DEAR ABBY: I have been widowed just one month shy of a year. Over the last three months, I have been seeing a lovely woman who was widowed for the second time. (It has been seven months since she lost her second husband.)

I have two granddaughters -- both 13 years of age -- and my daughters tell me they're asking why I'm seeing another woman and "it hasn't even been a year since Grandma died." Abby, is the year written in stone? Is there anything I can say to my granddaughters? They don't seem to understand that Muffin (my dog) isn't enough of a companion for me. -- TROUBLED IN NORTH HATFIELD, MASS.

DEAR TROUBLED: Nothing is written in stone except a person's epitaph. While it is advisable that recently widowed people wait a year before jumping into a serious relationship -- in other words, "rebound" -- it is not unusual for a widow or widower to begin having some sort of social life before the year has elapsed.

Ask your granddaughters if they would like to see you happy, or if they prefer to see you lonely. And if your wife died of an illness, remind them that people don't start grieving only when their mate dies. There is often a grieving period that begins when a loved one is diagnosed with a terminal illness.

At 13, people see things in black and white. Unfortunately, life is often painted in shades of gray.

DEAR ABBY: Can you please answer a simple question I have that my father won't answer? I am a responsible 17-year-old young lady, but my dad believes that I am too young to start dating. With this in mind, he refuses to answer my question, which is, how much older than me can a young man be who I decide to bring home? My dad refuses to give me an age limit. He also doesn't believe that teenagers should be dating. He constantly asks if I have someone in mind, which I don't. I am just curious. Any suggestions? -- DATING DILEMMA IN NEW YORK

DEAR D.D.: I disagree with your father's views about teenage dating. While I am sure he wants to protect you from being emotionally hurt or taken advantage of, he is going about it in the wrong way.

The teen years are a time for learning and gaining experience. At 18, you will be considered an adult and capable of making your own decisions. I see nothing "safe" about a person with no experience beginning to date at 18 -- or older. In fact, I see it as the opposite.

As to what age the men you see should be, it's more important that they be at your level of life experience than any chronological number.

DEAR ABBY: I am a student at a big school, and around here you're always hearing how teenagers have this "special bond" with their parents. I don't want to go up to them and ask them how they do it, because that would be embarrassing. So I'm asking you: How can I form that special bond with my parents -- especially with my mom? -- DISTANCED IN FREDRICA, DEL.

DEAR DISTANCED: The special bond you long for isn't something that you "get" as a teenager. It is trust and communication that is nurtured from early childhood. Because you can't bring yourself to discuss it with your parents -- especially your mother -- you should talk about it with another adult relative you can trust or a counselor at school.

Your letter is a sad one because you are not alone in feeling the way you do. Many teens have written to me and described feeling isolated because their parents don't have the time or the will to engage them as they should.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Tim" for almost seven years. I have a male co-worker, "Chad," who is a good friend. Tim thinks that a man is friends with a woman only if he wants something from her. He says that Chad must be gay, sexually interested in me, or using me as a means to some end.

Quite frankly, I am hurt that Tim doesn't think I am interesting enough to be friends with and feels that I can be seen only in "that way." Chad has never once hit on me or given me the slightest reason to doubt his platonic feelings. He is also not gay.

How can I convince my husband that my friend is not trying to seduce me or use me? I have tried inviting Tim to hang out with us so he can get to know Chad better; he always declines. I'm at my wits' end because I dislike upsetting my husband, but I refuse to give up a good friend. -- PULLING MY HAIR OUT IN CAMBRIA, WIS.

DEAR PULLING: There is no way to convince your husband that your co-worker isn't trying to seduce or use you because that is the way your husband's mind works. In other words, when Tim says that men are friends with women only for what they can get, he is describing HIMSELF. And the reason he refuses to take the time to get to know Chad better is that by refusing, he is putting limits on the relationship and controlling you. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow whose 43-year-old daughter is dating a 56-year-old man. They have both been married before and have children from prior marriages.

