DEAR ABBY: I was wondering if you would see that "Hugs Anonymous in Illinois" (June 27) gets this letter. She's the 11-year-old girl who gave a hug to "Stacey," a special-ed child. I want to thank her for being the kindhearted child she is. People like her are in short supply these days.

I have a son, "Jed," who is also in special-ed. He was lonely and stressed out because most of the kids hassled him. It reached the point that he would pull his hair out, which only gave the kids more ammunition to pick on him.

This past year, though, he met Matthew, who has been a true friend. Since then, Jed has had less stress and a happier disposition. It's amazing what just one friend can change. I want to encourage "Hugs" to consider having a special friendship with Stacey. It could change her life.

I would like to add a final note to parents everywhere: Please teach your children that we are all the same inside, and that everyone deserves to be treated with kindness and respect. -- JED'S MOM IN ROSCOE, ILL.

DEAR MOM: Other readers were inspired by "Hugs'" letter, which reminded us how a small act of kindness can go a long way. My prayer is that more people will "embrace" the attitude of this mature and sensitive 11-year-old girl. Creating a more compassionate world happens one person at a time.

And while we're on the subject of compassion, read on:

DEAR ABBY: I recently witnessed something that renewed my faith in the younger generation.

I was on my way to a craft festival recently and was passing under a freeway overpass. There were the usual homeless people asleep under the bridge, including one man who was sprawled on the concrete. Two young people walking by wore spiked hair, piercings, tattoos -- the whole "Goth" look.

One of them bent down next to the homeless man, then stood up and kept walking. I was concerned about what they might have done, so I walked over to the man. I found the young man had left a bottle of water for the homeless man.

I ran to catch up with the couple and told them I had seen what they did and wanted to shake their hands. The young man just shrugged and said he thought the man might be thirsty.

With young people like that walking our streets, I no longer worry about the future of our country. -- JOEL IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR JOEL: Your letter, like the previous one, is a breath of fresh air. By not prejudging a person by his or her appearance we can put an end to stereotyping. Thank you for sharing your experience with me and my readers.

DEAR ABBY: I separated from my husband about a year ago, but only recently filed for divorce. We were married 12 years and have two beautiful children.

During our separation, I met an amazing man. He's everything I ever wanted in a relationship. This man has proposed to me after only eight months of dating. I truly love him, but I think I need some time to breathe. He loves my family, and he wants us to be married as soon as my divorce is final. What advice do you have for me? -- MIXED-UP IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR MIXED-UP: Please do not jump from the frying pan into the fire, regardless of how warm, fuzzy and inviting it may appear. You may call yourself "mixed-up," but you appear to have a good head on your shoulders. Listen to your intuition. It's telling you to do nothing on the rebound, and that if this relationship is as good as you think it is, it will last. You have more than yourself to consider; your decision will affect your children.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My daughter says her children, ages 11 and 8, are afraid of me because I correct their lack of manners. Is asking them to say "please" and "thank you," or to use a knife to cut things on their plate into small pieces rather than have food hanging out of their mouths, really expecting too much?

If their parents don't care, who will teach them? While I no longer expect people to keep their arms off the table, what are the minimal standards I should expect at a dinner table these days? Or am I expected to watch slobs sprawled over the table, picking at their food with their hands and chewing with their mouths open? -- RICHARD IN SARASOTA, FLA.

DEAR RICHARD: Sometimes it isn't what we say, as much as how we say it. I see nothing wrong with reminding children to use their manners and explaining what they are. But if you are doing it in such a way that your grandchildren are afraid of you, it may be time to work on your delivery.

DEAR ABBY: I am a new minister at a fairly large church. For this reason, I'm having a difficult time getting to know the families and remembering the hundreds of names. I would like to take the time to "come calling," as my grandmother used to say.

Is there a polite way to invite yourself over to someone's home? -- POLITE VISITOR IN MISSOURI

DEAR POLITE VISITOR: No. The people who have written me about this subject have been parishioners who felt it was an intrusion.

A more palatable way to get to know your church members would be to institute a social hour after the service so you can mingle and chat with them.

DEAR ABBY: I am 52 years old and have absolutely adored the Beatles ever since they came over in 1964. At the time, I was growing up in a home filled with domestic violence and alcoholism. When I heard their music, I felt I had a voice for the feelings I had to keep inside -- a safe voice through music. At the same time, I could sense that each of the men in the group was as sincere as their lyrics. To this day, I still listen to Beatles music and care about the surviving members.

I know I'm not alone, as thousands love them all over the world. Even today's teenagers are catching on. I've been to Liverpool twice and have felt the essence of their songs through seeing places where their lives began.

Am I obsessed with the Beatles, or did they arrive at a time in my life when I needed to believe in something? -- VIRGINIA IN WARNER ROBINS, GA.

DEAR VIRGINIA: I'd call you less obsessed than devoted, and with good cause. The Beatles arrived at a time in many people's lives when they needed to believe in something. Their music spoke for a generation and brought sunshine to people of every age when their days were cloudy and their hearts were heavy. It continues to do so today. Things are "getting better all the time"!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 14-year-old girl with a big problem. My family consists of my mother, father, older brother, "Jared" (age 19), and younger brother, "Jonas" (age 11). So what's the problem? I have just learned there was another brother!

About a month ago, when my family was sitting down at dinner, we were talking about birth statistics. Out of nowhere, Jonas said, "A lot of infants die." My parents exchanged sad looks across the table, and my mom cried in her bedroom afterward.

I was so confused by this that Jared talked to me privately and told me. Apparently, Jonas was one of a set of twin boys. Jonas' twin was born prematurely and died. I believe Jared because he was 8 at the time and witnessed the whole thing. I doubt he would joke about something like this.

I think it's my right to know more about my third brother. I feel guilty that I don't even know his name. I have been keeping this knowledge a secret for more than a month now, and it's making me crazy. Should I ask my parents about him even though it will make them cry? -- BROTHER-DEPRIVED IN ROCHESTER, N.Y.

DEAR BROTHER-DEPRIVED: Of course it is your right to know about your third brother. However, let me caution you to proceed very gently. Obviously your mother's heart was broken, and this is something from which she may never completely recover. There also might not be much to tell -- other than how devastating the loss was to her and your father.

DEAR ABBY: I'm a 32-year-old female who has been having an affair during the last year with my 59-year-old married boss. I am madly in love with him and divorced my husband eight months ago to marry him.

He promised to divorce his wife, but so far there is no sign of divorce. I'm beginning to think I'm a big fool. What do you think? -- HOT TO TROT IN BIRMINGHAM, ALA.

DEAR HOT TO TROT: I agree.

DEAR ABBY: I work in a library and have noticed an alarming trend. People are using their mail as bookmarks, often forgetting that it is there and returning the books. I can't tell you how many times I have found people's personal information in books that I reshelve.

Abby, please alert your readers that this practice of using mail to mark your library book is unsafe in this age of identity theft. If I don't find it first, anyone who takes the book after you and finds something you might have left there will have immediate access to your name and address. And if the mail is something sensitive, like a bill or bank statement, the dangers are even greater.

Please remind your readers that it's easy to forget, and mail is not an appropriate bookmark. -- JON IN FRAMINGHAM, MASS.

DEAR JON: Thank you for writing. I am printing your letter as a public service announcement. Readers, if you are guilty of this practice, be warned.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)