DEAR ABBY: When I was around 10, my mother ended a relationship with the man who raised me from the age of 2. Soon after, she met "Bill." At first, Bill was nice, but after they bought a home together and got married, things changed. Bill became physically and sexually abusive to my mother, my siblings and me. The few years were pure hell.

I am now 26 and still coping with what he did to us. After they divorced, Bill simply moved on. He has never paid for any of the horrible things that he did to us.

I recently found out that Bill is remarried and has two more stepchildren. I am literally losing sleep thinking he may be doing those same things to them. What should I do? -- WORRIED SICK IN VANCLEAVE, MISS.

DEAR WORRIED SICK: You and your siblings should go to the police and make a statement about what the man did to you. That's what should have been done when your mother divorced him. It's interesting that he married two women who already had children, isn't it? Bill's current wife should also be notified, because a leopard doesn't usually change his spots -- and neither does an abusive pedophile.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are young and newly married. We have thrown several parties during the last two years. Our guest list consists mostly of family and some close friends from college.

This year we debated whether or not to have a Halloween party because the last few parties have resulted in huge messes for us to clean up the next day, as well as stragglers who don't leave until the wee hours of the morning. My husband and I both work full time and I attend graduate school at night.

We finally decided to have it, but put an ending time on the invitations this year so we will have time to clean the house before we go to bed, and also to get guests to leave at a reasonable hour. The party will be an open house lasting four hours.

What should I say to the people who are now approaching us and demanding to know why there's an ending time? Are we rude for imposing this restriction? I tried to explain to one guest, but he just didn't seem to get it.

-- FLUSTERED IN CINCINNATI

DEAR FLUSTERED: In no way was putting a beginning and ending time on your invitation rude. It was practical. The person questioning you is the one being rude, and because he "just didn't seem to get it" he should be told exactly what you told me.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 16-year-old girl who is extremely confused about my nationality. My maternal grandparents were born in Helsinki, Finland, and moved to the United States as teenagers. (Their parents were born in Finland as well.) I was always led to believe that this would make my mother a full-blooded Finn, even though she was born in the United States. Ever since I found this out, I have been studying the Finnish language and have become somewhat fluent.

Both my father's parents -- and my father as well -- were born in Manchester, England. His family moved here when dad was in his early teens. This, obviously, would make my father British.

I was born in the United States. This is where I start to get confused. Am I Finnish? Am I British? Am I half-and-half? Or am I American? If you can help me with this question, it would mean a lot to me. -- WONDERING IN RANGLEY, MAINE

DEAR WONDERING: Because you were born in the United States, your nationality is 100 percent American -- of Finnish and British extraction.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm private about my body. I'm not comfortable being nude in front of anyone except my sister, my best friend or, of course, my mother.

At slumber parties, most of the girls are very casual about undressing in front of each other. Because I am not comfortable with it, I change in the bathroom. (I'm the only one who does.)

Some of them let it be my business, but others make fun of me about it, which I find humiliating. I don't want to stop going to slumber parties because of this. How should I respond to their comments? It doesn't harm them, so shouldn't they just let it be my business? -- MODEST IN THE SOUTHWEST

DEAR MODEST: Of course it should be just your business. You have a right to march to a different drummer if you wish. However, the more you rise to the bait when being teased about being modest, the more it will happen. My advice is to smile and say, "OK, so I'm old-fashioned -- deal with it!" (It also couldn't hurt to grow a thicker skin.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 15-year-old girl in Indiana. My mom recently got out of an abusive relationship and I moved in with my friend. When Mom found a place to live, I joined her.

Now my friend is mad at me for leaving, and she's taking it out on my animals that are still over there. What should I do? -- SCARED IN BEDFORD

DEAR SCARED: The most important thing you should do is recognize that the relationship you have with this "friend" is also abusive. She is abusing your animals in an attempt to control you in the same way your mother's abuser tried to control her.