They have been discussing marriage. Is it unreasonable of me to expect my future son-in-law to ask me for my daughter's hand in marriage as a sign of respect and in the name of tradition? -- TRADITIONAL MOM-IN-LAW-TO-BE

DEAR TRADITIONAL: Yes, it is. Your daughter has long since reached the age at which she is entitled to decide for herself whether to give or withhold her hand -- or anything else. And the sooner you dismount from your high horse, the happier your relationship with your future son-in-law will be.

DEAR ABBY: I work at one of the nicer, upscale restaurants in our small community. We have been having an issue with groups or committees of anywhere from four to 15 people coming into the establishment to hold their meetings. These groups frequently arrive at normal evening dinner times and therefore take up a table, but the attendees don't order anything.

How can you politely tell these people that if they want to use our dining establishment, they should purchase something? Their behavior is just plain rude! The owner and many of the staff would like to be able to say something, but don't know how to phrase it without making these people angry. -- BAFFLED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR BAFFLED: Your problem should be handled by the manager of the restaurant. In many restaurants the minimum order per person is printed on the menu, and that is a policy you should institute. The next time the freeloaders come trooping in, the new policy should be pointed out to them.

DEAR ABBY: I am an avid Dear Abby reader, but I must question your answer to "Drippy's Wife" (June 4). She was frustrated by her husband's lack of motivation in repairing the leaky faucets around the house. Why didn't you tell her to get up and do it herself? If she doesn't know how, she can learn.

Now I have to admit that as the "man around the house," I enjoy showing off my masculine ability to replace leaky faucets, unclog the drains, etc. But in those rare moments of glaring honesty, I face the fact that my wife would be just as capable as I am, if not more so, in doing all those "manly" chores.

If something needs to be done, just do it. What's the worst that can happen? If the house gets flooded, at least the floor has been washed. -- MAN AROUND THE HOUSE IN TEXAS

DEAR MAN AROUND THE HOUSE: Many readers agreed with you. They, too, felt "Drippy's Wife" should take the wrench by the handle and fix the leaky faucet herself. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I got the distinct impression that "Drippy's Wife" was more upset that her husband didn't do projects she decided were "HIS" than bothered by the leaking faucets. If she did a little research, she would find that changing a washer is fast, cheap and easy -- especially since her husband "has all the new tools." Plumbing may not be as much fun as whining, but surely, ending a source of marital conflict is worth 10 minutes and less than a dollar per faucet.

Home maintenance isn't just for men. I was widowed unexpectedly and very young, and I took responsibility for my home. I have given myself the option of doing things myself or discussing them intelligently with a contractor (and spotting a con man in a hurry). -- C.H. IN ACWORTH, GA.

DEAR ABBY: Honey, have you never heard the old saying, "If you want the job done right, do it yourself"? My husband is also a procrastinator. I have found if I start working on HIS project and yell, "Oh, damn!" he comes running to see what is wrong. Then I say, "I am just trying to fix the thing." Invariably, he says, "Move over and let me do it."

It works every time. Why spend money on getting something repaired if you know your husband knows how to fix it? This is called reverse psychology. It works with husbands and children every time. Try it. -- DEMORA IN RICHMOND

DEAR ABBY: No amount of begging or nagging would get my husband to repair the leaky faucet in our bathroom. So I had an inspiration. I placed a measuring cup under the faucet, timed how long it took to get a cup (8 ounces), multiplied that by the minutes in a day, times 30 days in a month, etc. Well, you get the picture. When I told my husband how many gallons of water had dripped down the drain each month and how it equaled into dollars and cents down the drain, he got the drip fixed pronto. If it doesn't work for "Drippy's Wife," maybe the plumber's estimate will do the trick. -- DRIPLESS IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Not having read Monday's paper, I was confused when two of my children and a good friend called me at work to ask if I had written a letter to Dear Abby. That night, after reading your column I laughed so hard, I nearly cried!

"Drippy's Wife" is living my life with two exceptions. Her husband takes her to home improvement shows and has plans of someday doing a project. My "handyman" watches do-it-yourself programs every Saturday, and imagines he has done and finished every project he has seen on TV. The only thing my "Gary" has finished in 37 years is the food on his dinner plate. -- STILL LAUGHING IN MENTOR, OHIO

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)