DEAR ABBY: "Pregnant and Paranoid in Calif." (May 6) is rightfully troubled by the unwanted touching of her abdomen by strangers. When they do it, she should back away and gently remind them that it makes her uncomfortable. What she needs to know is that touching a woman's belly is a deeply rooted instinctual behavior. It is as natural as pulling your hand away from a fire. -- GAYLE FROM SCOTTS, MICH.

DEAR GAYLE: My mail was divided on this. Some readers agreed with "Pregnant and Paranoid," and others felt she needed to "chill out." Others suspected that she might be advertising her pregnancy by the type of maternity clothes she was wearing. A few of the responses gave me a belly laugh. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: In my culture (Hispanic), it is considered good luck to touch something you admire so that no harm comes to it. I'm sure no one intends to offend the expectant mother. In fact, it's thought to be positive karma (mojo). On the flip side, she can always say, "My tummy is like the Museum of Fine Art: Look, but don't touch." It's cute and will get her point across. -- ANGELICA IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: The fascination with a pregnant belly probably has ancient cultural origins. It was local custom in the Philippines for a pregnant woman to take the hand of a handsome man or beautiful woman and place it on her own budding abdomen, hoping to transfer those traits to her incubating child.

She should relax and enjoy a little gratuitous physical contact; some people have to pay big money for it -- like with massage or chiropractic. -- "WILL" ZAHAN, M.D., CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: When I was pregnant, I was treated like a queen. People opened doors for me, helped me with bags, acted as traffic guards as I crossed the street, and yes, patted my belly. It helped me realize that a pregnant woman carries an important "package," not just for her family but for the whole community. Children are a precious gift for all humanity, and I think that's why people feel warmed by the sight of a pregnant woman and reach out to give an encouraging rub. -- LOVED BEING PREGNANT (PATS AND ALL) IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR ABBY: Does "Pregnant and Paranoid" wear today's ridiculously tight clothing that is so in now? The clothing that I have seen pregnant women wear advertises their protruding bellies and, in my opinion, encourages people to notice and admire their bellies, implying there's an open invitation to touch them. -- OLD-FASHIONED GRANDMA IN SOUTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: A modest top that hides the baby-belly sends the message, "This baby is my private business" and will not attract the kind of unwanted attention that "Pregnant and Paranoid" described. -- HANA IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: I went through three pregnancies in 2 1/2 years, and I got sick and tired of complete strangers putting their hands on me.

To avoid it during my second pregnancy, I had a few T-shirts made. They read: "This is not public property." "Touch my belly and I get to touch yours." "Sure you can feel the baby. It'll cost you a dollar!" It got my point across without my having to be rude or confrontational. -- PROUD MOM IN WICHITA

DEAR ABBY: My favorite maternity T-shirt slogan is one I saw online -- "If you didn't put it here, don't touch it!" -- 22 WEEKS PREGNANT IN SEATTLE

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am a 33-year-old virgin, and I have never been to a gynecologist. My regular doctor said I should make an appointment to see one. That was a year or so ago. She said it was to "make sure everything was OK."

I have made the appointments, but each time, I chicken out at the last minute and cancel because I have heard that a Pap test is done and it is painful. My best friend said she cried when she had hers done. She said it hurt really bad.

I had anxiety that was really bad two years ago because of big changes in my life. Three of my uncles and two of my cousins died within months of each other. I don't want my anxiety to flare up again. Little things make me anxious, and I am thinking this might trigger an episode.

Should a woman see a gynecologist even if she is not sexually active? Also, do you bleed after a Pap test is done? Thanks, Abby! -- SCARED IN BROOKLYN

DEAR SCARED: A woman should be seen by a gynecologist if she is sexually active, or if she has reached the age of 18. She should DEFINITELY see one if her regular doctor tells her to -- so please start acting like the 33-year-old adult you are and stop listening to "horror stories" from friends. Pap smears are not painful, and women do not normally bleed after having one.

When you arrive at the gynecologist's office, a medical history will be taken -- at which time you should inform the doctor (or nurse) that you are not sexually active. Accommodations will be made for that. You will not be hurt, and everything will be fine. Now get moving, and no more excuses!

DEAR ABBY: I am an 11-year-old girl in sixth grade. My problem is there's this girl, "Stacey," who is in Special Ed who gets picked on every day. My friends pick on her a lot, and it makes me disgusted because Stacey doesn't have any control over how she was born.

Today, my friends and I were playing a game to see who could get the most hugs, and I went up to Stacey who was sitting outside alone like always and gave her a hug. Then my friends started giving her hugs, and it made me so happy to see the look on her face! She was smiling with pure joy.

