Unfortunately, Amanda disagrees. Because they have all matching outfits and share a room, Amanda just waits until Alicia gets dressed and puts on the same outfit. This results in arguments every morning.

Amanda suggested what I thought was a fair compromise: They would dress alike on alternate days. However, Alicia insists that if she wants to dress differently, she should be able to do so every day. What would you recommend? -- TWINS' MOM IN BELLEVUE, WASH.

DEAR TWINS' MOM: Let me share a page from my family album. My mother, Pauline Esther, and my aunt, Esther Pauline, were identical twins. They dressed in identical outfits and shared the same bed until their double wedding. They looked so much alike that when they would double date, they would switch dates in the middle of the evening and no one was the wiser.

My mother loved being an identical twin and regarded "twinning" as an asset. My aunt, on the other hand, yearned to be regarded as an individual.

I had always viewed twinship through my mother's rose-colored glasses until I read an eye-opening article my aunt had written for Twins magazine. In it, she expressed how important she felt it was for siblings who, by chance, had been born together be allowed to develop as the individuals they actually were.

In other words, although your daughters came in "one package," they were not joined at the hip physically or as personalities. If Alicia wishes to develop her individuality, she should certainly be allowed to do so. And consider this: Amanda may be so invested in her twinship that she is failing to do that -- which is unhealthy.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Bob" for almost 10 years. We recently moved 2,000 miles away from our families. My sister, "Lara," has been staying in our second bedroom because she has been down on her luck for a while.

Bob's mother and sister plan to visit us soon. Bob says Lara would be in the way of their visit. Bob thinks we should put Lara in a hotel room when they come. When he said it, it caught me by surprise.

I am very hurt by this. I haven't mentioned anything to Lara or said anything to Bob about how I feel. But I think he is being cruel and insensitive. Help! -- TORN BETWEEN FAMILIES

DEAR TORN: You and Bob need to talk. You have a bigger problem brewing than hurt feelings about the coming visit. You and Bob need to reach an understanding about how long Lara will be occupying your guest room -- period.

Bob would like to entertain his family as well as yours on a more equal basis. That is neither cruel nor insensitive. As things stand, it would be impractical to move your sister to a hotel -- particularly if all her belongings are in your guest room. Therefore, during this visit, Bob's mother and sister should stay in a hotel. However, there should be a definite move-out date for your sister. Fair is fair.

CONFIDENTIAL TO PAULINE PHILLIPS IN MINNEAPOLIS: Happy 89th birthday to the sweetest mother in the world. The most beautiful fireworks display in the sky tonight will be for you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a former junior high and high school teacher. I do not agree with your advice to "Deflowered in Pennsylvania" (May 2), the 28-year-old who made some "poor choices" as a teenager and is no longer a virgin. She is dating "Chris," a 26-year-old man who is saving himself for marriage and wants to marry a virgin. You told her that because Chris needs time to think about this discrepancy, she should move on.

Abby, the young woman explained that after a religious conversion, she is now saving future sexual activity for marriage. She should not feel devalued. Chris' response was honest. She needs to allow him to grow and reassess how he treats the value they both agree on -- that sex is for marriage.

Remember, Chris said he still likes her and wants to continue dating her. That makes him the one who has opted for no change in the relationship. "Deflowered" should stress to him that she has become that "sweet old-fashioned girl" who upholds traditional values, and that her conversion has helped her to understand the consequences of uncommitted sex. If Chris can broaden his thinking, they might make a great couple. -- SWEET OLD GIRL

DEAR SWEET OLD GIRL: Passions raged in the responses I received about that letter. Many readers felt as you do, that the couple has more in common than they realize and should stay together.

Others thought the issue would irrevocably tarnish the relationship. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Virginity is not an easy commitment to keep, and it's not surprising that Chris needs time to think about what "Deflowered" has told him. No doubt he has consoled himself in difficult times with the thought of giving his beloved the gift of his virginity and having her give him the same gift. Finding himself in love with someone who doesn't exactly fit that ideal would be a big adjustment.

