DEAR ABBY: I agree with your advice to "Looking Twice in Idaho" (May 21), who has concerns about his girlfriend's lack of a college degree. You suggested premarital counseling.

Not all college degrees are created equal, and a college degree does not automatically insulate one from life's misfortunes or economic setbacks. This couple should definitely make sure they have compatible financial and personal goals. However, the prospective groom should not assume that a lack of a college diploma will cripple his future wife's earning potential any more than his possession of one will guarantee it. -- LISA IN SAN JOSE, CALIF.

DEAR LISA: Many readers wrote to say that marriage should be based on love, not love of money. However, opinions regarding who should leave that relationship and why varied. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: It is the girlfriend who should exit the relationship -- and the sooner the better!

"Looking" equates success with the future paycheck of a woman he admits is kind and considerate and who loves him. He, not she, will be the problem in any potential marriage. He should value his girlfriend for who she is, not for her earning capacity. His attitude will inevitably destroy any marriage he enters into.

There is nothing wrong with a wife who prefers to manage her home and devote herself to her children and husband. Get a grip, "Looking." Your immaturity is showing. -- TOM IN ALIQUIPPA, PA.

DEAR ABBY: Since when does love require a college degree? This is the silliest excuse I have ever seen for trying to get rid of someone.

I never graduated from high school, having dropped out to pursue "life" as I saw it. I went back five years later and got my GED -- for myself. My husband spent seven years in college and received his bachelor's and master's in English.

I started working for a furniture store when I was 17 and have been there ever since. My better-educated husband earns less than half of what I do -- proof that a piece of paper does not make one a success! Love is blind, and it does not earn a salary. -- THE BREADWINNER IN CINCINNATI

DEAR ABBY: I, too, have only a high school education. Twenty years ago, I married a professional. I married him for "love" and thought that was why he married me. Over the years I have realized that in his eyes, love and money are on the same page. I have overheard him talking with his friends, saying, "Well, she only makes enough money for groceries!"

If "Looking" has doubts now, then there is a real problem. He should break up with that girl before she wastes any more time on him. She's still young enough to find someone who will love her for herself, and not the amount of money she'll bring in. -- GROCERY GIRL IN GLEN ALLEN

DEAR ABBY: If "Looking" wanted a college-educated woman, then why did he date and start living with someone who is not? Was it just a fling? Was he thinking an uneducated woman was fine to use until Miss Right came along?

His girlfriend is the one who should be questioning their relationship and having major concerns about his ability to raise children. With his hang-ups, what values will he pass on to his children? Will he treat her as a second-class person, not an equal and respected partner in their marriage?

I think he is a shallow person, and I hope she has better sense than to marry him. -- NANCY IN HOUSTON

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Here's one for the books on parental stupidity. When my daughter, "Marissa," began to reach her teen years, her father -- in an attempt to be funny -- advised her that she could keep from becoming pregnant by putting an aspirin between her knees and keeping it there.

My stupidity was assuming that sex education and pregnancy prevention were taught in her school. I never broached the subject with her.

Marissa became pregnant at 15. The young man she was seeing told her she couldn't get pregnant in a swimming pool because the chlorine would kill the sperm. Have you heard that before? Needless to say, the inevitable result was a baby.

I love my grandson dearly. God did not make a mistake even though we adults were all dummies in the advice department. Please tell parents, children and adults to educate themselves and learn all the facts and fictions about teen pregnancy and prevention. -- STUPID MOM WITH NO EXCUSE IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR MOM: Your letter underscores the importance of parents taking the initiative and discussing sex and values with their children before hormones kick in and peers fill their heads with misinformation about birth control.

Some popular misconceptions include the idea that jumping up and down after sex prevents pregnancy, that douching with Coca-Cola is an effective contraceptive, that you can't get pregnant during your menstrual cycle, that "withdrawal" prevents pregnancy, and that you won't get pregnant if it's your first time or if your breasts aren't developed.

