DEAR ABBY: My daughter's former lover, "Beau," is my age. (She is 20 years younger.) She was married when she and Beau had their affair, and still is. She regretted the affair, but continues to keep him as a friend. She introduced us a few years ago.

As their affair dwindled to a friendship, Beau and I began to have an interest in each other. As I started to see him in a different light, my family got upset.

Are they overreacting, or is this so strange that I should stop the relationship? It does creep me out a bit, but Beau is such fun to be with that I don't dwell on the past. Would it be extremely weird to date your daughter's ex-lover? Your thoughts, please. -- HAVING A BALL DOWN SOUTH

DEAR HAVING A BALL: Let me put it this way: It would be highly unusual. I'm all for having a ball, both down South and up North. But I wish you had mentioned exactly who in the family finds what you are doing "upsetting." If it's your daughter and her husband, you should seriously consider the consequences of continuing the romance because it could not only put a damper on future family gatherings, but also create a permanent rift between you and your daughter and her family.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to my husband for 10 months. This is his first marriage and my second. I have a 12-year-old daughter and a 7-year-old son from my first marriage. When my son was born, I decided I was done having kids. I had one of each; it was perfect.

My new husband doesn't have kids of his own and would like to have a chance to raise a child from birth -- either a biological child or an adopted one. He's a good dad, and I know he would love to have a baby. I just feel like it would be an injustice to my kids -- not to mention unfair to another child because of not only the age difference, but the bond my children have with each other. At the same time, I would love to share that experience with my husband. I feel torn, and I don't know what's best. -- CAN'T DECIDE IN BOISE, IDAHO

DEAR CAN'T DECIDE: I hope you realize that this is something you and your husband should have thoroughly discussed before you married him. From my perspective, it is clear that YOU do not want another child. If you did, you would realize that the "bond your children already have" is capable of being expanded, and that they might love to have a much younger baby brother or sister. Love isn't something that's rationed. The more there is, the more there is.

DEAR ABBY: What are some ways that people can improve a negative self-image, improve their self-confidence and be more positive in their interactions with other people? -- A.J. IN SALT LAKE CITY

DEAR A.J.: I'm glad you asked. Allow me to offer a few suggestions:

(1) Stop and consider what caused your negative self-image. Then begin taking positive steps to improve your body, soul and intellect.

(2) If you feel yourself reverting to a poor self-image, remind yourself of what you are doing and why.

(3) Reach out and do something for someone who is less fortunate than you are. It's a guaranteed upper.

(4) Avoid people who make themselves feel better by making others feel less so.

(5) Count your blessings every single day, and make up your mind to be happy. People are usually as happy as they are determined to be.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I was frustrated by the lack of empathy that "Rachel in Philadelphia" (May 23) seemed to have for nursing mothers. She's the writer who asked if a nursing mother was "right or wrong" to expose her breasts to visitors in her home.

As a new mom myself, I say the guests should have been more sensitive. Women who cover themselves with a blanket while nursing in public are practiced and experienced. If you've never nursed, you have no idea how hard it is to get your shirt and bra out of the way, get your baby positioned and latched on properly, all while your hungry baby is squirming and fussing.

When it became apparent to Rachel that the infant was hungry, she could have offered to leave the room temporarily or held a blanket in front of the mother until the baby was positioned and latched on.

Learning to nurse takes patience and persistence. New moms are tired, frazzled, and in physical discomfort from recently giving birth. We need support, not judgment, from friends and family. -- ANOTHER NEW MOM

DEAR NEW MOM: Many readers felt as you do, and many moms wrote to offer helpful suggestions for the nursing mother, while reminding visitors to be more supportive. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: When I first breast-fed my son, I discovered that the process is not easy. And I, too, sometimes "flashed" visitors in my first attempts to get the hang of it. It's hard to be discreet during the first week or so. Afterward, however, I became proficient, and my husband was wonderful at providing a burp cloth or another item to help shield me when we were out in public.

