't think it's necessary to turn yourself in. Return the money you were given and tell the person who hired you that you won't ever do his work for him again.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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