DEAR ABBY: My husband and I were trying to park our car in a crowded downtown lot. The line of cars trying to get in wrapped around the block. Each car in line had to circle around until someone left because no parking spaces were available.

When we finally got to drive in, we drove to the only open spot. However, a woman had jumped out of a car that was still on the street and was standing in the spot to save it for her companion. My husband lowered the window and reminded her that because she did not have a vehicle, she was blocking traffic. She angrily told him that her car was "just around the corner" and threatened to call the cops if we didn't keep driving. My husband didn't raise his voice. He once again asked her to move because she had cut in line.

Finally, after she began to go into a tirade, we gave up and circled for another 10 minutes until another spot opened. Was my husband out of line for asking her to move? What would you have done in that situation? -- UNSURE OF THE RULES, BEASLEY, TEXAS

DEAR UNSURE: Your husband was not out of line in asking the woman to move. She was nervy and wrong to block traffic and take advantage. And if the police had been summoned, they probably would have backed you up.

What would I have done in that situation? Had I been behind the wheel, I would have been tempted to very ... slowly ... continue ... parking my car ... until she either moved or I squashed her like a bug against the wall or the car in front. (That's why my husband does most of the driving when we're together.)

DEAR ABBY: My mother is 68, financially stable and living alone. She has had emotional problems throughout her life and has ended up alienating most of her children. I'm the only one who checks on her regularly, and I'm worried sick.

Mom is withering away. She's 4 foot 11 and admits to weighing only 76 pounds. She's not eating right, and a lifetime of smoking has caught up with her. She has difficulty breathing, but won't see the doctor. Most days she doesn't have the strength to even carry in a bag of groceries. I call her often, and the neighbors watch out for her, but her house is falling down around her, trash is piling up, and it's not a healthy place to be.

I have never gone against my mother. I tried an intervention with one of my sisters; it only alienated Mother. Someone has to step in before the fire department has to break in and finds her dead on the floor.

Can I legally step in and take care of her? We have an extra room she could live in. We could move her to assisted living. No one wants to make the first move, and if I don't do this right, Mother may never speak to me again. -- WORRIED DAUGHTER, FAYETTEVILLE, N.C.

DEAR WORRIED DAUGHTER: Which would be worse -- a miffed mother or one dead from neglect? Contact your nearest senior services center and talk to a social worker who has geriatric training.

In many communities, these social workers can contact and befriend isolated seniors, and see they get the help they need to remain independent as long as possible. If the senior citizen centers can't help you, get in touch with your local Area Agency on Aging to determine what other services might be available to help your mother. Only as a last resort should you try to become her conservator because the process can be difficult, and you might not succeed.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a professional costume wearer. By that, I mean I have been an elf, a giraffe, a moose, T-Rex and a character for a major hamburger chain. I am presently a character for a major cereal company. Once I am in costume, I am not allowed to speak.

Adults and older children think nothing of hitting me, kicking me, pulling at parts of my costume, and trying to knock me down. One 12-year-old even tried to "head butt" me while his father looked on and encouraged him!

I am in costume for about an hour or so before I can take breaks. It gets hot and sweaty inside these costumes. I have a limited field of vision and can't see many of the oncoming attacks. Even if I saw each one, I would not be able to say anything to stop or deflect these random attacks. What I do is have a paid "helper" walk beside me. This is now discouraging such actions by adults and children.

I would ask parents to please remember that there are real people inside these costumes, which are not heavily padded. I feel each and every hit and kick as if I were wearing street clothes. Thanks for printing this. -- H.S. IN COLORADO

DEAR H.S.: You have my sympathy, and I am seconding your request. That a parent would encourage such poor behavior incenses me. You should not have had to hire a "bodyguard" to protect you.

I find it interesting, however, that the children who are acting out against you do not regard you as another human being. It seems they have mistaken you for the same kind of cartoon character they see on television -- probably too much television -- against whom violence is committed with no repercussions. (I'm reminded of the "Mr. Bill" character that was once featured on "Saturday Night Live.")

One of my assistants, who has occasionally dressed as a chimp in her work as a docent at the L.A. Zoo, tells me that this is one of the hazards in your line of work. Call me humorless, but to me, assault and battery are criminal behaviors -- and if someone I cared about were subjected to it, I would be very concerned.

DEAR ABBY: I hope you will print this as a favor to recent college graduates.

The proper way to obtain a reference for a prospective job employer is to first ask permission from the person you want to recommend you.

Had my friend's daughter done that, I would have told her honestly that her lack of discipline and integrity would be a hindrance in getting this job. The form I received from the employer asked, "Would you hire this person?" I had to say no.

Never "surprise" anyone by giving their name as a referral. Always ask first. -- PUT ON THE SPOT IN HOUSTON

DEAR PUT ON THE SPOT: That's good advice -- and I'm pleased to pass it along. What your friend's daughter did was presumptuous. And if you had lied for her, and the young woman did not work out because of discipline or integrity issues -- the person who would have lost credibility would have been you.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: My 13-year-old daughter, "Laurel," was given a surprise party (friends, snacks, movie -- nothing big, but a very nice gesture) in celebration of her no longer needing crutches. (Laurel had had surgery and had been on crutches for six weeks.)

At the end of the night, the host's mother handed Laurel a few gifts that friends had left for her. The cards indicated that they thought this was a birthday party. The gifts were substantial -- a Coach wristlet, $25 gift cards, etc. Her surprise party had been organized by her friend, also a 13-year-old, but apparently he failed to tell everyone who was invited that it wasn't a birthday party and there was no need for gifts.

What should Laurel do with the gifts? This is very awkward, and I'm not sure how to handle it. What is the procedure for receiving gifts for the wrong reason?

Laurel received gifts from three of the 15 guests; the party was last night and my daughter must respond to the situation ASAP -- whether it be with a thank-you note, a phone call, etc. Please help us. -- LAUREL'S MOM IN N.J.

DEAR LAUREL'S MOM: Your daughter should call the friends who gave her gifts thinking it was her birthday and thank them, but she should also offer to return the items because it wasn't her birthday and the party was not a gift-giving occasion. It's possible that Laurel will be told to just keep them, in which case a thank-you note would be in order. She should also write a gracious thank-you note to the friend who threw her the party.

DEAR ABBY: I am being married in three months. Now I am wondering what the process is for letting friends and family know where we are registered. I read somewhere that it is not appropriate to include this information on the invitation. Is this true? -- POLLY IN POCATELLO, IDAHO

DEAR POLLY: Yes, it's true. And you probably read it in my column. This is how the information should properly be shared:

1. The invitations are sent out.

2. When the RSVP cards are returned, those who plan on attending should contact you or your fiance and ask where you are registered.

3. At that time, the information should be transmitted verbally.

4. Because many couples set up Web pages with all the information about the wedding -- including where they are registered -- prospective guests can be referred to the Web page.

DEAR ABBY: I am recently separated from my husband of nine years, "Carl." We live in a small suburb, and are both very involved in our community. Several of our mutual friends have taken it upon themselves to give me a running commentary on what Carl is doing, where they saw him, who he was with, etc. I am sure they do the same to him.

Abby, I really have no desire to get daily updates on Carl or his whereabouts. How can I politely let our friends know I'd rather not hear their stories? -- HAD IT IN HUMBLE, TEXAS

DEAR HAD IT: The next time someone brings up the subject of your soon-to-be-ex, say, "Stop! That is a closed chapter, and I'd prefer not to hear any more information about Carl and what he's up to." If they are true friends, they will respect your wishes.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)