DEAR ABBY: I need your help. Last week, my mother and I got into a huge fight, with her screaming at me, "I don't want you living here ever again!" I ran into my room in tears, hoping she didn't really mean what she said.

Yesterday, she put a 30-day notice on my door, telling me to move out. I'm 19, so it's probably legal for her to do this to me, but I don't want to go. I love my family. My father is no longer in the picture. I haven't seen him since I was 2. I love my house, my room, my life. I have nowhere to go. I have very little money, no skills, no job, no license and no car. My mother never taught me to be independent.

I don't understand why she's doing this. I don't drink or do drugs and I'm not promiscuous. I'm going to a junior college and getting good grades. My mother once promised me that if I went to college I could live with her.

I am terrified of being homeless. I'm terrified of losing my family. I could get raped or robbed, and if I don't find a job, I could starve to death. Even if I do find a place, what happens if I get sick or injured? No one will take care of me. I'm not ready to live on my own yet, and I resent her thinking that I can.

I have tried talking to her about this. All she said was, "I don't care what you do with your life. Just get out." I feel like an orphan. What should I do? Is there any way I can convince her to let me stay? I have nowhere else to turn. Please help me. -- TERRIFIED IN SANTA ROSA

DEAR TERRIFIED: It would have been helpful if you had mentioned what precipitated the "huge fight" that caused your mother to order you out. It might have given me an insight into her mental state. But because her mind seems to be made up, you must immediately talk to a counselor at school about student housing and employment that might be available.

Former president Franklin Delano Roosevelt once said, "The only thing we have to fear is fear itself." That statement applies to you. You WILL make it through this difficult time. You are not the only young person who has, by unfortunate circumstances, been forced to stand on her own two feet at a moment's notice. However, your first stop should be the school counselor's office, and your second at the financial office.

DEAR ABBY: I have a gripe I hope you can help me with. I am a 51-year-old man who has an 18-month-old son. Every time I take him anywhere, people come up to me and ask if he is my grandson. Why would people assume such a thing?

Maybe I'm making too much out of this, but it really was bothering me. So now, after telling them, "No, he's my son" several times, I have finally given up.

Now if someone asks if my son is my grandson, I reply, "No. My grandson lives in Los Angeles with his mother. This is my grandson's uncle."

It usually takes a few minutes for the light to come on, but they eventually get it. -- ROBIN IN NEWARK, CALIF.

DEAR ROBIN: Your letter proves that sometimes even the most innocuous question can be tactless. And with so many mature men starting second families these days, you'd think people would know better. In the past I have heard similar stories from older mothers who have let their hair go gray.

I like your solution, though. A humorous response often gets a message across better than an angry one.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 29-year-old mother of five angelic children. You'd think that a seasoned mother would know the real value of family, but you would have been wrong.

I, like so many others, became caught up in the details of my own life and forgot that I was a part of someone else's life -- my mother's. I forgot to chat with her about nothing when she called me. I forgot to visit her for no special reason. I forgot to appreciate her "just because." I never bought her a Mother's Day gift because I never seemed to have the money. Of course, I always had a good reason, and I thought "tomorrow" would bring another opportunity.

Well, tomorrow never came. My mother committed suicide March 24, 2004. I called her that day, just to say "I love you," and got her answering machine. I never had the chance to tell Mommy all the things that I forgot. I was so busy with the details of my own life that I was blind to the disintegration of hers.

Now that it is too late, I talk to Mommy every day -- especially if I'm busy. I look for gifts I know she'd like, even though I still don't have the money. Please, Abby, let your readers know that it's not too late for them. People don't just assume that they are loved and appreciated. We need to show them every day.

I would give anything in this world to be able to see my mother's beautiful face one last time and say, "You are amazing!" Please tell someone you love them today. Tomorrow is promised to no one. -- MOMMY'S BABY GIRL IN TENNESSEE

DEAR BABY GIRL: Please accept my deepest sympathy for your loss. It is clear that you are still grieving. When someone close commits suicide, it is normal for the survivors to feel guilt. But please, stop dwelling so much on your perceived shortcomings. Mothers do not commit suicide because their daughters forget to call or visit. And they do not commit suicide because their daughters don't buy them Mother's Day gifts. I'm sure your mother knew you loved her and was proud of you.

