DEAR ABBY: We have a 17-year-old granddaughter who has not spoken to us in six months. We sent "Tiffany" a Christmas card with a $50 check inside and she didn't even call to thank us. (She cashed the check immediately, though.)

We received an invitation to her graduation. It was sent by her mother (I know the handwriting). My husband says we should not go to her graduation because she hasn't called us in six months, even to say hello. He says we should just send a nice card with no money.

Please help me. What should I do? Tiffany is my grand-daughter, and I don't want to do the wrong thing. (She does have an attitude!) -- FAITHFUL READER IN NASHVILLE

DEAR FAITHFUL READER: If you think Tiffany has an attitude now, just wait until she doesn't receive what she thinks is coming to her.

While it is not unusual for many people her age to be centered on themselves and not stay in touch with a visit or a phone call, your granddaughter was rude not to acknowledge the money you sent her for Christmas. What you choose to do about this, in addition to telling her mother, will depend upon how much backbone you have. I'll say this: If you do not attend the graduation, it's a lesson she'll remember for the rest of her life.

DEAR ABBY: How should one respond to a gift of flowers that either aren't satisfactory or die shortly after arrival? Should the recipient contact the giver or the florist? I recently gifted flowers to a family member and received no fewer than four phone calls in 24 hours expressing disgust at the quality of the gift.

I have taken care of the issue with the florist, but I am a bit taken aback at the response I received from the recipient. -- FRUSTRATED OVER FLOWERS, SUFFOLK, VA.

DEAR FRUSTRATED: Four phone calls in 24 hours from one person complaining about the flowers? I'd call that overkill. The recipient was right in letting you know that you did not get your money's worth in the gift that you sent. (How else would you know?) But you should have been thanked for the thought and for your generosity, as well as informed that you might want to change florists.

DEAR ABBY: I have had four years of really bad luck. Is there a proven method to end this streak? How is it that some folks are lucky at almost everything they do, and then there is someone like me who could really use some good luck? Any suggestions? If positive thinking is your answer, please explain that concept. -- CONNIE IN COLORADO SPRINGS

DEAR CONNIE: There is a theory that positive thinking attracts positive results. In other words, if you approach each day with an optimistic attitude, you will become more energetic, clearer in your thought process and nicer to be around. (More people around you creates more opportunities for success.)

Conversely, negative thinking can cause negative results. People who think negatively walk around with a black cloud over their heads, and people tend to avoid them. They can also become so burdened with their depression that they fail to recognize and take advantage of opportunities that come their way.

TO FATHERS EVERYWHERE -- BIRTH FATHERS, STEPFATHERS, FOSTER FATHERS, TOO: Happy Father's Day, one and all! And to my father, Morton Phillips in Minneapolis, a Happy Father's Day to my one and only "Pop."

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I have a 25-year-old sister, "Sheila," who has three beautiful children. The problem is, she does not care about herself, her kids or her family.

My mother has raised Sheila's oldest off and on since he was 8 months old. He is now 9. Sheila constantly yells, "I can't stand him! He makes me sick!" She has even gone so far as telling the boy she hates him. I have tried telling her that he is only a child. I tell her God blessed her with the ability to have children, and she should be thankful she has them. She just tunes me out.

Add to that the fact that Sheila beats our mother at times. Our stepdad died last year, and a week after the funeral my sister came in and beat up Mother.

I don't know what's going on, and the family is scared to confront her anymore because she gets really mean. Any help would be appreciated. -- CONCERNED SISTER IN KENTUCKY

DEAR CONCERNED SISTER: Sheila could be mentally ill, drug-addicted or a rage-a-holic. If she would raise a hand to her mother, what might she be doing to her children? From your description of your sister's state of mind, it is possible that all the children should be removed from the home. Child Protective Services can make a determination. And if she raises a hand to your mother one more time, the police should be summoned immediately.

DEAR ABBY: I moved to Texas two years ago and met a guy there. We dated for a year, but I was never that interested in him.

