DEAR ABBY: I am 14 and in high school. There's this boy, "Jon," who has liked me for a long time. Recently a friend of his asked me if I'd ever consider being Jon's girlfriend. I told him no. I said I liked Jon, just not in that way. Obviously, the friend told Jon.

My problem is Jon is now acting obsessive toward me. He calls me almost every day telling me he WILL make me his girlfriend someday.

Abby, I am friends with Jon's ex-girlfriend, "Sara," and that's one reason I said no. The second reason is that Sara confided in me that she broke up with Jon because he had begun to abuse her. The third is that I'm just not interested.

Jon follows me around the school when he thinks I don't know. He has even followed me home. I don't know what to do about this, so please print my letter. -- BEING STALKED IN VANCOUVER, B.C.

DEAR BEING STALKED: You cannot be "friends" with Jon, because he doesn't regard you in that way. The next time he calls, tell him he must stop calling, and that you know he has been following you, and that must stop, too. Then inform your parents what's been going on, and let them tell Jon's parents the attention you're receiving from their son is unwanted.

Years ago, people used to think that the behavior you have described was just part of young love. Since the early '90s, however, members of law enforcement and the mental health community have come to realize that individuals who behave the way Jon does may be mentally unbalanced. In your case, this may be just a teenage crush, but if Jon doesn't leave you alone, your family may have to involve the police.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I celebrated our 50th anniversary a few weeks ago. Last spring we jokingly said that we would have to throw the party for ourselves because no one else would. We took all kids, spouses and grandkids on a cruise over the summer because that's when the kids were out of school.

Well, our big day arrived. One daughter sent flowers, another bought a ham -- for me to cook. One son called to say "Happy Anniversary." The other son forgot.

I have been so depressed ever since that I break down in tears several times a day. Not one of our children thought our 50th was important enough to contact the siblings and say, "Hey, let's take Mom and Dad out to dinner on this special occasion." Am I wrong to feel hurt? How can I get beyond this? -- HURT BEYOND WORDS IN TEXAS

DEAR HURT BEYOND WORDS: Your children may have been under the impression that the cruise you took them on during the summer was all the celebration you had in mind. If so, then your problem is not one of neglect; it was one of poor communication.

The way to move beyond this is to dry your tears and resolve that you and your husband will schedule a romantic getaway for just the two of you. That way there will be no disappointments.

TO MY MUSLIM READERS: A happy Eid al-Fitr, one and all!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Your response to "Smitten in North Texas" (Aug. 17), who was romantically interested in his deceased father's wife, was not entirely correct.

True, there is no blood relationship between the two, but a relationship of a romantic nature between them is akin to incest because of the previously established relationship of a stepmom/stepson.

A more appropriate response would have been to advise "Smitten" to check the legality of such a relationship in the state of Texas with a family law attorney qualified to practice in that state. -- PAT IN PRICHARD, W.VA.

DEAR PAT: Thank you for writing and pointing out, so gently, that my answer was off the mark. I'm afraid it's time to drag out the old wet noodle, because after reviewing the mail I have received from readers around the country regarding that letter, "Smitten" should definitely consult an attorney -- and possibly a clergyperson -- before taking the relationship to the next level. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I wish to correct a flaw in your advice to "Smitten in North Texas" regarding a potential marriage to his now-former stepmother (his father having passed away). You advised the young man to go ahead with the relationship should he wish.

Under the current Texas Family Code, Chapter 6, Section 6.206: "A marriage is void if a party is a current or former stepchild or stepparent of the other party."

Therefore, under current Texas law, "Smitten" and his stepmother could not achieve a legally binding marriage. They would have to move to another state without such a provision to take that course of action. -- AWAITING MY BAR EXAM RESULTS IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR ABBY: Regarding your advice to "Smitten," be aware that some states, including Texas, outlaw marriage to your stepmother as incestuous. Others are Rhode Island, South Carolina, Tennessee and Oklahoma. -- CLEM IN WALLINGFORD, PA.

DEAR ABBY: If the young man's mother is alive, how would she receive her son's new mate, who used to be her ex-husband's wife? "Smitten's" mother could be an undue source of stress in his marriage, and he should be alerted to that fact. -- OFFERING A WARNING IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: "Smitten" may be in trouble regarding the Bible's prohibition stating that "You shall not uncover the nakedness of your father's wife; it is your father's nakedness." (Leviticus 18:8.) A better suggestion would be to consult a knowledgeable ecumenical authority. -- MARLON IN ROSAMOND, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I'm afraid this time you misled your readers. In all heavenly religions (including Christianity, Islam, Judaism, etc.) if a man marries a woman -- providing having a sexual relationship between them -- his son may NEVER enter wedlock with his stepmother in any way at all! You do not have the right to allow them to marry. To do so would be irreligious, unethical and sinful. You owe palliation to pious readers. -- FATHER K., A MUSLIM READER

DEAR ABBY: I found it very interesting that in describing the "deeper, most romantic kind of love" that young man said he has for a former stepmother, the first on his list of attributes about her was that she is "built" (and don't forget "pretty"). Sounds like true love to me!

-- CYNICAL IN CHICAGO

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: After an unhappy, sexless 12-year marriage, I divorced my husband. Six months later I met a handsome, divorced dermatologist on the Internet. We were immediately attracted to each other and, six weeks later, he invited me to move in with him, which I did.

Last week after I picked up our clothes at the dry cleaner and checked them as I loaded them into the car, I came across an expensive black lace bra, size 36DD. (I am a small B.) I became very upset -- I tend to be the jealous type -- and threw it out the sunroof of my car onto the freeway on my way home.

When my boyfriend got home from his medical meeting that night, I confronted him. He told me it had to have been mistakenly added to our order, and asked me what I had done with it. When I said I had thrown it out, he became irate and ordered me to look for it.

The next day, his friend (a lawyer) called me and told me the bra was evidence in a sexual assault case. He said it had DNA on it and he needed it for court. He said I should go back to the freeway and look for it. I did, but could not locate it.

I feel guilty for losing my temper and for possibly causing the lawyer to lose this important case. My boyfriend is still mad at me. How can I make this right?

-- TRUSTING IN L.A.

DEAR TRUSTING: You need to develop a strong sense of skepticism. I have heard some tall tales in my time, but the one the lawyer told you takes the cake.

If the bra was evidence of a felony in a court of law, it would have been in police custody, not your laundry hamper. Also, once it had been through the dry cleaning process, any DNA would have been compromised.

Your boyfriend is not only a cheater, he's also trying to avoid buying the woman a replacement bra. Rather than trying to make this right, you should be shedding the skin doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I need help deciding what to do about my last name. I am going through a divorce and am not sure if I should return to my maiden name.

I was married more than 35 years and my children are grown with families of their own. Many women have told me they wouldn't keep their married name -- that a divorce is a new start, and I'm not "that person" anymore.

It's just that I'm so used to my married name -- but then again, I only took the name because I got married. Please help me decide. -- IN NAME ONLY, PHOENIX

DEAR IN NAME ONLY: The women who are urging you to take back your maiden name are doing so because they wanted to close an unhappy chapter in their lives and have as few reminders as possible. There are no hard-and-fast rules about this subject. If you are comfortable using your married name, then continue to do so. If you wouldn't mind correcting people who have known you for the last 35 years and telling them, "My name is now ..." then go ahead and change it.

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