DEAR ABBY: I know I should be telling the world how lucky I am and I should be happy, but I'm miserable. I am a 30-something mother of two, recently divorced.

I have started dating my husband's polar opposite. My ex was an alcoholic. He was in trouble with the law and could not earn a living to save his life. I not only supported us, but shouldered all the responsibility for our home and our children while he led his own life with his drinking buddies. But that is in the past.

Today I am seeing "Gary." We have been dating nine months. Gary treats me like a queen and is fabulous with my children. I think he worships the ground I walk on. He's loving, affectionate, generous and caring.

So why am I complaining? Because he is ALWAYS HERE. He never leaves! Yes, I get to work all day and he stops in only a few times a day, but the minute I am done, he is at my door. He usually has dinner with me or wants to take us out, so I have a hard time saying no.

He respects the fact that he can't spend the night in front of my kids, but he stays until they are asleep, so the only time I have to myself is when I'm sleeping. He spends every waking hour with me and comes with me wherever I go.

Gary jumps in and pays for everything before I can even pull my wallet from my purse. I feel crazy for complaining, but it makes me feel so indebted. I also feel stalked, controlled and burdened. Am I just being selfish? Is there a way to train myself to like to be spoiled? Help! -- SMOTHERED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR SMOTHERED: You are not being selfish. You were starving for certain things in your marriage to your ex and have overcorrected in this new relationship. Please don't think you are the only person to do this. It happens quite often.

You are about eight months overdue for a frank and honest discussion with Gary about the personal space you need. You are still healing from a dysfunctional marriage, and he appears to be so smitten -- or insecure -- that he's preventing you from figuring out where you end and he begins. It would be interesting to know what baggage this man is carrying.

Please, I urge you, set some clear boundaries before you become so upset with him that you "toss the baby out with the bathwater."

DEAR ABBY: My son, "Logan," recently started at a new school, and we are getting calls requesting play dates. So far, I have responded by offering to host, but eventually I will have to decide if I feel comfortable letting my son go to a home I'm not familiar with.

I feel strongly that Logan should not go to a home where the parents -- or children -- own guns. How do I ask the question without passing judgment? I respect my neighbors' right to own a firearm and don't wish to challenge their choice, but I simply cannot in good conscience allow my son to play in a home with a gun. -- ATLANTA MOM

DEAR ATLANTA MOM: Here's how to handle it. When your son is invited for a play date, say: "He'd love to come. But before I agree, I have a few questions: Who will be supervising the children? Are there any guns in the house? Do you plan on taking the children anywhere else?" They're all legitimate questions, and you don't come across as judgmental. As a parent you have a right to know.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading your response to "Desperate Mom in Miami" (Aug. 10), who was being married and wasn't sure if she should take her 4-year-old son on her honeymoon because she was afraid he'd be traumatized if he was left for 12 days, I have to respond. Of course he will be traumatized if his mother leaves him for that long!

"Desperate" has been living with this man since her child was 6 months old. They have already had their honeymoon, so they should go away for only the weekend without her son. Come on, Abby, it's an impressionable 4-year-old -- not an older child! -- T.C. IN WADSWORTH, OHIO

DEAR T.C.: I stand by my reply. While I did find it curious that "Desperate" had planned a 12-day honeymoon and then was uncomfortable about leaving her son with her mother and the boy's father, by age 4 children tend to be somewhat independent. The honeymoon will present the perfect opportunity for her son to get used to having other people around him. Other mothers with similar experiences offered helpful suggestions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You were spot-on in your advice to "Desperate Mom." Her separation anxiety (and that of her son) will be lessened with a little advance planning. She should buy some children's books, record herself reading them, and leave them with the boy's caregivers to listen to each night before bed.

She should also get some little cars or other low-cost toys, wrap them, and have Grandma and Daddy reward the boy's "grown-up behavior" at the end of the day. A 30-minute calling card will allow her son to talk to Mommy for a short time every other day or in case of emergency. The mother should also send postcards to arrive while she's gone, praising him as a big boy and closing with, "See you soon." -- SANDY IN CIRCLE PINES, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: I was recently married, and a 5-year-old daughter was part of the package. We took our honeymoon a couple of months later and explained to her what it was: a vacation for two people to take when they get married -- and children don't come. Period. We told her we would call to say hi and bring back a small gift.