I agree with your message that it's important to tell those we love how important they are to us, and not to take anyone for granted. I hope my readers will take it to heart. However, in light of the fact that it has been three years since your mother took her life, I am urging you to consult a mental health professional who can help you to let go of the burden of guilt you are carrying. The time has come to start looking forward again, not backward.

DEAR ABBY: I am 55. I consider myself successful and happily married -- not too many things seem wrong. My wife and I have been married 27 years and have three children.

I have a question for you. I found a behind-the-ear hearing aid in my bed by the pillow. My wife and I don't need hearing aids. There are only so many ways that it could have gotten there. Do you think I should be concerned? -- BURNED UP IN BURNSVILLE, MINN.

DEAR BURNED UP: Unless the pest control man has a hearing problem, you should consider this a red flag. You are certainly within your rights to show your wife the evidence and ask her, "Who's been sleeping in my bed? Goldilocks?"

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a question regarding "Never the Bridesmaid" (5/14). Why "must" a female in a wedding party wear a dress? I stood proudly next to my best friend last year wearing a beautiful suit that I had made (with her blessing) in a color she picked. She made it clear from the time she asked me to stand with her that she had no intention of asking me to wear a dress because she knew it would have made me extremely uncomfortable. While this was easy in the small wedding party, I have also seen women wear pantsuits in other weddings. Not all women wear dresses, Abby. -- D.P. IN VERMONT

DEAR D.P.: You're right. Readers offered other "suit"able suggestions -- as well as encouraging advice -- to "Never." Read on:

DEAR ABBY: My best friend had the same issues as "Never the Bridesmaid." I bought her a beautiful black satin tuxedo jumpsuit with white satin lapels. It was classic and lovely. Ten years later, she still wears it for formal occasions. You can't do that with most bridesmaids' dresses. -- WENDY'S BEST FRIEND

DEAR ABBY: I, too, am uncomfortable in dresses. I didn't even wear one for my own wedding. However, I have never regretted setting my feelings aside, hiding my misery and putting on a dress, hose and shoes to be in two of my best friends' weddings, as well as my brother's. I would like to encourage "Never" to remind herself that it's just a few hours in a lifetime on an occasion that will mean a lot to so many. -- DRESS REGISTER WITH NO REGRETS

DEAR ABBY: There are two occasions when I get into a dress no matter what: weddings and funerals. It's her brother's wedding, and they should not be catering to a bridesmaid. It is an honor to be a part of someone's wedding, especially a sibling's.

She should get over it for one day and wear the dress out of respect for her brother and the occasion. I did it for my best friend. Having to wear a dress you would prefer not to is just part of being a bridesmaid. She should step out of her comfort zone for an hour or two, smile, and help them have the wedding they want. Everyone will be watching the bride anyway. -- JESSICA IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My son was married last month and I could not have been prouder. His older sister is slightly disabled from a birth defect. Her left leg has no muscle and is about a third the size of the normal one. The tendon is short and she walks with a noticeable limp. Her left foot is also a size smaller than the right, and she cannot wear high heels. Because of this she has not worn a dress since she was a little girl. She is also extremely shy.

However, when her brother's fiancee invited her to be a bridesmaid she didn't hesitate to accept the honor. Seeing how she put aside her feelings to walk down that long aisle brimming with love for her brother is what made me proud.

Please tell "Never" to get over herself. The wedding isn't about her, and she shouldn't insult the couple by asking if she can do something else. She should choose NOT to be a miserable bridesmaid and bless their day. -- PROUD MOM IN S.F.

DEAR ABBY: My wedding was 20 years ago, and my husband's sister (who also didn't like dresses) was part of my wedding. She was not thrilled at the thought of wearing a bridesmaid's dress but wore one anyway because she loved her brother (and me). She passed away last September, and we treasure the memory we have of our sister -- not only in our hearts, but also in our wedding album. -- MISSING MY BRIDESMAID

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