DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Tim" for almost seven years. I have a male co-worker, "Chad," who is a good friend. Tim thinks that a man is friends with a woman only if he wants something from her. He says that Chad must be gay, sexually interested in me, or using me as a means to some end.
Quite frankly, I am hurt that Tim doesn't think I am interesting enough to be friends with and feels that I can be seen only in "that way." Chad has never once hit on me or given me the slightest reason to doubt his platonic feelings. He is also not gay.
How can I convince my husband that my friend is not trying to seduce me or use me? I have tried inviting Tim to hang out with us so he can get to know Chad better; he always declines. I'm at my wits' end because I dislike upsetting my husband, but I refuse to give up a good friend. -- PULLING MY HAIR OUT IN CAMBRIA, WIS.
DEAR PULLING: There is no way to convince your husband that your co-worker isn't trying to seduce or use you because that is the way your husband's mind works. In other words, when Tim says that men are friends with women only for what they can get, he is describing HIMSELF. And the reason he refuses to take the time to get to know Chad better is that by refusing, he is putting limits on the relationship and controlling you. You have my sympathy.