Unfortunately, Amanda disagrees. Because they have all matching outfits and share a room, Amanda just waits until Alicia gets dressed and puts on the same outfit. This results in arguments every morning.
Amanda suggested what I thought was a fair compromise: They would dress alike on alternate days. However, Alicia insists that if she wants to dress differently, she should be able to do so every day. What would you recommend? -- TWINS' MOM IN BELLEVUE, WASH.
DEAR TWINS' MOM: Let me share a page from my family album. My mother, Pauline Esther, and my aunt, Esther Pauline, were identical twins. They dressed in identical outfits and shared the same bed until their double wedding. They looked so much alike that when they would double date, they would switch dates in the middle of the evening and no one was the wiser.
My mother loved being an identical twin and regarded "twinning" as an asset. My aunt, on the other hand, yearned to be regarded as an individual.
I had always viewed twinship through my mother's rose-colored glasses until I read an eye-opening article my aunt had written for Twins magazine. In it, she expressed how important she felt it was for siblings who, by chance, had been born together be allowed to develop as the individuals they actually were.
In other words, although your daughters came in "one package," they were not joined at the hip physically or as personalities. If Alicia wishes to develop her individuality, she should certainly be allowed to do so. And consider this: Amanda may be so invested in her twinship that she is failing to do that -- which is unhealthy.