DEAR ABBY: "Needs to Be Active" (April 25) wrote that after more than 20 years as a nurse's aide, she feels that no one wants to hire her because she is older. Abby, she does not have an age discrimination problem; she has a marketing and self-promotion problem!

If her experience and abilities are as stated, her skills are in strong demand across the country. People are not "given" jobs -- they have to go after jobs. She should join a local business networking group; visit doctors' offices and leave promotional handouts with her contact information; get to know nurses and staff at hospitals and senior centers and ask for referrals; introduce herself to the H.R. department at large local businesses (where employees frequently need help with ailing parents); call disability insurance companies and learn how to get on their list of recommended home nurses; advertise in the classified ads section of the local paper; and seek help from a business coach or marketing expert. "Needs" has a business problem; she needs a business solution. -- JIM P., PROMOTION EXPERT IN FLORIDA

DEAR JIM: Thank you for your terrific suggestions. And thank you to the many readers who wrote to offer the writer of that letter (and others like her) advice, ideas and a pep talk. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I would recommend the nurse's aide check with her local department of senior services. The government is providing more programs to help people stay at home instead of going into nursing homes. Many private agencies now offer in-home care services and are looking for full- and part-time caretakers. These companies are growing at an amazing rate and would be a great match for her. -- MARY IN MISSOURI

DEAR ABBY: I'd like to spread the word about an important program of the Department of Labor. Senior Community Services Employment Program (SCSEP) allows financially eligible people 55 and older to train 20 hours a week and receive minimum wage at local nonprofits. Seniors can acquire and update skills to help them obtain unsubsidized employment.

With the older workforce growing and a decrease in the younger one, hiring and retaining older workers will become a priority for many employers. The Department of Labor has information about SCSEP on its Web site: www.doleta.gov/seniors. -- PROGRAM DIRECTOR, MOBILE, ALA.

DEAR ABBY: If "Needs" can't get a job as a nurse's aide, then how about as a sitter? Many hospitals (and families) hire sitters to assist with confused patients who cannot be left alone in their rooms but do not need a nurse with them all the time.

Or how about sitting in the home? Many times a family just needs a break from Mom or Dad who is living with them and cannot be left alone. You would be amazed how many people would love a few hours' respite for lunch with a friend, etc. -- AN R.N. IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR ABBY: She should check with AARP. Before retiring, I worked for a government agency that has special positions that could be filled by AARP seniors. These employees were a valuable asset and were able to take home a paycheck while contributing their expertise to help others. -- PAT FROM CARLSBAD

DEAR ABBY: As director of nursing at an assisted-living community, I would like to encourage "Needs" to seek employment at one near her home. These communities often hire certified nursing assistants, and the work is less physically demanding and stressful than it is in a formal setting. -- ELKHART, IND., READER

DEAR ABBY: That woman should visit her beautician for a style update. Perhaps her hairstyle and wardrobe betray her age and turn off some prospective employers. She doesn't have to pretend to be 20, but a stylish, mature woman can make a smashing impression. -- YOUNG AT HEART IN BALTIMORE

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: I live next door to a 75-year-old man whose wife died a few months ago. I'm fairly new to the neighborhood and heard of his loss just before Easter. As a caring gesture, I took him a homemade casserole and left my number in case he needed help going to the store or a cup of coffee. Since then, he has been over once with flowers to chat and have coffee, and is now calling me every few days inviting me for lunch, a glass of wine, etc.

I am engaged to be married and he knows this, but my fiance lives in another town. I realize my neighbor is lonely, but he appears to be thinking romantically. I am 30 years his junior and busy with my life. I only just met him and have nothing to say except to listen, which would be OK if I didn't think he was looking for more.

When he was here for coffee, he kissed my forehead several times when he left and wanted several hugs. I feel so sorry for him, but I don't want to lead him on or hurt him more than he already has been. Could this man actually be thinking of another woman this soon after his wife's death? How should I handle this? Please reply ASAP! -- LUCY IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR LUCY: It is not unheard of for a widower (or a widow) to miss physical contact and companionship after the loss of a spouse, and start thinking romantically within months of her or his death. You were kind to reach out to comfort your neighbor in his grief, but the time has come to make it clear that you are not available for the kind of companionship he is looking for.

