DEAR ABBY: I have read your column for the better part of 20 years and always enjoyed it, even if I didn't always agree with your advice. The fact that it makes us think is what makes it so enjoyable.

Now I find myself writing to get an opinion on a matter that has been very hard for me. I have been married for the last 20 years to a woman who has been hard to get along with, at best. We were married because she became pregnant. I thought I was doing the right thing. Later, I found out she had stopped taking birth control pills so she could get me to marry her.

Looking back, it was not the right thing to do. I have stayed married and we have had a second child. Again, she was on the pill, and again I thought I was doing the right thing by staying around to be the father.

I removed my wedding ring 10 years ago and have been barely getting along with her while I work a lot of jobs away from the house to avoid the never-ending arguments. I don't hate her or wish anything bad for her, but I have reached the point where I can no longer stand to be around her. I have concluded that staying married for the sake of the kids and trying to be a two-parent family was the wrong thing to do.

I know the ensuing divorce will be ugly, with her constantly harassing me, but how can I help her to see that our marriage has been a train wreck in slow motion for 20 years? -- LIVING AWAY

DEAR LIVING AWAY: Your marriage was based on fraud, and a marriage with fraud as its foundation is like a house built on quicksand. As unhappy as you have been, your wife appears to have been even unhappier. She knows she tricked you into marriage and you weren't in love with her -- and she has been taking her anger out on you and herself ever since.

As you said, ending the marriage won't be pleasant -- and she will probably be punitive. Therefore, it is imperative that your children be made to understand that, regardless of what has happened with their mother, you will always be there for them. As to "helping her see," etc. -- save that effort for later, much later, when her anger has cooled to indifference.

DEAR ABBY: I carpool my daughter, "Leslye," to school with one other student. It has been helpful because Leslye needs to be taken to and from school five days a week. The problem is, Leslye does not like riding in the other mother's car because it is filthy.

Leslye has come home with stains on her pants from sitting on melted crayons, old food, etc. She tells me that it's OK for all trash to be thrown on the floor. It was that way all year.

Have you any suggestions on how to handle this situation next year? (I am a non-confrontational type of person.) I hope the other mom reads your column. -- MARIAN IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR MARIAN: And what if she doesn't read my column? Unless you are willing to advocate for your daughter, there is nothing I can do. It would not be confrontational to tell the woman that your daughter's clothing was soiled because of the melted crayons -- or food -- on the seats of her car, and that it's time the vehicle was cleaned. It's part of responsible parenting. If she doesn't get the message, then it will be up to you to provide more suitable transportation to school for your daughter.

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DEAR ABBY: I agree with your advice to "Looking Twice in Idaho" (May 21), who has concerns about his girlfriend's lack of a college degree. You suggested premarital counseling.

Not all college degrees are created equal, and a college degree does not automatically insulate one from life's misfortunes or economic setbacks. This couple should definitely make sure they have compatible financial and personal goals. However, the prospective groom should not assume that a lack of a college diploma will cripple his future wife's earning potential any more than his possession of one will guarantee it. -- LISA IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR LISA: Many readers wrote to say that marriage should be based on love, not love of money. However, opinions regarding who should leave that relationship and why varied. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It is the girlfriend who should exit the relationship -- and the sooner the better!

"Looking" equates success with the future paycheck of a woman he admits is kind and considerate and who loves him. He, not she, will be the problem in any potential marriage. He should value his girlfriend for who she is, not for her earning capacity. His attitude will inevitably destroy any marriage he enters into.

There is nothing wrong with a wife who prefers to manage her home and devote herself to her children and husband. Get a grip, "Looking." Your immaturity is showing. -- TOM IN ALIQUIPPA, PA.

DEAR ABBY: Since when does love require a college degree? This is the silliest excuse I have ever seen for trying to get rid of someone.

I never graduated from high school, having dropped out to pursue "life" as I saw it. I went back five years later and got my GED -- for myself. My husband spent seven years in college and received his bachelor's and master's in English.

I started working for a furniture store when I was 17 and have been there ever since. My better-educated husband earns less than half of what I do -- proof that a piece of paper does not make one a success! Love is blind, and it does not earn a salary. -- THE BREADWINNER IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: I, too, have only a high school education. Twenty years ago, I married a professional. I married him for "love" and thought that was why he married me. Over the years I have realized that in his eyes, love and money are on the same page. I have overheard him talking with his friends, saying, "Well, she only makes enough money for groceries!"

If "Looking" has doubts now, then there is a real problem. He should break up with that girl before she wastes any more time on him. She's still young enough to find someone who will love her for herself, and not the amount of money she'll bring in. -- GROCERY GIRL IN GLEN ALLEN

DEAR ABBY: If "Looking" wanted a college-educated woman, then why did he date and start living with someone who is not? Was it just a fling? Was he thinking an uneducated woman was fine to use until Miss Right came along?

His girlfriend is the one who should be questioning their relationship and having major concerns about his ability to raise children. With his hang-ups, what values will he pass on to his children? Will he treat her as a second-class person, not an equal and respected partner in their marriage?

I think he is a shallow person, and I hope she has better sense than to marry him. -- NANCY IN HOUSTON

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DEAR ABBY: Here's one for the books on parental stupidity. When my daughter, "Marissa," began to reach her teen years, her father -- in an attempt to be funny -- advised her that she could keep from becoming pregnant by putting an aspirin between her knees and keeping it there.

My stupidity was assuming that sex education and pregnancy prevention were taught in her school. I never broached the subject with her.

Marissa became pregnant at 15. The young man she was seeing told her she couldn't get pregnant in a swimming pool because the chlorine would kill the sperm. Have you heard that before? Needless to say, the inevitable result was a baby.

I love my grandson dearly. God did not make a mistake even though we adults were all dummies in the advice department. Please tell parents, children and adults to educate themselves and learn all the facts and fictions about teen pregnancy and prevention. -- STUPID MOM WITH NO EXCUSE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MOM: Your letter underscores the importance of parents taking the initiative and discussing sex and values with their children before hormones kick in and peers fill their heads with misinformation about birth control.

Some popular misconceptions include the idea that jumping up and down after sex prevents pregnancy, that douching with Coca-Cola is an effective contraceptive, that you can't get pregnant during your menstrual cycle, that "withdrawal" prevents pregnancy, and that you won't get pregnant if it's your first time or if your breasts aren't developed.

It is vitally important that parents talk to their children about sex because many schools offer only abstinence-based sex education -- which has not slowed the spread of STDs. According to the April 2005 issue of Journal of Adolescent Health, teens who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are more likely to take chances with other kinds of sex that increase the risk of STDs.

For parents who have difficulty discussing sex and values, I offer my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know," that explains not only sex and contraception, but also the important topics of sexually transmitted diseases and date rape. My booklet has been distributed in doctors' offices and used to promote discussion by educators and religious leaders. It can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

DEAR ABBY: I was married last June. I wrote my thank-you notes for our wedding gifts a week after returning from our honeymoon. I thought they had been mailed.

It is now 11 months later, and I found the cards in the trunk of my husband's car. What do I do? -- CATHI IN STOCKTON, CALIF.

DEAR CATHI: You should mail them now. A late thank-you is far better than none at all.