DEAR ABBY: I am close friends with a couple I'll call "Angie" and "Gil." I met them at the same time and have always been unattached while they are a married couple. This didn't matter, and we hit it off right away.

The problem is, when Angie gets mad at Gil for whatever reason, she wants me to be mad, too. She thinks I should take sides, and this makes me uncomfortable because they are both my friends. Gil has never asked me to take sides with him.

Angie has gone so far as to request that I ignore any attempts by Gil to contact me if they are fighting. (He never does.) I feel bad for him and like I am betraying a friend by agreeing to do as she asks. I don't know how to explain to her that as they are both my friends, I would rather be left out of their arguments and not have to choose sides.

Am I wrong to be friends with a couple? Is this inviting trouble because I am single? -- EXASPERATED IN IOWA

DEAR EXASPERATED: There is nothing wrong with a single person being friendly with a married couple. It is only "inviting trouble" when one of them is as immature and controlling as Angie appears to be.

My advice is to put Angie on notice that you will not accept being drawn into their arguments -- and if she cannot respect the fact that you prefer to remain neutral, you will have to distance yourself from both of them.

DEAR ABBY: I work for an organization that allows nepotism. Many husband/wife/child combinations are employed here.

My supervisor is married to one of our deputy directors, and their son is also employed here. The son works in my department and is supervised by his dad. This person sleeps in his cubby, comes in late and leaves early. He is incompetent at answering the phone and has committed serious errors in working with clients. He has also told co-workers that he can't be fired because of who his mother and father are.

What's the best way to handle working within this situation? Does this violate any laws? -- JUST WONDERING IN WACO, TEXAS

DEAR JUST WONDERING: It violates the laws of common business sense. Many companies do not allow relatives of employees to be hired for the very reasons you have described. Because this young man's shortcomings are affecting clients, it is only a matter of time until it's reflected in the bottom line.

Since you are unhappy -- and with good reason -- look for other employment. The "ship" you're on now does not appear to be seaworthy.

DEAR ABBY: Please help settle an argument between my husband and me. We have been married for 24 years. When he drives and I am with him, he refuses to move the sun visor on his side to keep the sun out of my eyes. He says the visor will block his vision and he won't use it -- even for himself.

Why would the car manufacturer put in visors that could block the driver's vision? I think his argument is wrong.

I end up holding up a magazine or my hand to block the sun since sunglasses are not enough. My arm gets tired after a few minutes. I feel he is rude not to do this for me. What do you think? -- MAD IN MARYLAND

DEAR MAD: I think you should wear a hat with a wide brim and lots of sunscreen. A woman has to take care of herself.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: It has recently come to my attention that my doctor was married for almost 20 years and divorced his wife to marry a much younger woman. I am upset over this because I feel he just threw her away after she had four children with him.

I don't know why I feel so strongly about it, but never in my wildest dreams did I think he would do something like this. I find it hard to look him in the eye and trust his judgment about my health.

I have a serious medical test coming up that he will be performing. I don't know what to do. I just can't stop thinking about this. I feel so bad for his wife and grown children. Please help me. I don't dare talk to anyone about this. -- SHAKEN IN MAYNARD, MASS.

DEAR SHAKEN: There could be a couple of reasons why you're obsessing about what you heard. The first may be that you identify strongly with your doctor's wife and resent the idea that she could have been traded in for a newer model. And second, you are distracting yourself with gossip about his personal life rather than focusing on the seriousness of the test you're facing.

People's professional qualifications usually have little to do with the state of their love lives. A doctor, lawyer, veterinarian -- even a politician -- can be capable and effective in his (or her) job and still waver in the face of temptation. (Also, has it occurred to you that your doctor's wife may have divorced HIM because she found someone more emotionally fulfilling after the children were grown?)

For the sake of your health, please consider being less judgmental and concentrate on your own needs and prognosis. It doesn't take a saint to read an X-ray or analyze a biopsy -- it involves a different part of the brain than that which guides the impulses of the heart. If you cannot do that, then you should consult another doctor.

DEAR ABBY: Last Christmas I received a beautiful, yet inappropriate, gift from a relative by marriage. He gave me a curved diamond pendant. I don't know if it's real or if it's cubic zirconium. Either way, this type of pendant starts at around $99.

I do not have the same feelings for him that he does for me. Also, I don't think he knows me well enough to assume that this would be an appropriate gift. If he did know me, he would have known that it would make me uncomfortable.

I haven't spoken to him in person since Christmas, although he sometimes e-mails me. So maybe he has gotten the hint. The pendant is currently sitting in the box it came in and is in my desk drawer. I'm not sure if I should return it, keep it or sell it. -- OFFENDED IN WILDER, IDAHO

DEAR OFFENDED: I am having difficulty understanding why a gift so generous would be offensive. Clearly this relative (by marriage) wanted you to have something beautiful. The time to have returned the gift would have been immediately after you received it, with a note saying that you appreciated his generosity but could not accept it because you could not reciprocate in a similar fashion.

Because you obviously do not have warm feelings for this person, either give the item away or sell it. It is doing no one any good sitting in a drawer because of its unpleasant associations.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: A friend and I have the same personal trainer. Occasionally, he has used me to make her work harder.

Yesterday he worked me very hard, and so I called her to tell her that she would need to eat an extra protein and complex carbohydrate because he had worked me unusually hard, and she would be worked hard, too. She is very competitive and called me while her husband was present to tell me that she had done better during her workout than I had.

I have laughed off other comments she has made, but I think this is her way of keeping herself on a higher level than I am on. I recently lost a lot of weight, and she is now on a diet to make sure she stays smaller than I am.

As you can see, this has upset me, and I am tired of her one-upmanship. Am I overreacting? -- HURT IN ARKANSAS

DEAR HURT: Competition is a two-way street. It's time to either find a different trainer or stop competing with your friend.

Getting in shape and staying in shape is a personal journey. Constantly comparing yourself to what others are doing is not only unhealthy, but can also be dangerous. A word of warning: Many people have injured themselves doing this, and have torn themselves down instead of building themselves up.

DEAR ABBY: I have a friend I'll call "Louella" who constantly repeats stories she has told me before. My husband thinks it is all right to interrupt her and remind her that she has already told the story.

I think the polite thing to do is let her finish and react as if I've never heard it. What is the appropriate thing to do when you've already heard a story once, twice or 10 times before? -- HEARD IT ALREADY IN PORT ORANGE, FLA.

DEAR HEARD IT: If you have heard the story once, let Louella tell it again. However, if she is repeating the stories more than once, I agree with your husband. It is not rude to speak up and point out that the story has been related to you before.

If Louella is literally telling the same stories as many as 10 times because she has forgotten that she has told you, it could be that she is in the early stages of dementia. As a precaution, her family should be told so that, if necessary, she can be evaluated by a physician.

DEAR ABBY: I work as an animal control officer, and today I was again called to the shelter because of yet another dog bite. (The person is now facing surgery to repair her chin.)

Please advise your readers that when they visit a shelter to adopt a pet or just look, putting their fingers and hands in the cages can be both risky and dangerous. I wish I could say that unfortunate things never happen, but they do.

Please remember it's not your dog or cat. You don't know its temperament or what illness it might have. You can bring that illness home to your own pets, or worse, spread a disease from animal to animal. -- NO MORE BITE REPORTS, PLEASE, IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR NO MORE BITE REPORTS: Thank you for stating the obvious because it appears that people need the reminder. I am told not only does this happen at animal shelters and pet shops, but also at zoos.

Thought for the day: Do not put your fingers and hands -- or chins -- where they don't belong. This can save you from pain, regret and doctor bills.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)