DEAR ABBY: I am 17 years old and believe I am suffering from chronic depression. I am very emotional and cry a lot. I get good grades, and people say I'm a great baby sitter, but I feel that I'm not good at anything else.

My younger sister, who is 15, is very outgoing and has a lot of friends. I have only a few, so I get jealous.

Now I have started gaining weight to the point that I am no longer "skinny."

About four months ago, my best friend of two years and I stopped getting along, and we haven't spoken since.

I have had counseling for two years. I go every three months, but nothing is changing. Both my parents feel that it is a waste of money. I try to talk to them sometimes, but they just take it as a joke. I am confused about everything, and I am so lonely. Do you have any advice? -- HURTING IN PENNSYLVANIA

DEAR HURTING: Yes, I do. Depression, increasing isolation and low self-esteem are problems that require counseling on a more regular basis than every three months, and possible medication in addition. If the person you are seeing hasn't recognized that the sessions haven't helped you, then it's time for another evaluation with another therapist. Please show this to your parents and tell them the letter was written by you. You need more help than I can give you in a letter.

DEAR ABBY: Eight months ago I lost my job in Indiana. I moved here to be with my fiancee, "Michelle," and take a job I was offered. It meant leaving my 10-year-old daughter behind. (She lives with her mother, my ex.)

Since then, I have been offered a job back in Indiana where, if I take it, I can reunite with my daughter and other family. Michelle and I aren't getting along well, and I love my daughter dearly and truly miss her. I feel like I have let her down. She calls daily -- sometimes crying -- begging me to move back home to be with her.

I want to move back home and be with my daughter, but on the other hand, I don't want to hurt Michelle. Someone has to be hurt in this decision I must make. Can you give me some direction here? -- SUFFERING IN OREGON

DEAR SUFFERING: Talk to Michelle. It may not be necessary for "someone" to be hurt, if she is willing to move back to Indiana with you and find another job. If, however, she is not willing to do that, then you will have to decide which relationship is more important to you -- that with your daughter, or the one you have with your fiancee.

DEAR ABBY: I work as a hotel clerk. How should I address our guests when they check out? I normally tell them to "have a good day," but when they are here for a funeral I feel uncomfortable saying this. Please advise. -- "SUNNY" IN HILLSDALE, MICH.

DEAR "SUNNY": If someone has been staying in your hotel because of a funeral, say, "Thank you for staying with us. I hope you'll consider staying here again the next time you're in town." It will let the person know you are grateful for the business, and plant a seed that could benefit the hotel at a later date.

Abby shares more than 100 of her favorite recipes in two booklets: "Abby's Favorite Recipes" and "More Favorite Recipes by Dear Abby." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $12 (U.S. funds)

to: Dear Abby -- Cookbooklet Set, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in price.)

DEAR ABBY: "Heartbroken in Westchester, Pa." (April 9) said she had just broken up with an emotionally abusive man who withheld affection from her because he wanted her to lose weight. She went on to say she was working on her master's in counseling psychology, and couldn't understand why she had tolerated his emotional abuse for nine months. She said she could hear his put-downs over and over, and knew it was self-destructive but couldn't let it go.

Please tell her that the best weight she ever lost was the burden of "Shallow Hal." Unfortunately, I married a man much like him. His favorite pastime was degrading my career choice. (I'm in the military and have been for 19 years.) Your comment, "trying to win an unwinnable man," hit me like a ton of bricks.

Thankfully, I was only with my husband nine months before I came to my senses, but the damage to my self-esteem and trust was severe. I got help through both military and civilian resources, and went on two anti-depressants for depression and insomnia for six months -- enough time to get it through my head that it wasn't my issue, it was his.

