DEAR ABBY: My 23-year-old daughter, "Kimberly," is driving me nuts. She's a college grad, a teacher and cheerleading coach, and she still lives at home. She says she can't afford to move out due to lack of money, yet she shops constantly -- and I don't mean shopping at discount stores. Kimberly has to have the finest car, clothing, etc. Her credit cards are maxed out. She also has a black lab mix that is destroying my back yard. She spends no time with him.

Abby, I'm on the verge of a nervous breakdown. Kimberly won't communicate with me, so what do I do? I remarried a year ago to a fantastic man, but he doesn't want to come between me and my daughter. Any advice would be most welcome. I'm so tired of being my daughter's maid and doormat. -- TRAPPED IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR TRAPPED: You created this monster, and you are going to have to be the one to deal with her. Kimberly is behaving like an overgrown teenager. Unless you want to continue being maid and doormat, you must establish rules for her as long as she's under your roof.

Some suggestions: Your daughter must start a savings account and deposit a certain percentage of her earnings in it to pay for first and last month's rent on a place of her own. She must, on a monthly basis, begin paying off her credit cards. If necessary, Kimberly will also get credit counseling to help her do that. She'll take care of her dog -- training it, exercising it and cleaning up after it -- or you will find the dog a more responsible owner.

You are not Kimberly's friend. You are her mother, so start acting like one. Unless you do, you will continue to be a servant in your own home. Your husband can support you, but he cannot do this for you, and neither can I. By allowing the status quo to continue, you are crippling your child.

DEAR ABBY: About a year ago, my husband had lunch with an old college friend who lives in Maryland. They have been sending e-mails back and forth ever since. She has invited him to stay with her when he goes east on business; she has suggested that they take time together to see sights in the East, etc.

She has also sent him several gifts (gift certificates for dinner, massages, coffee beans, cards), all of which were either e-mailed or sent to his office. I know this because he used the gift certificates to take me and his two kids to dinner.

He insists that there is nothing between him and this woman, but he will not discontinue the friendship. He says he should be allowed to have women friends and insists that I'm out of line by trying to stop this relationship.

Do you think this relationship is really OK? I'm seriously thinking about leaving him. -- ALBUQUERQUE WIFE

DEAR WIFE: Your husband's old school chum is either unusually generous or she's courting him. And he appears to be enjoying the ego massage. It would be interesting to know how they met up again. Did she initiate contact, or did he contact her to arrange that luncheon?

Rather than leaving your husband, arrange to accompany him on his next business trip to the East Coast. Not only could you "see the sights" as a threesome, you can also size up the woman and assess her intentions. Then, if you're still threatened, arrange for you and your spouse to see a marriage counselor. There may be more issues in your relationship than you have told me.

Men and women can have friends of the opposite sex outside of marriage, but there appears to be more going on in this instance than a casual friendship.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

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DEAR ABBY: I was married a year ago. During our honeymoon, my husband started telling me I could not wear my wedding band and engagement ring together -- they were "too flashy," and he didn't want people to think he had money. (My wedding band and engagement ring together are about 2 1/2 carats.) Being a brand-new bride, and excited about being able to wear both my rings, I refused his request.

Over the past year he has brought it up again often, saying I should wear only my wedding band. I love my rings and want to wear both. He selected my engagement ring himself, and we picked out my wedding band together, so I don't understand why he didn't buy me a smaller engagement ring or suggest that I get a simpler wedding band. I wouldn't have cared if my rings were smaller, but now that I have them, I love wearing them, and I don't want to stop.

I always take my rings off when I'm in the shower. Three weeks ago, while I was taking my shower, my husband took my engagement ring. Now he refuses to give it back to me. I have searched everywhere, but I have no idea where he put it. Every time I look at my hand and see my lonely wedding band, I wish I had my engagement ring. I miss wearing it, and I'm beginning to resent my husband over this.

Please tell me, Abby, am I being petty and materialistic, or does my husband have no right to keep the ring from me? -- RINGLESS IN INDIANA

DEAR RINGLESS: Your husband had no right to take the ring. It was given to you with the promise of marriage, and you have kept your part of the bargain. Is he controlling? Does he owe people money? Could that be why he wants you to appear less affluent than you are? If he didn't want you to enjoy it, why would he buy it for you in the first place?