She understood completely and was excited to spend extra time with my husband's mother and sister. She would not have enjoyed the trip we were taking, and I'll bet "Desperate's" son would feel the same way. Honeymoons are not for kids -- both for their sakes and the parents'. -- THE STEPMOM

DEAR ABBY: When I married for the second time, I had four children whom I left at home with my mother. Before I left, I assembled a goody bag for each of them -- one for each day I would be gone. Inside I placed a short letter telling them where I was likely to be on that day, and some of the things I might be doing. I also included a few pieces of candy and a small toy.

Every night before they went to bed the kids would open their goody bags and find a treat from me. They looked forward to it, and were able to tell from the number of bags left how many more days I would be gone. They enjoyed their toys and treats, and their separation anxiety was greatly diminished. -- WORKED FOR ME IN NEW HAMPSHIRE

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Desperate Mom" was correct. The idea of children being "traumatized" by a disrupted schedule has gotten out of control.

My friend sheltered her two boys from almost everything. They're now 18 and 20, and not only have almost no coping skills, but are also fearful of any social situation. I believe too many parents use "traumatized" as an excuse to avoid dealing with normal situations when they arise, and it is a disservice to their children. -- MICHIGAN MOM

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DEAR ABBY: My wife, "Nancy," and I have been married 3 1/2 years. We've always had our differences -- our taste in music and movies, and the fact that she's a social butterfly and I'm not. But we've always been loving and had similar goals and interests in other areas of life.

About four months ago, Nancy met a guy on MySpace. He's from southern Oklahoma; she's from Dallas. They hit it off right away and are now self-declared "best buds." I don't doubt that they are just friends. However, he always says how much he "cares" for her. They spend many hours a day talking to each other on the computer. I have voiced my concerns, which have been met with stiff resistance.

Now my wife is planning a trip to Dallas -- where her parents live -- to spend a week with them and this guy that she met online. I don't think anything is going on now, but I suppose it could happen.

What really bothers me is the amount of time they spend on the computer and leaving messages for each other when they aren't both on. It leaves no time for our marriage. It also tells me that Nancy isn't getting what she needs from me or is bored with me because she makes the choice to continually talk with him instead.

I have already told her I want a divorce based on the premise that "If marriage is a flame, she is snuffing it out."

Is this a sound choice on my part? Doing this is very difficult, and it's just begun. And yes, I am filled with so much anger, frustration and rage that it's hard to hold on. -- HURT BEYOND WORDS, CEDAR RAPIDS, IOWA

DEAR HURT: Your wife is having an emotional affair, and you have every right to feel the emotions you're experiencing. However, instead of telling her you want a divorce, you should have told her you wanted marriage counseling to see if the two of you could iron out your differences. If it isn't too late, please try it before she leaves for Texas, because if she goes, your problems will only compound.

I also recommend that you discuss the situation with your in-laws and try to enlist their help. I'm sure they will be less than thrilled to know that she's using her prospective visit as a way of meeting her new "best bud."

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with time. I am always late, no matter what -- whether it's to class, to see friends, to the movies. I am early occasionally, but usually I am barely on time or late.

I have tried giving myself time frames and everything else I can think of, but nothing ever works. I have just started high school, and I want to shed the reputation of being "the late Miss Suzie." Do you have any suggestions to help prevent my lateness? -- THE "LATE" MISS SUZIE

DEAR MISS SUZIE: I'm glad you realize that you have a problem, because being chronically late is not only evidence of poor time management, it is also rude and an inconvenience to others. There is truth to the old saying that when people are kept waiting, they use the time to count up the tardy person's faults.

I do have a suggestion that has worked for me. Because you are usually "barely" on time or late, set your clock 10 minutes ahead. Then "forget" about it and abide by your clock. The secret is in the forgetting.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)