DEAR ABBY: I am recently married, and every night my husband "tells" me when it's time for us to retire for the night. This can be anytime from 9:30 to 11:30 p.m.

If I tell him -- which is not often -- that I am ready for bed before he is, he gets upset. However, if he is ready to go to bed, and I tell him I'd like to finish a book I'm reading or watch a little more TV, he gets upset.

When I try to talk to him about this, he says that married men and women should go to bed "together," period! But Abby, it is always on his timetable. What about mine? Needless to say, we have both gone to bed angry.

How do we deal with this without both of us getting angry and resenting each other? -- TIRED OF BEING TIRED, DES MOINES, IOWA

DEAR TIRED OF BEING TIRED: It appears you have married a man with control issues. Being married does not mean being joined at the hip. People have different biorhythms, and a trip down the aisle does not magically transform a night person into a day person or vice versa.

I'm all for young married love and the spirit of togetherness, but only if it's voluntary. Your husband needs to learn the art of compromise because it appears he is being extremely heavy-handed.

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend, "Lauren," and I are both 16. She has a 12-year-old sister I'll call "Crystal" who makes no secret of the fact that she has a crush on me. When I'm at their house, Crystal is all over me and won't leave me alone.

I don't want to be mean to Crystal and hurt her feelings, but being nice to her just makes things worse. Lauren has tried to tell her sister that I'm not interested in her, but she won't listen and claims that Lauren is jealous.

How can I deal with this and not hurt the girl's feelings? -- LARRY IN CICERO, ILL.

DEAR LARRY: Because Lauren has spoken to her sister and tried to discourage her without success, the next person to have a talk with Crystal should be her mother. The girl's behavior is inappropriate.

First love can be an overwhelming emotion -- especially when the object is unattainable -- but she has no right to be "all over you" to the point of embarrassment, and Crystal's mother needs to explain that to her. After that, if the behavior continues, then you will have to be the one to set her straight.

DEAR ABBY: My dad owns a restaurant, and he doesn't want to hire any more employees because he thinks my mom can do all the jobs. She rarely gets a day off. Yesterday was her first day off after working 14-hour days for an entire month. Mom keeps telling Dad she wants a few more days off because she needs to do other things -- like laundry or cleaning the house.

Is there anything I can say to him to make him understand that she gets tired and needs a break? -- WORRIED ABOUT MOM IN IRVING, TEXAS

DEAR WORRIED ABOUT MOM: Not knowing the economic constraints your father is under in running his restaurant, I'm not sure there is. His reason for needing your mother in the place may have less to do with greed than necessity.

Of course, the person who should impress upon your father that she's tired and needs a break is your mother. If she is unwilling or unable to do that, then rather than interceding with your father, it would be more helpful if YOU took over some of the cleaning and laundry chores. Do that, and I'm sure both your parents will be grateful.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: The other day in one of my classes, our teacher was discussing a rather delicate subject, and we were all laughing. I really needed to pass gas, but was trying to hold it in.

Well, our teacher made a comment that sent me over the edge, and I let out a long, loud fart. Everyone in the class heard it.

I know I shouldn't be so thin-skinned, but the comments the other students made were extremely hurtful and embarrassing, and I wanted to curl up and die. I'm capable of laughing at myself, but the comments my classmates made were not the kind that I could easily laugh along with.

Please, Abby, how do you deal with a situation like this? -- FRAGRANT FLOWER IN KANSAS

DEAR FRAGRANT FLOWER: What happened to you has happened to everyone at one time or another. The way it's usually handled is by trying to ignore it, or by pointing to someone else and asking, "Did YOU expel gas?" However, since you were caught dead to rights and there was no escaping it, my advice is to just let the episode blow over.

DEAR ABBY: We belong to a couples group that meets once a month for a game of cards. We take turns at each other's homes. When the games are in our homes, we provide the refreshments.

