DEAR ABBY: I was married a year ago. During our honeymoon, my husband started telling me I could not wear my wedding band and engagement ring together -- they were "too flashy," and he didn't want people to think he had money. (My wedding band and engagement ring together are about 2 1/2 carats.) Being a brand-new bride, and excited about being able to wear both my rings, I refused his request.
Over the past year he has brought it up again often, saying I should wear only my wedding band. I love my rings and want to wear both. He selected my engagement ring himself, and we picked out my wedding band together, so I don't understand why he didn't buy me a smaller engagement ring or suggest that I get a simpler wedding band. I wouldn't have cared if my rings were smaller, but now that I have them, I love wearing them, and I don't want to stop.
I always take my rings off when I'm in the shower. Three weeks ago, while I was taking my shower, my husband took my engagement ring. Now he refuses to give it back to me. I have searched everywhere, but I have no idea where he put it. Every time I look at my hand and see my lonely wedding band, I wish I had my engagement ring. I miss wearing it, and I'm beginning to resent my husband over this.
Please tell me, Abby, am I being petty and materialistic, or does my husband have no right to keep the ring from me? -- RINGLESS IN INDIANA
DEAR RINGLESS: Your husband had no right to take the ring. It was given to you with the promise of marriage, and you have kept your part of the bargain. Is he controlling? Does he owe people money? Could that be why he wants you to appear less affluent than you are? If he didn't want you to enjoy it, why would he buy it for you in the first place?
Your letter set off alarm bells. If you're smart, you'll start looking closely at all financial records. Something is up, and your husband is not being open about it. His behavior was reprehensible. If I were you, I'd be suspicious -- very suspicious.