DEAR ABBY: I still feel immensely hurt because of a failed relationship from almost 30 years ago. My high school sweetheart of almost four years broke off our engagement when we were in our early 20s. Our lives were going in different directions -- I was going to college and she was partying.

Over the years I never really got over the hurt, even though I have been married for 20 years and have a loving family. I finished college and have a great career.

Recently the wound was reopened when she reconnected through our high school Web site. She told me about her life, which has had its ups and downs. She now lives five states away. She's happily married but "just wanted to see what I'm doing and how my life ended up." I never returned the e-mail as it hurts too much.

How do I get over this, or doesn't the pain ever truly go away? -- ACHING IN NEW YORK

DEAR ACHING: First, thank your higher power that you have a successful career, a happy marriage and a loving family. Your pain will dissipate when you stop nursing your old hurts and count your blessings.

Quit dwelling on a disappointment from 30 years ago and begin living in the moment. Brooding is wasted effort. It only diminishes the present, and you have already wasted enough time looking over your shoulder.

If my commonsense cure doesn't do the trick, ask your doctor for a referral to a licensed psychotherapist for counseling because it appears you're mesmerized by the ghost of Christmas past.

DEAR ABBY: In April, my husband and I lost our daughter, Sophia, to complications from several birth defects. We received support from everyone we know, including some nice gifts, money for expenses, as well as cards and meals.

We have so many people to thank. We truly appreciate everything we have received, and when I see people in person I thank them. But I can't seem to bring myself to write thank-you cards.

Would someone expect a thank-you card for a gift to a parent who has just lost a child? I'm dreading the idea of going through the process of writing them. It brings back so many difficult memories. Does that make me ungrateful? I don't want to seem ungrateful, but the stress of having to write the thank-you cards is making me sick. -- GRIEVING MOTHER IN MISSOURI

DEAR GRIEVING MOTHER: Please accept my deepest sympathy for the loss of your baby girl. Please know that under the circumstances, all of your feelings are normal. However, the caring and generosity of those who reached out to you should be acknowledged.

Because you can't bring yourself to do this task yourself, enlist the help of close friends and family to help. The message doesn't have to be long and fancy. Keep it simple: "Thank you for reaching out to our family during this difficult time. Your kindness and generosity are much appreciated," should suffice. You should sign the cards. This will get the job done and free you from any sense of guilt or obligation you have for not having tackled the task sooner.

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend and I were together for two years when suddenly his father passed away. Prior to his father's death, we had a good relationship.

It has been a month since the funeral, and now we are no longer together. He has pushed me away, saying he "needs space." He says he wants us to be together "eventually," but it's best that we end things now. He says it has nothing to do with me, he loves me and I was a good girlfriend -- it's just something he's going through.

I am distraught! He was my first love, and I can't believe he would just end our relationship so abruptly. He has discarded me like a piece of trash! If you truly love somebody, how can you just leave them without cause?

I'm trying to pick up the pieces of my broken heart, but I'm unclear on how to proceed. Some of my friends say I should fight for what I love. But my mom and my aunt say I should just leave him alone as he requested. Please help me, Abby. I don't know what to do. -- DAZED AND CONFUSED IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR DAZED AND CONFUSED: Please accept my sympathy for what has been a painful experience -- particularly since you didn't see it coming. Not knowing your ex-boyfriend, I can't be sure whether he was completely on the level with you -- but this I do know: When a man -- or a woman -- tells someone he or she "needs space," that is what the person should be given. "Fighting for what you love" will only drive your ex-boyfriend further away.

You should not only leave him alone as requested, but also leave yourself open to meeting new people. Your mother and your aunt are wise and experienced women. They won't steer you wrong, so please let them help you through this.

DEAR ABBY: My parents, who are in their early 80s, live a four-hour drive from me. I received a typewritten invitation to come up and spend Father's Day with them, as well as celebrate my mother's birthday. My sisters and brother also received an invitation.

The problem is my mother stipulated that before coming to their house to share a meal, we must all join in going to church together. Abby, I am 50 years old and have different beliefs from my parents, but they are always pushing the church. I respect the fact that they're religious, but my mother knows I don't believe in organized religion. My sisters feel the same as I do -- that we're too old to be told what to do. I politely declined.

Of course, Mother is mad, but so am I. What bothers me is that I may never be able to spend Father's Day with Dad again if Mother continues to give me ultimatums, and at their age, there may not be too many Father's Days left. Abby, it isn't a matter of going to church once to satisfy my mother. She'll push the issue again and again. -- TICKED OFF IN SAN DIEGO

DEAR TICKED OFF: It appears your mother's religiosity has been so heavy-handed that it has turned every one of her daughters off. How unfortunate for all concerned.

I don't know if this is a battle of wills, or whether your mother actually expects some miraculous religious conversion will result from your being forced to sit through a service.

Allow me to offer an alternative. From now on for Father's Day and Mom's birthday, why don't you and your siblings take your parents out to celebrate the occasion rather than "coming to the house to share a meal"? Tell them you'll pick them up after church, and that way you can sleep an extra hour before making that four-hour drive.

However, if Mom doesn't budge, you may have to bite the bullet and sit through a service. Consider this: After they're gone, you'll have fewer regrets.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Say there's this guy who's about 30, who has a stepmother who is younger than he is. (She's 27.) They have a warm, happy, close, loving friendship -- nothing abnormal or unusual.

Then the father dies, having had no children with her. Is it wrong for the guy to develop a romantic interest in her? And what about her? Would it be wrong for her to take up with her former stepson?

I have never experienced a deeper, more romantic kind of love than I have with my former stepmom. Dad had himself a prize catch. She's built, pretty, understanding and a great cook -- and the way we've been going, we might be married sometime soon.

I just can't decide if it's right or wrong. What do you think? -- SMITTEN IN NORTH TEXAS

DEAR SMITTEN: What you have in mind is unusual but not unheard of. You are not her biological son, so there is no reason why you could not marry if you wish. In fact, it could work out very well since your feelings for each other evolved from an already-established friendship. I say, go for it -- but be prepared for some teasing.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I received a wedding invitation from my nephew's son, whom we have never gotten to know very well. Included in the invitation was a deposit slip to a bank savings account "in lieu of gifts"!

We later learned that everyone on the guest list received a deposit slip, even the grandmother. Is this proper? This is the first time we have ever heard of this, and frankly, we were rather insulted. -- PUZZLED IN COLORADO

DEAR PUZZLED: Please waste no more time feeling offended. The family who issued the wedding invitation is obviously grossly ignorant about the basic rules of etiquette. According to "Emily Post's Etiquette" (17th Edition), when issuing wedding invitations, "any mention of gifts or listing of gift registries is unacceptable."

I am sure you dealt with the solicitation you received as you would any other. Just be glad they didn't have your bank account number, or you would have found enclosed with your invitation a notice stating that your account had already been debited $125 to cover the cost of your dinner.

DEAR ABBY: I recently found a bottle of antidepressants in my parents' medicine cabinet, prescribed for my mother. I want to ask her why she has them, but I am afraid she might get angry. Is it rude to ask? If my mom does have depression, I would want to do everything I could to keep her happy. Should I ask her, or just forget about the pills? -- CONCERNED ABOUT MOM IN ILLINOIS

DEAR CONCERNED: If you ask your mother about the antidepressants, you had better be prepared to tell her why you were in her medicine cabinet. Indeed, she might feel invaded. Personally, I think you should refrain from asking. Obviously, your mother does have depression or the meds would not have been prescribed for her. However, I do like your idea of doing all you can to keep her happy.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)