DEAR ABBY: My husband, "Greg," and I have been married six years. When we first met, he drank every weekend. He wouldn't come home after work or even call me. He has come a long way since then.

Greg now calls me from work to see if I "mind" if he goes out with his buddies for "a few" beers. (I don't mind.) All I ask is that he come home when the bar closes. Greg promises he will, but he never follows through. He either goes out for breakfast or over to a friend's house. He usually doesn't make it home until 6:00 a.m., and by then I'm furious.

Greg is 36 and I am 29. We have a beautiful 5-year-old daughter. Is it too much to ask that a married man come home instead of staying out all night with his single friends? We fight constantly over this. (He accuses me of "nagging.")

One night he was out with my brother, "James." James was home by 3:00 a.m. Greg came strolling in at 6:00 and claimed he had "no idea" where he had been for the last three hours. Am I naive to think he wasn't doing anything wrong? Please help me. I don't know how much more I can take. When Greg starts drinking, he can't stop. But he only drinks once a month now. Is that an alcoholic? -- END OF MY ROPE IN CLEVELAND

DEAR "END": Your husband may binge only once a month, but he is showing at least four classic signs of being an alcoholic. He is unable to stop drinking once he starts; he is having trouble remembering where he was the next morning; it is causing problems in his home life; and he wishes someone (you) would stop nagging him about his drinking.

Alcoholics Anonymous could help him, but only if he is willing to admit he has a problem and seek help for it. Al-Anon could give you valuable insight about what is going on in your marriage and how to handle it. (The members of this group are all men and women who share their own personal experiences in dealing with an alcoholic in order to help one another cope with their problems.) You will find it listed in your phone directory.

P.S. Because your husband can't remember where he is spending the night when he's out drinking, it might be wise to talk to your doctor and ask to be tested for STDs. A word to the wise ...

DEAR ABBY: I may be alone in my thoughts on this subject, but I feel that addressing a woman as "ma'am" is an extremely derogatory term. I believe it is a derivative of "mammy" and simply a way of keeping a woman in her place.

How would any man like to be called "geezer" or "old goat" on a regular basis? I regard "ma'am" in the same negative light.

How can I politely, yet firmly, respond to those who persist in their rude behavior when I am called "ma'am?"

-- DEFINITELY NOT YOUR MA'AM IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR DEFINITELY NOT: You must be a recent transplant to the South, because south of the Mason-Dixon (and also in the military), to address a woman as "ma'am" shows respect. I don't know where you got the idea that "ma'am" is a derivative of "mammy," but it's a huge mistake, and I hope you haven't said it to anyone else.

"Ma'am" is a contraction of the word "madam," a form of respectful address to an adult -- usually married -- woman. If you prefer to be called something else, ask the person to call you "Lisa," "Ms. Jones," etc. But please don't pick a fight, or you will look foolish.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I raised our two sons and two daughters. One son and both daughters married well. Our other son, "Neil," is gay. He and his partner, "Ron," have been together 15 years, but Neil's father and I never wanted to know Ron because we disapproved of their lifestyle.

When I was 74, my husband died, leaving me in ill health and nearly penniless. No longer able to live alone, I asked my married son and two daughters if I could "visit" each of them for four months a year. (I didn't want to burden any one family, and thought living out of a suitcase would be best for everyone.) All three turned me down. Feeling unwanted, I wanted to die.

When Neil and Ron heard what had happened, they invited me to move across country and live with them. They welcomed me into their home, and even removed a wall between two rooms so I'd have a bedroom with a private bath and sitting room -- although we spend most of our time together.

They also include me in many of their plans. Since I moved in with them, I have traveled more than I have my whole life and seen places I only read about in books. They never mention the fact that they are supporting me, or that I ignored them in the past.

When old friends ask how it feels living with my gay son, I tell them I hope they're lucky enough to have one who will take them in one day. Please continue urging your readers to accept their children as they are. My only regret is that I wasted 15 years. -- GRATEFUL MOM

DEAR GRATEFUL MOM: You are indeed fortunate to have such a loving, generous and forgiving son. Sexual orientation is not a measure of anyone's humanity or worth. Thank you for pointing out how important it is that people respect each other for who they are, not for what we would like them to be.

You could have learned that lesson long ago, had you and your husband contacted Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays (PFLAG) when you first learned that Neil was gay. Among other things, the organization offers support groups and education for parents who need to learn more about gender issues. (The address is 1726 M St. N.W., Suite 400, Washington, D.C. 20036.)

DEAR ABBY: Some friends asked us to store furniture and other belongings in our basement for a month. That was three years ago. We have lost contact with them and no longer know where they are.

My husband and I want to clean out the basement, but we disagree about what to do with the other couple's items. I want to have a garage sale, and afterward give any unsold items to charity. My husband wants to put the items out for trash pickup.

What is the ethical solution? And what should be done with the money from the garage sale? -- ANNE IN PRAIRIE VILLAGE, KAN.

DEAR ANNE: Donate it all to charity and forgo the garage sale. That way there will be no question of your ethics because there will be no money.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I need your help. Last week, my mother and I got into a huge fight, with her screaming at me, "I don't want you living here ever again!" I ran into my room in tears, hoping she didn't really mean what she said.

Yesterday, she put a 30-day notice on my door, telling me to move out. I'm 19, so it's probably legal for her to do this to me, but I don't want to go. I love my family. My father is no longer in the picture. I haven't seen him since I was 2. I love my house, my room, my life. I have nowhere to go. I have very little money, no skills, no job, no license and no car. My mother never taught me to be independent.

I don't understand why she's doing this. I don't drink or do drugs and I'm not promiscuous. I'm going to a junior college and getting good grades. My mother once promised me that if I went to college I could live with her.

I am terrified of being homeless. I'm terrified of losing my family. I could get raped or robbed, and if I don't find a job, I could starve to death. Even if I do find a place, what happens if I get sick or injured? No one will take care of me. I'm not ready to live on my own yet, and I resent her thinking that I can.

I have tried talking to her about this. All she said was, "I don't care what you do with your life. Just get out." I feel like an orphan. What should I do? Is there any way I can convince her to let me stay? I have nowhere else to turn. Please help me. -- TERRIFIED IN SANTA ROSA

DEAR TERRIFIED: It would have been helpful if you had mentioned what precipitated the "huge fight" that caused your mother to order you out. It might have given me an insight into her mental state. But because her mind seems to be made up, you must immediately talk to a counselor at school about student housing and employment that might be available.

Former president Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." That statement applies to you. You WILL make it through this difficult time. You are not the only young person who has, by unfortunate circumstances, been forced to stand on her own two feet at a moment's notice. However, your first stop should be the school counselor's office, and your second at the financial office.

DEAR ABBY: I have a gripe I hope you can help me with. I am a 51-year-old man who has an 18-month-old son. Every time I take him anywhere, people come up to me and ask if he is my grandson. Why would people assume such a thing?

Maybe I'm making too much out of this, but it really was bothering me. So now, after telling them, "No, he's my son" several times, I have finally given up.

Now if someone asks if my son is my grandson, I reply, "No. My grandson lives in Los Angeles with his mother. This is my grandson's uncle."

It usually takes a few minutes for the light to come on, but they eventually get it. -- ROBIN IN NEWARK, CALIF.

DEAR ROBIN: Your letter proves that sometimes even the most innocuous question can be tactless. And with so many mature men starting second families these days, you'd think people would know better. In the past I have heard similar stories from older mothers who have let their hair go gray.

I like your solution, though. A humorous response often gets a message across better than an angry one.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)