Abby, if you put this in your column, could you tell people that just giving a hug to someone who doesn't normally get one might make their day? Also, can you tell me how to get my friends to stop bullying her? Thanks a lot! -- HUGS ANONYMOUS IN ILLINOIS

DEAR HUGS ANONYMOUS: You are a wise young lady and sensitive beyond your years. The comment you made about Stacey not having control over how she was born is right on target. It also applies to people's race, religion and gender -- other reasons why people face discrimination.

One way to get your friends to stop bullying Stacey would be to speak out and say that it isn't funny when she is being picked on, and to point out that what they're doing is cowardly and wrong and makes you uncomfortable. You are a born leader, and if enough people follow your lead, the bullying will stop.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter says that if someone seasons a dish she has prepared, it is an insult to her. I say that as the hostess, she should graciously ignore it. Who is right? -- FAITHFUL READER, TATUM, TEXAS

DEAR FAITHFUL READER: If a guest seasons a dish that his/her hostess has prepared before tasting it, then I would consider the gesture to be insulting. However, if the guest has tasted it, I see nothing wrong with adding salt or pepper to accommodate that person's personal preference. Not everyone has the same taste -- and that's why salt and pepper shakers are placed on the table.

DEAR ABBY: My daughter says that if someone seasons a dish she has prepared, it is an insult to her. I say that as the hostess, she should graciously ignore it. Who is right? -- FAITHFUL READER, TATUM, TEXAS

DEAR FAITHFUL READER: If a guest seasons a dish that his/her hostess has prepared before tasting it, then I would consider the gesture to be insulting. However, if the guest has tasted it, I see nothing wrong with adding salt or pepper to accommodate that person's personal preference. Not everyone has the same taste -- and that's why salt and pepper shakers are placed on the table.

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Too Tired in Parkville, Mo." (April 27), who said she is "not a morning person," but who has been assigned additional early-morning tasks at work. I, too, am a night owl. Give me a graveyard shift, and I am a happy camper. However, as a single mother of two children, that has never been an option.

I used to have a rough time in the mornings. (I would fall asleep over my keyboard on a regular basis.) I finally sought help from a doctor and learned that my daytime sleepiness was actually from a medical condition. I recommend that "Too Tired" speak to a physician to find out if there is an underlying cause for her sleepiness. -- AWAKE WITH THE SUNRISE, KEIZER, ORE.

DEAR AWAKE: The responses I received to that letter were as different as night and day! Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Your advice to "Too Tired in Parkville" was excellent. I realize that some people are not "morning people," but the comment she made about being unable to function no matter how much sleep she had gotten the night before gave me pause.

To change the body clock, one must go to bed at the same time every day, not just the night before one's shift. Eventually, one's body will adjust. However, if the body doesn't adjust, she should check for other causes, like perhaps, sleep apnea. It's a serious medical condition. -- C.C. FROM TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: "Too Tired," should ask to change shifts. I am a manager for a major department store, and we encourage our employees to work the shift that fits them the best. I am an owl. I manage the night shift, the time that is best-suited for me.

All companies want the best productivity from their people, and if changing shifts will improve the person's performance, then I do not know any boss who would not welcome the shift change, especially if the employee is an asset to the company. -- DIANE IN SECAUCUS, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: You know what? I think "Too Tired" needs to suck it up and do the job assigned to her. Most jobs are based on the premise that you wake up early, go to work and get home for dinner. In college you can schedule classes to start at 3 in the afternoon if you want, sleep in and enjoy your mornings.

It's time for "Too Tired" to learn that the majority of people go to work in the morning, and she should get used to it. -- DIANA IN SAN FRANCISCO

DEAR ABBY: As an employer, I read that letter and noticed flaws in the writer's work ethic. She stated that she's just out of college and has a part-time job in her field that has been "easy and laid-back." When her employer "upgraded" her responsibilities with no pay raise, her problems began.

Abby, she is being tested by her employer. If she's working in her preferred field, she's going to make a name for herself -- a good one or a bad one. It's up to her to prove herself regardless of whether she's a morning person or not. Period! -- CHEYNE IN GRAND RAPIDS, MICH.

DEAR ABBY: "Too Tired" needs to change her attitude. Someday she may have to feed a child at all hours of the day or night, and the fact that she's "not a morning person" just doesn't cut it.

Do you think that farmers who get up at 5 a.m. to milk the cows are all morning people? They just do what has to be done. I bet the incentive of a large paycheck would make her a morning person in a New York minute. -- JOAN H., SOUTH CAROLINA

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