DEAR ABBY: I'm 34 years old and have two wonderful kids ages 12 and 8. I am a single mother, employed part time. I live with my parents and need some advice.

I recently met someone. He is a 35-year-old firefighter who coaches football and has a child of his own. The night we met it was nice. We engaged in physical activity. He said he was interested in me, and I told him likewise.

He called me the next two days -- and that was it! I have called him several times since the last time he called me, and everything seemed fine with him. However, we have not really had a long conversation. He said he wanted to get to know me better, so I don't understand why he doesn't call me anymore.

I e-mailed him that if he wanted me to stop calling, then I would appreciate it if he would just let me know. But he hasn't told me anything. I don't know if he's just really busy with work or what, but I really like this man and enjoyed his company, and wonder if he enjoyed mine too. Please help me understand what the problem is. -- LOST IN GUAM

DEAR LOST: The problem is you engaged in "physical activity" with him too soon. Now the mystery is gone, the excitement of the chase is gone, and he is gone. While it might be nice of him to say goodbye, silence sends a message that speaks volumes. It's saying he is no longer interested.

DEAR ABBY: Over the years I have enjoyed seeing the letters in your column about the kind, helpful things people do -- the good deeds that brighten someone's day. I would like to offer one from my own family.

When my son was 5, he was a very active little boy. I was forever "losing" him in stores. I would usually find him hiding in clothing racks, etc.

One day I couldn't find him. After a frantic search, I finally found him in the women's restroom helping an elderly woman in a wheelchair with the doors. I began to scold him when she said, "Please don't do that. He was the only one who offered to help me." It was then that I realized what a caring little boy he was -- and still is today as a grown man. -- NANCY IN SANTA CLARA, CALIF.

DEAR NANCY: Your little boy was, indeed, kind and empathetic. However, the incident you have described happened many years ago. Today, I am sad to say, parents must impress on their young children the possible danger of wandering away with an adult they don't know.

DEAR ABBY: I have a problem I have never seen in your column. My jealous husband created a fictional online character and contacted me through a Christian support e-group. I began corresponding with this person via e-mail. This was a character designed to match all my preferences.

When he offered to meet in person, I refused, but he continued to increase the intimacy of the messages until I eventually expressed dissatisfaction in my marriage. That is when my husband revealed that HE was my fantasy friend.

Now neither of us is sure we can trust each other -- after 18 years of marriage. Should I forgive and forget? -- BETRAYED IN CLEVELAND

DEAR BETRAYED: Yes, and so should he. From where I sit, this could be a golden opportunity to improve your marriage through marriage counseling. Maybe if your husband tries harder to be the man he knows you want him to be, he will have less to worry about in the future. (And you will have less to be dissatisfied about.)

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I find myself in a situation I am not sure how to handle. My mother has adopted my 10-year-old nephew. The boy has severe mental and emotional problems because of the home environment he was in with my sister.

Mom and I often talk about what we want to happen if something should happen to us. We know we need to get wills and living wills made. My problem is, if something should happen to Mom and my stepdad, I will be the logical choice to get my nephew.

I have two young children to consider if I take him in. The boy has already shown predatory tendencies. He has spent six months in a mental hospital because of his problems. I do not want to bring him into my home if I cannot trust him with my children. At this point, I don't like leaving him alone in the house with them even if I am outside.

Abby, I don't want my nephew to leave the family, but I cannot risk my children's safety and bring him into my home. Should I tell Mom that I'll take him in if something happens to her, or tell her I can't risk having him in my home? -- NEEDS HELP IN ARKANSAS

DEAR NEEDS HELP: Because you feel your nephew would be a danger to your children, the answer to your question is no. You should tell you mother as soon as possible that in the event that anything happens to her and your stepfather, she should have other arrangements in place regarding the child.

DEAR ABBY: Can you help me understand a weird quirk I have noticed with a friend of mine? I'll call him "Jerome."

Jerome is a middle-aged professional man with a college degree. However, he has this habit of seeking out free food. Jerome shows up at store grand openings, automobile dealer promotions, new home communities -- you name it. If there's free food being served, he will find it and be the first in line. It makes no difference that he doesn't shop at the place, need a new car, or has no plans to buy in the subdivision.

Can you explain why someone like Jerome would go to such lengths for a free plate of food? -- MYSTIFIED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MYSTIFIED: It may be that your friend can't resist trying to get something for nothing. Or it may not be food he's after at all. He may like to mingle in a crowd because he's lonely.

DEAR ABBY: I started high school this year. It's the second day of school, and I'm already feeling overwhelmed. There is just too much work, and I can't keep up with it all. What should I do? -- PANICKED IN MICHIGAN

DEAR PANICKED: Your feelings are normal for anyone in a new environment, so calm yourself. Recognize that high school is different from grammar school and/or middle school because more responsibility for learning is placed on the shoulders of the student. That's a good thing, because it will teach you how to prioritize and budget your study time wisely.

Try to pinpoint exactly what it is that's making you feel overwhelmed. If it's the volume of work, then you will have to sacrifice something else in your schedule in order to keep up with it. If it's the nature of the work, you should talk to your teachers now about possibly getting extra help so you won't fall behind.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My friend and I read your column often and usually agree with your advice, but we could not disagree more with your response to "Definitely Not Your Ma'am in South Carolina" (July 14). She's the woman who feels that being addressed as "ma'am" is derogatory because she thinks it's a derivative of "mammy," and another way of keeping women in their place.

You told her she was mistaken -- that "ma'am" is a contraction of the word "madam," and an often regional form of respectful address to an adult (usually married) woman. Well, Abby, we do not consider "ma'am" a term of respect!

Of course, in theory, the term is respectful. But notice how men have been given one "age-free" form of address ("sir") that follows them from age 9 to 90, while women are addressed according to their age. Most of the women we know, regardless of geographic location, loathe that moment they are forced into "ma'am land." -- DON'T MA'AM US EITHER

DEAR DON'T MA'AM US EITHER: Some of my readers agreed with you. However, responses were based on geographic location and service in the military. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You should have pointed out that "ma'am" is the equivalent of "sir," and in the military it is not just a courtesy, it is mandatory when a member is addressing a female of higher rank. I'm proud to be a ma'am! -- SHARON BIVINS, M.D., SOUTHERN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: It's ironic that "Definitely Not Your Ma'am" considers it rude to be called ma'am, since the term derives from "madam," which in turn derives from the French "ma dame" -- which translates in English to "my lady." Therefore, and I'd say this is true north of the Mason-Dixon line as well as south of it -- to be called "ma'am" is as close as anyone in the U.S. can get to being referred to as royalty. -- R. WEINAPPLE, MENLO PARK, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: Thank God for people like Dear Abby, who is educated enough to recognize idiots when they're present.

My mother would turn over in her grave if I addressed a lady by her first name. I answered "ma'am" to the first woman in my life -- my mother. I don't think that respect can be any more sincere than love for one's mother. If "Definitely" doesn't like the tradition in the South, then she should move. It seems that the younger generation is no longer respectful to anyone -- including themselves. -- TRUE SOUTHERN GENTLEMAN

DEAR ABBY: If "Definitely" is miffed about being addressed as "ma'am," then maybe we should start referring to each other as "hey you."

A word of advice to "Definitely," who thought she knew what "ma'am" meant. A dictionary is a fine tool to consult before putting your opinions in writing for the world to see. On the other hand, failing to do so certainly makes for amusing reading. -- ANNIE PHILLIPS, HUNTSVILLE, ALA.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)