life

Classmates Hear Sour Note When Girl Toots Her Horn

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2007 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: The other day in one of my classes, our teacher was discussing a rather delicate subject, and we were all laughing. I really needed to pass gas, but was trying to hold it in.

Well, our teacher made a comment that sent me over the edge, and I let out a long, loud fart. Everyone in the class heard it.

I know I shouldn't be so thin-skinned, but the comments the other students made were extremely hurtful and embarrassing, and I wanted to curl up and die. I'm capable of laughing at myself, but the comments my classmates made were not the kind that I could easily laugh along with.

Please, Abby, how do you deal with a situation like this? -- FRAGRANT FLOWER IN KANSAS

DEAR FRAGRANT FLOWER: What happened to you has happened to everyone at one time or another. The way it's usually handled is by trying to ignore it, or by pointing to someone else and asking, "Did YOU expel gas?" However, since you were caught dead to rights and there was no escaping it, my advice is to just let the episode blow over.

life

Dear Abby for September 30, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2007 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: We belong to a couples group that meets once a month for a game of cards. We take turns at each other's homes. When the games are in our homes, we provide the refreshments.

One couple -- both of whom are professionals -- always asks the rest of us to bring potluck dishes. This has become a regular practice for them.

We need a nice way to let them know we feel they're taking advantage of the rest of us. They can well afford to have the gathering catered or prepare the meal themselves. What do you suggest? -- TIRED OF BRINGING A DISH

DEAR TIRED: The next time you and the rest of the group are asked to bring a dish, tell the couple that it "isn't convenient." If they hear it from all of you, they may get this hint. If they don't, then you should tell them what you have told me because it does appear that you're being taken advantage of. The alternative is to deal those jokers out.

life

Dear Abby for September 30, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2007 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am writing to say thank you. I was reading your online archives and found the answer to my problem there. Usually the question you get is, "What should I tell people when they ask me when we're going to have a kid?" Well, mine is the opposite.

My mother and mother-in-law ask me when I'm going to get my tubes tied! My husband and I have only two children. We make good money, and we don't ask our parents to baby-sit. Our children are intelligent and well-behaved.

Usually you tell people to ignore the question or say, "Why do you ask?" Those responses didn't work for me. But recently you advised someone to respond, "If it were any of your business you would already know the answer to that question." Abby, that one worked for me! They both said I was rude to answer them like that. But when I told them so was their question, they got the hint. So, once again, thank you very much. -- GRATEFUL IN PALMDALE, CALIF.

DEAR GRATEFUL: You're welcome. I don't usually print the thank-you letters I receive for my advice, but I'm making an exception with yours because the question you were asked was so far out of line. You can't expect people to respect boundaries if they don't know where they are.

life

Dear Abby for September 30, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 30th, 2007 | Letter 4 of 4

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Friend Looks on Helplessly at Troubled Family in Crisis

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 29th, 2007 | Letter 1 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am 15 years old. I have a friend I'll call "Betsy" whose father has hit her or tried to hit her twice. She is depressed and unhappy -- clearly suffering. Aside from this abuse, I know her family is having other issues.

My family knows about the situation but has made it clear to me they don't want to get involved in another family's business. I am so worried about breaking up the family and hurting them further. However, I don't want Betsy to be hurt anymore. How can I help? -- HELPING HAND IN VERMONT

DEAR HELPING HAND: You are a caring friend, and I wish you had been more forthcoming about what "other issues" were going on in Betsy's household. I don't know what kind of pressure her father may be under, but he should not be striking her.

If it continues, rather than calling the police yourself, you should inform a teacher or counselor at your school, or your clergyperson. They are mandated by law to report it when a minor is being placed in danger or harmed, and the police are more likely to give credence to such a report if they hear it from an adult.

life

Dear Abby for September 29, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 29th, 2007 | Letter 2 of 4

DEAR ABBY: My daughter, "Valerie," just signed herself into a detox center for the first time. My problem is, I found out her drug supplier is my sister, "Lois." Lois gets her drugs from a pain clinic and sells them to various people. Apparently she was selling them to Valerie, too.