It is vitally important that parents talk to their children about sex because many schools offer only abstinence-based sex education -- which has not slowed the spread of STDs. According to the April 2005 issue of Journal of Adolescent Health, teens who pledge to remain virgins until marriage are more likely to take chances with other kinds of sex that increase the risk of STDs.

For parents who have difficulty discussing sex and values, I offer my booklet, "What Every Teen Should Know," that explains not only sex and contraception, but also the important topics of sexually transmitted diseases and date rape. My booklet has been distributed in doctors' offices and used to promote discussion by educators and religious leaders. It can be ordered by sending a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. Shipping and handling are included in the price.

DEAR ABBY: I was married last June. I wrote my thank-you notes for our wedding gifts a week after returning from our honeymoon. I thought they had been mailed.

It is now 11 months later, and I found the cards in the trunk of my husband's car. What do I do? -- CATHI IN STOCKTON, CALIF.

DEAR CATHI: You should mail them now. A late thank-you is far better than none at all.

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing regarding "Puzzled but Still Going Strong" (May 19), who lost weight but is being undermined by her husband. It is possible that the man is co-dependent.

Simply stated, his identity or comfort level is dependent on the wife remaining overweight. When she loses weight, the husband loses a piece of his identity or becomes afraid he will lose his now-slimmer wife to another man. In co-dependency, the co-dependent partner will do everything he/she can do to undermine improvements in the other partner.

Counseling is critical for this couple -- or "Puzzled" alone, if her husband won't go -- to address this issue. Otherwise, he will wear down her resolve. -- DEBBIE IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR DEBBIE: Thank you for your comments. My readers were quick to weigh in on this topic, which affects many families across the country, given the pervasive increase in obesity reported by health-care professionals. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Five years ago I had gastric bypass surgery, and since then I have lost 120 pounds. Numerous pre-op tests were performed before my surgery, but one of the most important "tests" was that my husband was interviewed by the surgeon prior to the procedure.

He was asked if he had any concerns about how the surgery would change our lives and if he would have any problems with me losing the weight and being the same person with a different body. He was informed that my eating habits would drastically change and that, if the surgery was to work, my world could no longer be centered around food.

Apparently the medical profession knows the importance of spousal support for weight loss. Perhaps "Puzzled" should make an appointment with her family doctor so he (or she) can explain to her husband how much healthier she is since losing the weight. -- HAPPY IN FLORENCE, KY.

DEAR ABBY: While it may be insecurity on the husband's part, it is important to note that all the examples "Puzzled" gave of the man's behavior are methods of control, as well as providing a very poor role model for the children. Not only is he attempting to sabotage her efforts, but he is teaching their kids that he is less dedicated to the cause than she is. It could also be something more serious. Belittling and demeaning someone is abusive, even though it doesn't leave visible bruises.

Abby, your advice about professional counseling was right on, and I hope for her sake and that of her children, she gets it sooner rather than waiting to see if he "eases up." I know from experience that it is much harder to undo negative role modeling than it is to set a healthy and positive example. -- MOM WHO'S BEEN THERE, DONE THAT AND GOT THE T-SHIRT TO PROVE IT

DEAR ABBY: Several years ago I lost 40 pounds and have kept it off with diet and exercise. My wife's response was to gain 40 pounds. She said she was so angry with me for getting in shape that she decided to get even. She eats everything she wants, never exercises, and now weighs more than 200. Despite many weight-related health problems, she has no intention of changing her habits. My advice to "Puzzled": Resist your spouse's attempts to derail your fitness with all your might. -- RESIGNED IN ALABAMA

DEAR ABBY: "Puzzled" may have become a "diet bore." All too often, dieters shut out everything but themselves and their diet. You CAN have a healthy life that includes your spouse, family, and the things you used to do together. It just requires some balance. I prefer to call it a lifestyle and not a diet. -- WISE WEIGHT WATCHER

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