DEAR ABBY: My mother has baby-sat my 1-year-old daughter, "Lily," since she was less than 2 months old because circumstances compelled me to return to work earlier than planned. She agreed to keep her for free to help my husband, "Riley," and me because she knows things are tough financially right now. We pay Mother as much as we can, and of course, provide all of Lily's food, diapers, etc. to keep at her house. I have thanked my mother many times, and hope she realizes how grateful we are for everything she does.

However, the longer Mother baby-sits Lily, the more she acts like she can overrule the decisions Riley and I make regarding our daughter. She complains about how "stupid" our pediatrician is (even though she has never met Lily's doctor personally). She tries to dictate what decisions we make based on her "mother-knows-best" philosophy, then becomes offended if we do something different.

Recently she informed me that she was sending back the "chunkier" baby food I had bought for Lily to eat at her house because she doesn't think Lily is ready for that kind of food. When I pointed out that Lily has been eating the same food at our house for the last two months, she hung up on me.

I have always tried to avoid confrontation with my mother, but when it comes to my daughter, I believe Mother should respect the decisions that Riley and I make. I'm afraid if I say anything, though, she'll refuse to keep Lily any longer. What should I do? -- IN A BIND IN TEXAS

DEAR IN A BIND: Your choice is whether to bite your tongue or bite the bullet. Avoiding confrontations may have worked when you were a child, but now that you are a parent your little girl's welfare must come first.

It appears your mother is trying to relive her own mothering experience by imposing her will on you. The situation is not healthy for you, your daughter, or even your mother. Either find the courage to talk to her woman-to-woman and clear the air, or you and Riley should make other child-care arrangements for your daughter.

DEAR ABBY: I entered high school this year and auditioned for a play. Well, I got the part. It's a pretty big one and I'm happy about it. However, I will have to kiss a senior! It will be my first kiss -- ever! I'm so nervous. I can't get out of the kiss or the role.

Please give me some tips about kissing. I know you are busy, but I really need your help. -- NEVER BEEN KISSED IN VERMONT

DEAR NEVER BEEN KISSED: This is something you need to discuss with the actor you'll be kissing, as well as the drama teacher who will be directing the play. If you're afraid you'll make a mistake because you don't know how to kiss, be comforted in the knowledge that most of the action will be assumed by the senior, who probably is experienced in that department. All you will need to do is lift your chin, close your eyes and pucker up. Also, there will be rehearsals before the performance -- and practice makes perfect. (Oh, the sacrifices we make for art!)

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and in high school. There's this boy, "Jon," who has liked me for a long time. Recently a friend of his asked me if I'd ever consider being Jon's girlfriend. I told him no. I said I liked Jon, just not in that way. Obviously, the friend told Jon.

My problem is Jon is now acting obsessive toward me. He calls me almost every day telling me he WILL make me his girlfriend someday.

Abby, I am friends with Jon's ex-girlfriend, "Sara," and that's one reason I said no. The second reason is that Sara confided in me that she broke up with Jon because he had begun to abuse her. The third is that I'm just not interested.

Jon follows me around the school when he thinks I don't know. He has even followed me home. I don't know what to do about this, so please print my letter. -- BEING STALKED IN VANCOUVER, B.C.

DEAR BEING STALKED: You cannot be "friends" with Jon, because he doesn't regard you in that way. The next time he calls, tell him he must stop calling, and that you know he has been following you, and that must stop, too. Then inform your parents what's been going on, and let them tell Jon's parents the attention you're receiving from their son is unwanted.

Years ago, people used to think that the behavior you have described was just part of young love. Since the early '90s, however, members of law enforcement and the mental health community have come to realize that individuals who behave the way Jon does may be mentally unbalanced. In your case, this may be just a teenage crush, but if Jon doesn't leave you alone, your family may have to involve the police.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I celebrated our 50th anniversary a few weeks ago. Last spring we jokingly said that we would have to throw the party for ourselves because no one else would. We took all kids, spouses and grandkids on a cruise over the summer because that's when the kids were out of school.

Well, our big day arrived. One daughter sent flowers, another bought a ham -- for me to cook. One son called to say "Happy Anniversary." The other son forgot.

I have been so depressed ever since that I break down in tears several times a day. Not one of our children thought our 50th was important enough to contact the siblings and say, "Hey, let's take Mom and Dad out to dinner on this special occasion." Am I wrong to feel hurt? How can I get beyond this? -- HURT BEYOND WORDS IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT BEYOND WORDS: Your children may have been under the impression that the cruise you took them on during the summer was all the celebration you had in mind. If so, then your problem is not one of neglect; it was one of poor communication.

The way to move beyond this is to dry your tears and resolve that you and your husband will schedule a romantic getaway for just the two of you. That way there will be no disappointments.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: A happy Eid al-Fitr, one and all!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Smitten in North Texas" (Aug. 17), who was romantically interested in his deceased father's wife, was not entirely correct.

True, there is no blood relationship between the two, but a relationship of a romantic nature between them is akin to incest because of the previously established relationship of a stepmom/stepson.

A more appropriate response would have been to advise "Smitten" to check the legality of such a relationship in the state of Texas with a family law attorney qualified to practice in that state. -- PAT IN PRICHARD, W.VA.

DEAR PAT: Thank you for writing and pointing out, so gently, that my answer was off the mark. I'm afraid it's time to drag out the old wet noodle, because after reviewing the mail I have received from readers around the country regarding that letter, "Smitten" should definitely consult an attorney -- and possibly a clergyperson -- before taking the relationship to the next level. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I wish to correct a flaw in your advice to "Smitten in North Texas" regarding a potential marriage to his now-former stepmother (his father having passed away). You advised the young man to go ahead with the relationship should he wish.

Under the current Texas Family Code, Chapter 6, Section 6.206: "A marriage is void if a party is a current or former stepchild or stepparent of the other party."

Therefore, under current Texas law, "Smitten" and his stepmother could not achieve a legally binding marriage. They would have to move to another state without such a provision to take that course of action. -- AWAITING MY BAR EXAM RESULTS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ABBY: Regarding your advice to "Smitten," be aware that some states, including Texas, outlaw marriage to your stepmother as incestuous. Others are Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee and Oklahoma. -- CLEM IN WALLINGFORD, PA.

DEAR ABBY: If the young man's mother is alive, how would she receive her son's new mate, who used to be her ex-husband's wife? "Smitten's" mother could be an undue source of stress in his marriage, and he should be alerted to that fact. -- OFFERING A WARNING IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: "Smitten" may be in trouble regarding the Bible's prohibition stating that "You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father's wife; it is your father's nakedness." (Leviticus 18:8.) A better suggestion would be to consult a knowledgeable ecumenical authority. -- MARLON IN ROSAMOND, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I'm afraid this time you misled your readers. In all heavenly religions (including Christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc.) if a man marries a woman -- providing having a sexual relationship between them -- his son may NEVER enter wedlock with his stepmother in any way at all! You do not have the right to allow them to marry. To do so would be irreligious, unethical and sinful. You owe palliation to pious readers. -- FATHER K., A MUSLIM READER

DEAR ABBY: I found it very interesting that in describing the "deeper, most romantic kind of love" that young man said he has for a former stepmother, the first on his list of attributes about her was that she is "built" (and don't forget "pretty"). Sounds like true love to me!

-- CYNICAL IN CHICAGO

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)