We all live with my mother. I have told my mother I want Lois out, or I will be leaving. Mom says Lois is her daughter, too, and she won't desert her. Am I wrong? -- DESPERATE IN DELAWARE

DEAR DESPERATE: You are not wrong. Your mother's loyalties are seriously misplaced. As a parent, it is your job to protect your child from harm.

Instead of tolerating your sister's activities and allowing her to continue her drug dealing, your mother should have put a stop to it long ago. Does she not realize that when the police find out -- and they eventually will -- she could suffer serious consequences?

You should definitely move -- not only for your own safety, but also because when your daughter is discharged from rehab, she will have to forgo being in the presence of drugs and dealing. And when you leave, warn your mother that she could be considered an accessory to crime.

life

Dear Abby for September 29, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 29th, 2007 | Letter 3 of 4

DEAR ABBY: I am 25 years old and still a virgin. I work as a stripper. Outside of work I am just a normal girl, studying for my bachelor's degree in nursing.

I am friendly, attractive and outgoing, but no man has ever tried to approach or even talk to me when I'm not dancing naked. Is there something wrong with me? -- "TASSLES" IN FORT LAUDERDALE

DEAR "TASSLES": I am sure there is nothing "wrong" with you. The men who approach you when you're dancing are not interested in the kind of relationship you are looking for. Be patient, use this time to study, and be thankful you aren't being distracted right now. With a degree in nursing you will have a bright future ahead. I'm sure you'll meet a terrific life partner when the time is right.

life

Dear Abby for September 29, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 29th, 2007 | Letter 4 of 4

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

life

Woman With Parking Permit Suffers From Others' Stares

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 28th, 2007 | Letter 1 of 3

DEAR ABBY: Two years ago, I was diagnosed with a severe allergy to cold. I cannot touch, eat, breathe or be exposed to cold temperatures without serious risk to my life in the form of anaphylactic shock. Over the course of the last two years, I have learned how to manage this allergy and avoid most triggers, with the exception of the elements during winter months. I applied for and was issued a handicapped permit by the state that allows me to park as close as possible to buildings so I am exposed for the shortest time possible.

With the exception of this severe allergy, I am a young, healthy, 25-year-old female. I have no physical disability. When I park in a handicapped space and get out of my car, I get accusing looks, glares, comments muttered under people's breaths, and one man even shook his head at me -- like, "How dare you?"

I never know how to respond. It makes me feel embarrassed, angry and guilty. I avoid parking in handicapped spaces unless it is absolutely unavoidable due to extreme wind, cold, snow, ice, etc.

Can you advise me how to handle these situations? And please remind people that just because a person doesn't have an obvious physical deformity it doesn't mean he or she isn't eligible for handicapped parking. -- SCAPEGOATED IN SYRACUSE, N.Y.

DEAR SCAPEGOATED: Many people suffer from hidden disabilities that are not obvious to the casual observer. My advice is to ignore the people who give you dirty looks and go on with your business.

If, however, you are challenged about parking in a handicapped zone, inform the person that you have a permit to do so which is on file with the Department of Motor Vehicles -- and if that person wants to check, he or she should write down your license number and question the authorities. You are under no obligation to discuss your disability with a stranger, and I'd advise against it.

life

Dear Abby for September 28, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 28th, 2007 | Letter 2 of 3

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem with my parents. Even though I don't have a boyfriend, they think I'm on with some boy. They are not ready to trust me. They feel I might run away with that boy someday.

It might be a surprise to you that I do not wear any sort of Western clothes because they don't like it. They are not even ready to give me the freedom to choose my career. What should I do so that they will trust me? Please help me. -- SAD GIRL IN KUWAIT

DEAR SAD GIRL: If you are wise, you will earn your parents' trust the easy way -- by volunteering information. Could the reason they don't trust you be that you don't tell them anything, so they assume you have something to hide? Or could it be that what you told them wasn't exactly true?

In building trust, actions speak louder than words. It isn't what you say but what you do that matters. Whom do YOU trust? Those who have shown you by their actions that they can be trusted. So, show your parents that they can trust you, and I am sure they will eventually do so.

life

Dear Abby for September 28, 2007

Dear Abby by by Abigail Van Buren
by Abigail Van Buren
Dear Abby | September 28th, 2007 | Letter 3 of 3

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

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