Your letter set off alarm bells. If you're smart, you'll start looking closely at all financial records. Something is up, and your husband is not being open about it. His behavior was reprehensible. If I were you, I'd be suspicious -- very suspicious.

DEAR ABBY: Please help me handle a problem with my brother-in-law, "George." George has a dog that is aggressive toward people. "Brutus" has bitten my nephews, nieces and several complete strangers.

George brings Brutus everywhere. He even brought Brutus to our wedding, which was a formal event. I do not like Brutus, and I'm afraid of what he might do to our 1-year-old child, the neighbors or to me.

My husband and in-laws won't talk to George about this. Am I wrong to expect my husband to step up and speak to his brother about Brutus? I want to say something, but my husband always makes me feel like I'm being "mean" and that saying anything would hurt George's feelings. Please help. -- DOG-TIRED IN MISSOULA, MONT.

DEAR DOG-TIRED: Ask yourself, and your wimp of a husband, which would be easier to heal: your brother-in-law's "feelings" or your child's sweet little face. A dog that has proven itself to be aggressive has no place around children. As a mother, it is your duty to protect your child from possible harm. If you don't speak up, it appears nobody else will. And if Brutus is as you describe him, he's an accident waiting to happen.

P.S. That dog should not have attended your formal wedding. Not only was he a danger to the other guests, he couldn't conform to the dress code.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a single mother of three girls, ages 12, 5 and 3. Yes, they all have the same father -- which is part of my dilemma.

When my oldest daughter was 2, her father and I broke up and were apart for seven years. He has always been a good father, so we never lost contact with each other. Well, a couple of years later he became engaged, and in 2002 he got married. The problem is I was seven months' pregnant with our second child when he married. Two years after he was married, I gave birth to our third child.

Despite my family's urging, I firmly believe that I should not be the one to tell his wife about his two "other" children. The girls are getting older and want to spend more time with their father -- not to mention that sometimes I just need a break!

After five years, he still cannot bring himself to tell his wife. The younger two kids have never been to his house, and when he does come around to see them or take them somewhere, it's only for a few hours at a time -- maybe a couple of days out of the month.

I definitely do not want to break up their marriage -- if it comes to that -- but I need help with these kids. She should definitely know, right? -- NOT THE INNOCENT VICTIM IN OHIO

DEAR NOT THE VICTIM: This man sees his children "a few hours at a time -- maybe a couple of days out of the month," and you call him a good father? He doesn't sound like Father of the Year to me. He sounds irresponsible. You did not mention whether he's supporting your three children, but if he's not, he should be.

Of course his wife should know what her husband has been up to. However, whether you're the one to tell her is debatable. Give him a deadline to own up, and tell him if he doesn't tell his wife, you will. But if you do, be prepared for her to be irate. She may forbid her husband from seeing you -- and who could blame her? After all, you have been having unprotected sex with her spouse.

Because you need respite from caring for your daughters, explore whether this man's parents or siblings would be open to baby-sitting. But don't count on his stepping up to the plate any more than he has -- unless you have a court order in your hand.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I know a couple that we see nearly every weekend. While "Dixie" is easygoing and fun, her husband, "Fred," is extremely competitive. He has already ruined board games and Pictionary for me, and recreational sports like bowling and pool are no longer fun, either.

Fred is always either gloating because he won or sulking because he didn't. Fred is otherwise a funny, intelligent man. Aside from turning down invitations to spend time with them, how can we avoid the frustrations that come from hanging out with Fred? -- TEAM PLAYER, RENO, NEV.

DEAR TEAM PLAYER: Fred may be funny and intelligent, but he is also immature and a poor sport. Avoid the frustration by scheduling other kinds of activities when you see this couple. Invite them for dinner and a movie, or another event that doesn't involve competition such as a play, a concert or a social event involving other friends. If that's not feasible, then you'll have to limit your time with them.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)