DEAR ABBY: After an unhappy, sexless 12-year marriage, I divorced my husband. Six months later I met a handsome, divorced dermatologist on the Internet. We were immediately attracted to each other and, six weeks later, he invited me to move in with him, which I did.

Last week after I picked up our clothes at the dry cleaner and checked them as I loaded them into the car, I came across an expensive black lace bra, size 36DD. (I am a small B.) I became very upset -- I tend to be the jealous type -- and threw it out the sunroof of my car onto the freeway on my way home.

When my boyfriend got home from his medical meeting that night, I confronted him. He told me it had to have been mistakenly added to our order, and asked me what I had done with it. When I said I had thrown it out, he became irate and ordered me to look for it.

The next day, his friend (a lawyer) called me and told me the bra was evidence in a sexual assault case. He said it had DNA on it and he needed it for court. He said I should go back to the freeway and look for it. I did, but could not locate it.

I feel guilty for losing my temper and for possibly causing the lawyer to lose this important case. My boyfriend is still mad at me. How can I make this right?

-- TRUSTING IN L.A.

DEAR TRUSTING: You need to develop a strong sense of skepticism. I have heard some tall tales in my time, but the one the lawyer told you takes the cake.

If the bra was evidence of a felony in a court of law, it would have been in police custody, not your laundry hamper. Also, once it had been through the dry cleaning process, any DNA would have been compromised.

Your boyfriend is not only a cheater, he's also trying to avoid buying the woman a replacement bra. Rather than trying to make this right, you should be shedding the skin doctor.

DEAR ABBY: I need help deciding what to do about my last name. I am going through a divorce and am not sure if I should return to my maiden name.

I was married more than 35 years and my children are grown with families of their own. Many women have told me they wouldn't keep their married name -- that a divorce is a new start, and I'm not "that person" anymore.

It's just that I'm so used to my married name -- but then again, I only took the name because I got married. Please help me decide. -- IN NAME ONLY, PHOENIX

DEAR IN NAME ONLY: The women who are urging you to take back your maiden name are doing so because they wanted to close an unhappy chapter in their lives and have as few reminders as possible. There are no hard-and-fast rules about this subject. If you are comfortable using your married name, then continue to do so. If you wouldn't mind correcting people who have known you for the last 35 years and telling them, "My name is now ..." then go ahead and change it.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I could not disagree more with your advice to "Ticked Off in San Diego" (Aug. 18), whose mother forced her and her siblings to attend a church service before they could celebrate Father's Day. You implied that "Ticked" should acquiesce to her emotional blackmail and just go to church. Not only does that endorse the hateful, overbearing crone ramming her religious beliefs down everyone's throats, but it doesn't take into account the whole point of attending church.

People go to church to express their worship and have an uplifting, meaningful experience -- not just sit there because some domineering old woman forces them to.

At 50 years old, "Ticked" is entitled to make her own choices. Her right to not participate in organized religion should be respected and takes precedence over a selfish family member browbeating everyone into submitting to her childish demands. One of the most dangerous and distasteful things about modern society is how free people feel to force their religious beliefs on others. -- RELIGION-FREE IN PHOENIX

DEAR RELIGION-FREE: I advised "Ticked Off" to offer to pick up her parents after church to take them out to celebrate, rather than going to their home to share a meal. I added that if her mother refused, "Ticked" may have to "bite the bullet," sit through the service, and ultimately have fewer regrets when her parents are gone.

I was impressed by the many thoughtful and spirited responses I received from readers citing personal experiences to support their views -- which, by the way, differ greatly from yours. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Shouting, "You can't tell me what to do!" sounds more like 15 than 50. It's time to grow up, "Ticked." Your parents are in their 80s. If you haven't persuaded them to change their views in the last 30 years or so, you're not likely to do so now.

A church service lasts an hour. So suck it up, put a smile on your face, and go to please your parents. Putting someone else's pleasure ahead of your own for a few minutes won't kill you, and there may not be all that many more opportunities for you to be together. Don't waste these being petty and standing on what you perceive to be "principle." -- KAREN IN ERIEVILLE, N.Y.

