DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Tim" for almost seven years. I have a male co-worker, "Chad," who is a good friend. Tim thinks that a man is friends with a woman only if he wants something from her. He says that Chad must be gay, sexually interested in me, or using me as a means to some end.

Quite frankly, I am hurt that Tim doesn't think I am interesting enough to be friends with and feels that I can be seen only in "that way." Chad has never once hit on me or given me the slightest reason to doubt his platonic feelings. He is also not gay.

How can I convince my husband that my friend is not trying to seduce me or use me? I have tried inviting Tim to hang out with us so he can get to know Chad better; he always declines. I'm at my wits' end because I dislike upsetting my husband, but I refuse to give up a good friend. -- PULLING MY HAIR OUT IN CAMBRIA, WIS.

DEAR PULLING: There is no way to convince your husband that your co-worker isn't trying to seduce or use you because that is the way your husband's mind works. In other words, when Tim says that men are friends with women only for what they can get, he is describing HIMSELF. And the reason he refuses to take the time to get to know Chad better is that by refusing, he is putting limits on the relationship and controlling you. You have my sympathy.

DEAR ABBY: I am a widow whose 43-year-old daughter is dating a 56-year-old man. They have both been married before and have children from prior marriages.

They have been discussing marriage. Is it unreasonable of me to expect my future son-in-law to ask me for my daughter's hand in marriage as a sign of respect and in the name of tradition? -- TRADITIONAL MOM-IN-LAW-TO-BE

DEAR TRADITIONAL: Yes, it is. Your daughter has long since reached the age at which she is entitled to decide for herself whether to give or withhold her hand -- or anything else. And the sooner you dismount from your high horse, the happier your relationship with your future son-in-law will be.

DEAR ABBY: I work at one of the nicer, upscale restaurants in our small community. We have been having an issue with groups or committees of anywhere from four to 15 people coming into the establishment to hold their meetings. These groups frequently arrive at normal evening dinner times and therefore take up a table, but the attendees don't order anything.

How can you politely tell these people that if they want to use our dining establishment, they should purchase something? Their behavior is just plain rude! The owner and many of the staff would like to be able to say something, but don't know how to phrase it without making these people angry. -- BAFFLED IN MINNESOTA

DEAR BAFFLED: Your problem should be handled by the manager of the restaurant. In many restaurants the minimum order per person is printed on the menu, and that is a policy you should institute. The next time the freeloaders come trooping in, the new policy should be pointed out to them.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I am an avid Dear Abby reader, but I must question your answer to "Drippy's Wife" (June 4). She was frustrated by her husband's lack of motivation in repairing the leaky faucets around the house. Why didn't you tell her to get up and do it herself? If she doesn't know how, she can learn.

Now I have to admit that as the "man around the house," I enjoy showing off my masculine ability to replace leaky faucets, unclog the drains, etc. But in those rare moments of glaring honesty, I face the fact that my wife would be just as capable as I am, if not more so, in doing all those "manly" chores.

If something needs to be done, just do it. What's the worst that can happen? If the house gets flooded, at least the floor has been washed. -- MAN AROUND THE HOUSE IN TEXAS

DEAR MAN AROUND THE HOUSE: Many readers agreed with you. They, too, felt "Drippy's Wife" should take the wrench by the handle and fix the leaky faucet herself. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I got the distinct impression that "Drippy's Wife" was more upset that her husband didn't do projects she decided were "HIS" than bothered by the leaking faucets. If she did a little research, she would find that changing a washer is fast, cheap and easy -- especially since her husband "has all the new tools." Plumbing may not be as much fun as whining, but surely, ending a source of marital conflict is worth 10 minutes and less than a dollar per faucet.

Home maintenance isn't just for men. I was widowed unexpectedly and very young, and I took responsibility for my home. I have given myself the option of doing things myself or discussing them intelligently with a contractor (and spotting a con man in a hurry). -- C.H. IN ACWORTH, GA.

DEAR ABBY: Honey, have you never heard the old saying, "If you want the job done right, do it yourself"? My husband is also a procrastinator. I have found if I start working on HIS project and yell, "Oh, damn!" he comes running to see what is wrong. Then I say, "I am just trying to fix the thing." Invariably, he says, "Move over and let me do it."