I have recently moved back to California and have met someone now who I am very much in love with. I sent my "ex" an e-mail, telling him that I do not want to be with him anymore, but he thinks I am joking. I have been getting e-mails and calls from him nonstop every day since I sent the e-mail. I cannot ignore him anymore. How do I tell him to leave me alone? -- BECOMING UNEASY IN EAST PALO ALTO, CALIF.

DEAR BECOMING UNEASY: You did not say how long you have been involved with the "someone new," but if you recently returned to California, it cannot have been very long. Perhaps that is why your "ex" is having trouble believing it.

Write this "guy" one more e-mail. Tell him again that you are no longer interested in him, that you are now involved with someone else and that you want no more communication. If he persists, block his e-mails and change your phone number if necessary.

DEAR ABBY: My father-in-law has recently requested that when he dies, he be cremated and his ashes divided between his two daughters. My wife is his oldest, and she is not sure what to do. She loves her father very much, but feels that his ashes are just "ashes." She says it is his soul or spirit that makes him who he is, so she is reluctant to keep them. But she is uncomfortable about ignoring his wishes. What should we do? -- FRETTING IN FORT SMITH, ARK.

DEAR FRETTING: When something is "bequeathed," it is a gift. And when a gift is given, it belongs to the recipient to do with as she wishes. Your wife is under no obligation to hang onto her father's ashes in perpetuity. If she prefers to scatter them, have them interred or made into a piece of art or jewelry, the choice is hers. She should listen to her heart. It will tell her what to do when the time comes.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My fiancee and I are being married in September. Last December I asked a longtime friend, "Mitch," to be a groomsman. We have been close ever since we met in middle school 20 years ago. Mitch and I were still close until about three years ago, when he married and moved out of state. (I was in his wedding party and attended his rehearsal dinner.)

Last week, Mitch informed me that he won't be attending our rehearsal dinner because he will be attending another event that same evening. He will be coming in from out of state and plans to go to his nephew's football game instead. He said he doesn't feel it's necessary to be at the rehearsal since he has "done it before and knows what to do."

I do not feel that Mitch has taken into account the fact that it is not just the formality of rehearsing, but that his presence means as much to me as his being at the wedding. He said he will be glad to step aside if this is not acceptable, but this creates problems, as I do not have anyone else to ask, other than someone I have no history with. Am I making a bigger deal out of this than necessary? -- HURT IN LEANDER, TEXAS

DEAR HURT: I don't blame you for feeling hurt. Part of being a member of a wedding party is to support your friend in any way you can -- and that includes showing up for celebrations and preparations.

It should be clear to you by now that Mitch no longer feels as close to you as he did before he moved out of state and on with his life. If you want him to be a groomsman because he symbolizes a period of your life, let him show up for the ceremony and stand up with you. However, had this happened to me, I would invite someone else to take his place. Mitch has demonstrated what his priorities are, and they are not those of a close friend.

P.S. Be grateful that he gave you enough warning that he can be replaced.

DEAR ABBY: I feel sorry for a friend of my husband's. "Joey" is a really nice guy, but his wife is driving him over the edge. She's obsessive-compulsive and, despite their financial problems, refuses to get a job. She says her mother never had to work and she shouldn't either.

They went to three sessions of marriage counseling, and she refused to go back because their therapist told her she had a serious problem. She told her mom what the therapist said, and they agreed he must be a quack.

Joey is so worried about having to pay alimony and child support that he won't leave, but he confided to my husband that he has thought about doing something to himself. Any advice? -- BONNIE IN MICHIGAN

DEAR BONNIE: The economic realities are very different for today's generation of women than they were when Joey's mother-in-law was married. If you and your husband haven't already suggested it, you should urge Joey to seek professional help -- not for his marriage, but for his sanity.

Instead of aiming his frustrations and anger where they belong, he is turning them back on himself and in the form of self-destructive impulses. Counseling will help him regain his perspective. And consulting an attorney will give him a more realistic view of what his responsibilities will be if his marriage cannot be saved. Both will do him a world of good. Please urge him not to wait.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)