One couple -- both of whom are professionals -- always asks the rest of us to bring potluck dishes. This has become a regular practice for them.

We need a nice way to let them know we feel they're taking advantage of the rest of us. They can well afford to have the gathering catered or prepare the meal themselves. What do you suggest? -- TIRED OF BRINGING A DISH

DEAR TIRED: The next time you and the rest of the group are asked to bring a dish, tell the couple that it "isn't convenient." If they hear it from all of you, they may get this hint. If they don't, then you should tell them what you have told me because it does appear that you're being taken advantage of. The alternative is to deal those jokers out.

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to say thank you. I was reading your online archives and found the answer to my problem there. Usually the question you get is, "What should I tell people when they ask me when we're going to have a kid?" Well, mine is the opposite.

My mother and mother-in-law ask me when I'm going to get my tubes tied! My husband and I have only two children. We make good money, and we don't ask our parents to baby-sit. Our children are intelligent and well-behaved.

Usually you tell people to ignore the question or say, "Why do you ask?" Those responses didn't work for me. But recently you advised someone to respond, "If it were any of your business you would already know the answer to that question." Abby, that one worked for me! They both said I was rude to answer them like that. But when I told them so was their question, they got the hint. So, once again, thank you very much. -- GRATEFUL IN PALMDALE, CALIF.

DEAR GRATEFUL: You're welcome. I don't usually print the thank-you letters I receive for my advice, but I'm making an exception with yours because the question you were asked was so far out of line. You can't expect people to respect boundaries if they don't know where they are.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 years old. I have a friend I'll call "Betsy" whose father has hit her or tried to hit her twice. She is depressed and unhappy -- clearly suffering. Aside from this abuse, I know her family is having other issues.

My family knows about the situation but has made it clear to me they don't want to get involved in another family's business. I am so worried about breaking up the family and hurting them further. However, I don't want Betsy to be hurt anymore. How can I help? -- HELPING HAND IN VERMONT

DEAR HELPING HAND: You are a caring friend, and I wish you had been more forthcoming about what "other issues" were going on in Betsy's household. I don't know what kind of pressure her father may be under, but he should not be striking her.

If it continues, rather than calling the police yourself, you should inform a teacher or counselor at your school, or your clergyperson. They are mandated by law to report it when a minor is being placed in danger or harmed, and the police are more likely to give credence to such a report if they hear it from an adult.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Valerie," just signed herself into a detox center for the first time. My problem is, I found out her drug supplier is my sister, "Lois." Lois gets her drugs from a pain clinic and sells them to various people. Apparently she was selling them to Valerie, too.

We all live with my mother. I have told my mother I want Lois out, or I will be leaving. Mom says Lois is her daughter, too, and she won't desert her. Am I wrong? -- DESPERATE IN DELAWARE

DEAR DESPERATE: You are not wrong. Your mother's loyalties are seriously misplaced. As a parent, it is your job to protect your child from harm.

Instead of tolerating your sister's activities and allowing her to continue her drug dealing, your mother should have put a stop to it long ago. Does she not realize that when the police find out -- and they eventually will -- she could suffer serious consequences?

You should definitely move -- not only for your own safety, but also because when your daughter is discharged from rehab, she will have to forgo being in the presence of drugs and dealing. And when you leave, warn your mother that she could be considered an accessory to crime.

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 years old and still a virgin. I work as a stripper. Outside of work I am just a normal girl, studying for my bachelor's degree in nursing.

I am friendly, attractive and outgoing, but no man has ever tried to approach or even talk to me when I'm not dancing naked. Is there something wrong with me? -- "TASSLES" IN FORT LAUDERDALE

DEAR "TASSLES": I am sure there is nothing "wrong" with you. The men who approach you when you're dancing are not interested in the kind of relationship you are looking for. Be patient, use this time to study, and be thankful you aren't being distracted right now. With a degree in nursing you will have a bright future ahead. I'm sure you'll meet a terrific life partner when the time is right.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)