It works every time. Why spend money on getting something repaired if you know your husband knows how to fix it? This is called reverse psychology. It works with husbands and children every time. Try it. -- DEMORA IN RICHMOND

DEAR ABBY: No amount of begging or nagging would get my husband to repair the leaky faucet in our bathroom. So I had an inspiration. I placed a measuring cup under the faucet, timed how long it took to get a cup (8 ounces), multiplied that by the minutes in a day, times 30 days in a month, etc. Well, you get the picture. When I told my husband how many gallons of water had dripped down the drain each month and how it equaled into dollars and cents down the drain, he got the drip fixed pronto. If it doesn't work for "Drippy's Wife," maybe the plumber's estimate will do the trick. -- DRIPLESS IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: Not having read Monday's paper, I was confused when two of my children and a good friend called me at work to ask if I had written a letter to Dear Abby. That night, after reading your column I laughed so hard, I nearly cried!

"Drippy's Wife" is living my life with two exceptions. Her husband takes her to home improvement shows and has plans of someday doing a project. My "handyman" watches do-it-yourself programs every Saturday, and imagines he has done and finished every project he has seen on TV. The only thing my "Gary" has finished in 37 years is the food on his dinner plate. -- STILL LAUGHING IN MENTOR, OHIO

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My in-laws think that my husband and I are hard up financially. We both work good jobs that pay well for our area. We have nice cars and own our home.

The in-laws constantly try to give us money! Any little thing we do, they write us a check -- like watching their house while they're on vacation, taking care of their animals, etc.

I haven't cashed their checks in years. I thought that maybe this would do the trick, but it hasn't. We pride ourselves on paying our own way and surviving on our own. What would be a proper and tactful way to tell them we appreciate their thoughtfulness but we're doing just fine? -- INDEPENDENT DUO IN SIOUX FALLS, S.D.

DEAR INDEPENDENT DUO: How about just saying it in English, the way you have said it to me? Your in-laws appear to be caring and generous people who love you both. I'm sure they are not trying to imply that you are not independent and capable when they write those checks -- they are trying to share their wealth. This is perfectly acceptable, by the way, and you should not resent it.

Have a loving chat with them. And if they continue to give you money, bank it and use it to throw them a special celebration on one of their "big" anniversaries.

DEAR ABBY: I have a unique problem. I have a very youthful appearance, and it never fails that I am taken to be 18 years old. It doesn't matter how I'm dressed, if I wear makeup or how I wear my hair. It's always the same thing.

Most people insist that being carded all the time is a compliment, but to me it isn't because it negatively impacts my social life. Inevitably, the only men who approach me are young men who think that I'm their age, and "dirty old men" who immediately lose interest once I tell them I'm 34. Also, when I try online dating I never get anywhere.

I'm at a complete loss on how to meet a decent man my age or a little older because I feel that the type of man that I would want would never approach a woman young enough to be his daughter. Can you tell me anything I can do about my situation? -- FOREVER YOUNG IN NEW ORLEANS

DEAR FOREVER YOUNG: Something I learned when I was quite young was that people have to "play the hand they are dealt." Perhaps it's time to consider that in many cases, age is only a number, and ask yourself whether your standards are too rigid.

Today, many women your age (and older) are happily coupled with younger men -- and while men in their teens and early 20s may be too young for you, someone in his late 20s and early 30s might be "just right." My advice is to explore this line of thinking, loosen up, and stop prejudging men who might be interested in you. Then let me hear from you again in six months.

DEAR ABBY: When I was growing up, I was taught it is poor manners to chew gum in public. My family and my teachers would never allow it.

I had to change seats at a board of education meeting recently because a woman was popping gum so loudly behind me. I then noticed a member of the board was chewing gum as well! I have also seen nurses and doctors chewing it. Is gum chewing in public accepted today? -- SMALL-TOWN ALABAMA

DEAR SMALL-TOWN ALABAMA: Obviously, it is. However, it's supposed to be done "discreetly" -- not like a herd of cows chewing their cud. And, "popping" one's gum is considered rude when it can annoy other people.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)