DEAR ABBY: For a senior citizen who is active in church, this may be his or her main social circle. My guess is that Mom wants the "kids" to join her in church so she can introduce them to all her friends. She is probably proud of their accomplishments and wants to show them off. Many churches also have special recognition for families in attendance, and Mom doesn't want to be left out.

Spend every minute you can with your parents. Mine passed away when I was in my teens. Trust me -- church is a far better place than the ICU for bonding with Mom and Dad. -- JO IN FRANKLIN, TENN.

DEAR ABBY: I am an atheist, but I go to Christmas Mass every year with my grandmother. It is what she wants for Christmas and an easy enough request for me to fulfill. What harm is there in attending a church service to make a loved one happy? Although I am not converted afterward, she is thrilled with the fact that I attended.

By the way, at last year's Mass, I was the only one who offered to give up his seat to a little old lady who was limping up the aisle with a cane. My grandmother said, "Well, at least you ACT like a Christian," and we both laughed. -- MORAL ATHEIST IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR ABBY: My mom died when I was 12. My dad died when I was 29. Some people don't know when they are lucky. I wish I had the chance to be around cranky old parents. -- BOB IN ALPHARETTA, GA.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: For many people, home is a place where they feel safe and secure. But what happens when "home" becomes a place you need to escape from because of a fire? If you don't have an immediate answer to that question, you are not alone. Many individuals do not have a plan, or practice what to do in the event of a fire. But these life-saving steps are critical.

Eight out of every 10 fire deaths in the United States occur in homes. Each year, between 2,500 and 3,000 people are killed in home fires, while an estimated 12,000 to 13,000 suffer injuries.

All of us must share in the responsibility of protecting ourselves, our homes and our communities from fire. Ideally, this means preventing fires from happening in the first place, but it also means being prepared to escape should a fire occur. Planning and practicing escape from a fire makes it more likely that people will survive one.

All families should also make sure they have working smoke alarms. In order to successfully escape a fire, it is vital to be alerted to one as early as possible. Smoke alarms should be on every level of your home, inside each sleeping room and outside each sleeping area. They should be tested once a month and should never be disabled or have their batteries removed.

I hope that everyone reading this will take the time during Fire Prevention Week (Oct. 7-13) to review fire safety and practice a home fire escape plan. Resources for developing a plan and safety tips are available at � HYPERLINK "http://www.firepreventionweek.org" ��www.firepreventionweek.org�. -- JAMES M. SHANNON, PRESIDENT, NATIONAL FIRE PROTECTION ASSOCIATION

DEAR JAMES: There's an old saying, "An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure." So thank you for offering me the opportunity to remind everyone about the importance of being prepared in advance for an emergency evacuation in case of fire -- or some other natural disaster.

Readers, this year the National Fire Protection Association is focusing its annual public awareness campaign on home fire escape planning. The theme: Practice Your Escape Plan.

Having an escape plan in place is essential to being prepared to act quickly in case of emergency. To develop a home fire escape plan, identify two ways out of each room and designate a meeting place outside. Make sure the plan addresses any specific needs of household members. Also, consider that some people may not awaken to the sound of the smoke alarms and may require help to wake up.

Having an escape plan that has been practiced in advance allows more time to get out if a fire occurs. And should a fire strike, those precious moments can mean the difference between life and death.

DEAR ABBY: Can you please settle a disagreement? I am a single guy who occasionally does some traveling with four friends. (Two couples.) Some think the hotel room should be split per person, and some think per bed. Which do you think is more fair? -- TRAVELING MAN

DEAR TRAVELING MAN: The room should be paid for by dividing the bill equally among the number of heads on the pillows. In your case, that would be a five-way split if all of you are sharing a room, or a three-way split if you are sharing a room with one couple.

DEAR ABBY: When filling out a job application, what would you write as the "Reason for Leaving" if you were fired? -- SANDRA IN STONE MOUNTAIN, GA.

DEAR SANDRA: You should write "personal reasons" on the application. During your interview if you are asked about it, under no circumstances should you lie or say anything bad about your former employer. Sometimes employment doesn't work out for the simple reason that there was a "personality conflict."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)