They should seek the advice of a pastor or counselor who shares their faith. Chris may be able to see that, today, "Deflowered" is the woman of his dreams, even if she isn't the personification of his boyhood dreams of years ago. -- KATHY IN COLORADO

DEAR ABBY: People don't make a fuss if someone says they want a partner with the same education or background, so why take Chris to task for having standards? It is not his fault that while he chose to save himself, she did not make the same choice.

Everyone has a right to their own principles in a relationship. That young man should be applauded for holding himself to the same standard he expects from a future wife. If more people were similarly committed to their future relationships, we'd have fewer divorces and know more about our spouses before marriage. -- HOLDING OUT FOR MISS RIGHT

DEAR ABBY: I don't agree that the values of the two young people are so different. Perhaps "Deflowered" made a one-time mistake on her prom night or on a high school drinking binge. She was young and made a mistake. Cut her some slack! If Chris truly is marriage material, he will too.

I lost my virginity when I was 14. Twenty years later, I married a 33-year-old virgin. We couldn't be happier. -- G.B. IN MINNESOTA

DEAR ABBY: I am also 28, and until recently I was like Chris. I wanted my first time to be on my wedding night. That's a beautiful ideal, and I applaud anyone who continues to keep it. But I also think we have to allow ourselves to be human and to change.

People are not "devalued" because they have lost their virginity. On the contrary, I feel enriched and blessed. I waited until I knew I was ready, and it felt right. My partner has taken excellent emotional care of me in all my "firsts" with him, and I will never, for one instant, regret a moment of the time we have had together. -- LISA IN THE MIDWEST

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were trying to park our car in a crowded downtown lot. The line of cars trying to get in wrapped around the block. Each car in line had to circle around until someone left because no parking spaces were available.

When we finally got to drive in, we drove to the only open spot. However, a woman had jumped out of a car that was still on the street and was standing in the spot to save it for her companion. My husband lowered the window and reminded her that because she did not have a vehicle, she was blocking traffic. She angrily told him that her car was "just around the corner" and threatened to call the cops if we didn't keep driving. My husband didn't raise his voice. He once again asked her to move because she had cut in line.

Finally, after she began to go into a tirade, we gave up and circled for another 10 minutes until another spot opened. Was my husband out of line for asking her to move? What would you have done in that situation? -- UNSURE OF THE RULES, BEASLEY, TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: Your husband was not out of line in asking the woman to move. She was nervy and wrong to block traffic and take advantage. And if the police had been summoned, they probably would have backed you up.

What would I have done in that situation? Had I been behind the wheel, I would have been tempted to very ... slowly ... continue ... parking my car ... until she either moved or I squashed her like a bug against the wall or the car in front. (That's why my husband does most of the driving when we're together.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother is 68, financially stable and living alone. She has had emotional problems throughout her life and has ended up alienating most of her children. I'm the only one who checks on her regularly, and I'm worried sick.

Mom is withering away. She's 4 foot 11 and admits to weighing only 76 pounds. She's not eating right, and a lifetime of smoking has caught up with her. She has difficulty breathing, but won't see the doctor. Most days she doesn't have the strength to even carry in a bag of groceries. I call her often, and the neighbors watch out for her, but her house is falling down around her, trash is piling up, and it's not a healthy place to be.

I have never gone against my mother. I tried an intervention with one of my sisters; it only alienated Mother. Someone has to step in before the fire department has to break in and finds her dead on the floor.

Can I legally step in and take care of her? We have an extra room she could live in. We could move her to assisted living. No one wants to make the first move, and if I don't do this right, Mother may never speak to me again. -- WORRIED DAUGHTER, FAYETTEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR WORRIED DAUGHTER: Which would be worse -- a miffed mother or one dead from neglect? Contact your nearest senior services center and talk to a social worker who has geriatric training.

In many communities, these social workers can contact and befriend isolated seniors, and see they get the help they need to remain independent as long as possible. If the senior citizen centers can't help you, get in touch with your local Area Agency on Aging to determine what other services might be available to help your mother. Only as a last resort should you try to become her conservator because the process can be difficult, and you might not succeed.