Please tell Rachel to rest assured. In time, most nursing moms become so adept at the process that most people don't even realize they're breast-feeding. -- PRACTICE MAKES PERFECT

DEAR ABBY: It never fails to amaze me how a society that participates in the viewing of violence, sex, mean-spiritedness and idle gossip as entertainment can become "outraged" seeing the act of breast-feeding an infant. It's time we got our priorities straight! -- T.P., MANISTEE, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: Having a new baby can be a stressful experience. It is unfair to expect that mom to feel she must hide away in her own home for a half-hour or so while feeding her baby in the most natural and healthy way possible. If Rachel was that uncomfortable seeing a nursing baby, she should have offered to do a chore in another room, such as wash some dishes to help relieve the new mother. -- SANTA CLARA MOMMY

DEAR ABBY: While you are correct that nursing can be done discreetly, it is troubling that our society views breasts as purely sexual objects that should be concealed, instead of as the source of the best nutrition available to one's precious child.

In addition, infants who are breast-fed get sick less, so they don't have to go to the doctor as often as those who are not. Moms who nurse have less breast and ovarian cancer, and quicker weight loss after they give birth. The La Leche League Web site, � HYPERLINK "http://www.lalecheleague.org" ��www.lalecheleague.org�, can provide information and support. -- C. PAYNE, M.D. IN GAINESVILLE

DEAR ABBY: After I had my baby, my doctor came into my hospital room and asked if I was planning on nursing my baby. I said I was. He could see my roommate was listening to our conversation, so he asked her if she, too, was planning on nursing. She said no! My doctor, who was known for his frankness, said: "What do you think those breasts are for, sweaters? Nursing is the best way to go! The milk is always warm, and it comes in cute containers!" Needless to say, my roommate was speechless. -- NORMA IN HURRICANE, UTAH

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DEAR ABBY: I have recently begun using Internet dating sites to meet guys in my community. With my busy work and home schedules, I have found this to be a good alternative. The problem I'm having is that some of these sites allow matches to ask if you are emotionally and mentally healthy.

In my case, I have suffered from depression in the past. I have been hospitalized for this issue and have received medication. At this point in my life, I manage my depression with non-drug-related therapies. I no longer need a counselor or a therapist, and have in place strategies for when I feel I'm cycling downward.

How should I respond to gentlemen who are looking for an "emotionally healthy" match? I consider myself "recovering" and do not take my mental health for granted. Your advice would be much appreciated. -- NOT SO BLUE IN EVERETT, WASH.

DEAR NOT SO BLUE: The men asking about an "emotionally healthy match" should be told that very few people today come without some sort of emotional baggage -- them included. And, unlike some people who are carrying steamer trunks of baggage on their backs, yours is manageable. If a man gives you any argument on that, remind him that someone who has recognized he or she had a problem -- and dealt with it -- is healthier than a person who has a problem, is afraid to own up to it and lets it fester.

DEAR ABBY: I am having a conflict with my granddaughter. My mother passed away a year ago. Years ago, she had become engaged to a guy in the Army who gave her an engagement ring. Mother married my father while her fiance was away on active duty.

My granddaughter now says Mother told her she could have the ring. Abby, my mother said nothing to me about any such promise. My granddaughter has not spoken to me since the funeral. At this point, if I give her the ring I feel I would be buying her affection. What do you think? -- IN A BIND IN TEXAS

DEAR IN A BIND: You and your granddaughter are overdue for a frank chat. If your mother truly intended for her to have the ring, she should have put it in writing. What your granddaughter appears to be attempting is emotional blackmail. Giving her the ring will not guarantee her affection or her presence in your life.

If I were you, I'd sell the ring. It appears to bring bad luck to everyone connected with it.

DEAR ABBY: On Memorial Day, I attended the funeral of a respected member of our community. During the motorcade from the mortuary to the cemetery, I noticed a man who had been working in his garden. When he saw the hearse and the motorcade, he stood, bowed his head and held his cap over his heart.

I'm sure the man did not know the deceased, but his respectful act of honoring the person who had passed was noticed by many and was deeply appreciated.

We could learn a lesson from this kind individual. A thoughtful gesture that takes but a few moments can mean a great deal to people who have suffered such a loss. -- CHARLES IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR CHARLES: I agree. Years ago, the gesture of respect you described was quite common. However, in the last decade or so, it seems to have been forgotten. I'm for reviving it. Even if the deceased is not known to us, taking a moment to dwell on the fact that none of us lives forever can spur us to better spend the time we are given.

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