You must find another home for those poor animals as soon as possible. If that's not feasible, notify the animal rescue group or the nearest SPCA so your pets can be placed in a safer environment.

DEAR ABBY: I have a dear friend, "Karen," whose daughter grew up with mine all through elementary and high school. They are now both in their 20s. Karen's daughter, "Trish," decided to become a stripper and left home to live with an abusive boyfriend. She is now back home to get away from the man, and Karen told me that Trish had to strip a few more times to pay off some traffic tickets or she'd lose her driver's license.

Abby, Trish has been calling my daughter and has been over to my house a few times since her return. I told her and her mom that I don't want her over here because her boyfriend has been threatening to harm her and anyone who is with her.

Now Karen is upset with me! She says I am "insane" to think he would harm me and my family. She said if he tried to harm Trish it would be at the club where she dances. Abby, I lived through violence as a child, and I know you can never predict which ones will follow through on a threat like that. I don't want to lose my friendship with Karen, but I cannot allow that kind of scene back in my life. What can I do? -- TORN IN FLORIDA

DEAR TORN: Stand your ground, that's what. Your friend Karen is dreaming if she thinks she can predict the actions of a sociopath or a psychopath -- and that, in my opinion, is what an abuser is in most cases.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I recently accepted the honor of raising my 10-year-old nephew, "Matt." I have a daughter, "Sierra," who is also 10. Sierra's father is being a jerk about my raising someone else's child. He claims that by having Matt in the house, I am "taking away" from our daughter. She calls him the brother she has always wanted.

Matt was in trouble in the past. He has issues because he has been passed around a lot. We're dealing with it as a family. Matt is getting used to the fact that I am not going to throw him away no matter what he does, and he's straightening up. He's a great kid.

What should I do about the fact that my daughter's dad won't stop with the "he has parents, let them raise him" remarks? If I send Matt back, I know he'll end up in jail. He's doing well here. I told Sierra's father to mind his own business and I will handle mine, but he's being hateful about it toward me and our daughter. I know you'll have something good for me, Abby. Please share. -- CONCERNED AUNT IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR CONCERNED AUNT: Nowhere in your letter did you refer to "the father of your daughter" as your husband. In this case, that may be a good thing. It implies that he is not under your roof spreading his poison.

In most relationships, one party is more dominant than the other. In your case, I hope the dominant party is you, because you must draw a line in the sand that Sierra's father can't cross. The price he will have to pay for having a relationship with you and your daughter will be that he can no longer bad-mouth your nephew or your choice to raise him.

I know this isn't a decision that can be made lightly, but the question you must answer is: In the scheme of things, which "man" in your life is more important to you?

DEAR ABBY: My mother recently killed herself. She had been in pain for a long time and couldn't take it anymore.

My two young daughters -- ages 6 and 8 -- have asked me several times, "How did Nana die?" I told them Nana had been in a lot of pain for a long time, and then she died.

They continue to ask, though, how she died. I searched on the Internet, and many sources say to tell them what happened, but I feel they are too young. Also, my dad doesn't want me to tell them specifics. He feels they are too young to know she killed herself with a gun.

What should I do? When is the right time to tell them? How should I tell them? Please advise me because I have no idea how to handle this, and most parenting resources don't address this situation. -- LOVING DAUGHTER AND MOTHER

DEAR LOVING DAUGHTER: I have a hunch that the reason your daughters "continue to ask" how Nana died is they either already know the answer and want confirmation, or people have clammed up about it in their presence to the point they know something is wrong.

You should sit them down and ask them why they have been asking that question. Then tell them the truth -- that Nana was sick and in pain and ended her life earlier than anyone wanted her to.

You did not mention whether your mother killed herself because she was in physical or psychological pain. If it was the latter, it's important that your daughters understand in the coming years that depression can run in families, that there is help for it, and that they can come to you if they need to talk about anything that is troubling them.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)