Remind him again that you are engaged to be married, and that he should find a grief support group that can help him work through his loss and re-establish a social life. To do so is neither rude nor unfeeling, and it may be the push in the right direction he needs to get moving with his life again -- because right now he is barking up the wrong tree.

CONFIDENTIAL TO MY READERS: An estimated 320,000 people who suffer from severe mental illness (schizophrenia, bipolar disorder and major depression with psychotic features) are incarcerated in our jails and prisons today.

If you or a member of your family has been diagnosed as "mentally ill" and has spent time in jail or prison, please write and tell me about it. Your first-hand experiences are needed for an important mental health study being done by an elite group of psychiatrists. Please address your letters to The C.P. Committee, Group for the Advancement of Psychiatry (GAP), Room 322, 701 W. Pratt St., Baltimore, MD 21201.

I want to thank you in advance for taking part in this important study. Your personal comments will help GAP to identify the seriousness and magnitude of this problem rooted in the mental health/justice fields. Your participation may help to effect major change in these areas, and have a profound impact on the treatment of many of our loved ones. Please share your comments today. -- LOVE, ABBY

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Thank you, thank you, for publishing the letter from "Ticked Off in Topeka, Kan." (April 18) concerning welfare fraud, including Section 8 housing fraud. I am an investigator for a housing authority, and our agency is dedicated to maintaining the integrity of the program and protecting the taxpayer dollars entrusted to us. Not a day goes by that I don't hear, "I don't want to get anyone in trouble, but ..."

Please let your readers know that if they call in with a fraud tip, they are not the ones who are getting anyone in trouble. The people who decided to commit the fraud or do the crime got themselves in trouble. The only way we can help the most people with our limited resources is by eliminating fraud and applying the rules and regulations fairly and equitably for everyone.

Quite often it is neighbors, friends and family members who are our eyes and ears. It is important that they let us know when someone is defrauding the system. No one will lose assistance just because of a tip. We investigate every case and, if proven, the tenants are given an opportunity to appeal and to have a hearing. There are too many families on the waiting list and too many people who need help for fraud to go unreported. -- INVESTIGATOR IN OKLAHOMA CITY

DEAR INVESTIGATOR: I hope "Ticked Off" will take your advice -- and mine -- and report this "friend" to the proper authorities. Many readers voiced their frustration, while others offered helpful suggestions. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: This makes me so mad! My family struggles each and every month with no public assistance. Abby, I don't want to be rich or live in a palace. I just want to go to bed each night knowing my kids' bellies are full and that they have a roof over their heads when the next night comes. We live on macaroni and cheese and ramen noodles, not steak and lobster. If this "friend" is committing fraud, I say report her, because if you are working and paying taxes into the welfare account, she's cheating you, too. -- KEEPING IT REAL IN KISSIMMEE

DEAR ABBY: Way to go, Abby! Americans need to stop overlooking the dishonesty they encounter. Thank you for encouraging "Ticked Off" to take a stand. -- G.M., MONTROSE, COLO.

DEAR ABBY: Please let "Ticked Off" know that if her friend is receiving Section 8 subsidies, her actions may be a federal offense. As a former attorney for a housing authority, I used to receive numerous tips from third parties regarding fraud. If she is concerned, she should contact the local housing authority and ask to speak with the investigations department. A tip may be made anonymously.

There is more at stake here than just her conscience. If a housing authority loses its funding, many innocent families and children suffer needlessly. She should do the right thing and speak up. -- A READER IN N.J.

DEAR ABBY: I have worked for the Section 8 program administered by the state of Michigan for more than 20 years. This federally funded program is intended for the aid of the elderly, disabled individuals and low-income families. A thief who steals from Section 8 is also stealing from those in our society who most desperately need our help. Complaints of fraud should be submitted to HUD by calling the toll-free number: (800) 347-3735. -- ALSO TICKED OFF, LANSING, MICH.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)