Please tell "Heartbroken" there are men out there who will love and appreciate her for who she is, not how much she weighs. -- PROUD OF MYSELF IN SAN ANTONIO

DEAR PROUD: I'm pleased you managed to get away while your self-esteem, though tattered, was repairable. Not surprisingly, "Heartbroken's" letter hit a nerve with many readers who took pen in hand to vent. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a different angle on why "Heartbroken" put up with "Shallow Hal's" comments and ultimatums: Our society treats fat people so badly that she didn't think she deserved any better. The messages were just more of what she heard all the time.

The message from ads and magazines is that being fat is almost a sin or a crime. This is brainwashing, and undoing it takes a lot of work. Until we do it, fat people will always settle for less because we have internalized the message that we're less valuable people. -- B.B. IN YONKERS

DEAR ABBY: That woman's boyfriend was a bona fide jerk! She needs to learn from this episode so she can pass it on to her future clients. She should look at it as a life experience and warn her clients about the danger of people like this, and tell them to always be objective when evaluating a potential mate.

By the way, I'm a guy, and I would never do what that jerk has done. That's why I've been happily married for 30 years. -- GUY FROM TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: When my "Shallow Hal" told me I should lose weight because I wasn't attractive, I was in recovery from an eating disorder and had put on 50 pounds. I told him that if he didn't like me as I was, he should give Cindy Crawford a call to see if she would give him the time of day. Then I moved out of the apartment we shared and moved on.

I'm so glad I did, because three months later I met the man of my dreams, who loves me as I am and who still treats me like a queen after seven years together. -- HAPPY AS I AM, CALGARY, CANADA

DEAR ABBY: What "Heartbroken" is doing is allowing that man to "live rent-free in her head" and to win the mind games he has been playing with her. Every time she thinks of him, she should remember the phrase "rent-free in my head," and soon she won't even think of him. I have used this technique for years, and it works. -- WISHING HER LUCK IN CORDOVA, TENN.

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: I find myself in a head vs. heart situation. I have ended an emotionally draining relationship of more than 10 years. As I tried to find the courage to "move on," I found myself turning to a married woman who understood everything I had experienced and made me believe that she was also looking for the courage to change her situation. Our relationship grew into something more than it should have, considering her marital status -- and a considerable amount of time has passed.

I still believe she is my closest friend, but I don't know if I should continue to support her in the hope that she will make a change. Or is it time to face the realization that I have made a big mistake and try to cut my ties with this woman? I am at the point of near obsession with wondering if this vision in my heart will ever come true.

My heart says hold out; my head says back away. I'm looking for objective wisdom. -- BAFFLED IN WASHINGTON

DEAR BAFFLED: Please listen to your head. Listening to your heart has brought you to the point of near obsession. Obsession is not love; it is a sickness.

Time is the most precious gift we have, and you have already wasted enough of it. Face it: She wasn't your pot of gold at the end of the rainbow; she was your "comfort" station on the way to your destination. It's time to move on.

DEAR ABBY: I have been married for six years. It's the second marriage for both of us.

The issue arises when I open an e-mail from my family. My husband stands over my shoulder and reads it while I am reading it. I think it is rude, and he should not read it unless I invite him to. The e-mails are never about him and rarely contain anything I wouldn't share with him, but I think he should wait to be invited.

Since both our families live in the same town, sometimes a subject will be mentioned that is personal, and I can't count on him to be discreet. I would like the chance to at least see what the e-mail is about before he reads it and then casually gossips about it to his family (which has happened). I don't want to get separate e-mail addresses, though, because he would think I am hiding something. (This happened in his first marriage.) What's the answer? -- INVADED IN ORTONVILLE, MICH.

DEAR INVADED: The answer is a frank and possibly unpleasant conversation with your husband. His first wife's behavior seems to have left him with serious trust issues, and that's why he insists on reading your e-mails over your shoulder.

If you want privacy, you are going to have to demand it. And if he wants to know why, you are going to have to tell him that he can't be trusted not to gossip. You should not have to pay the penalty for the indiscretions of his former spouse.

DEAR ABBY: My husband of 39 years no longer hugs me or shows me any affection. I have seen him through cancer and diabetes. We have four grown children, and we have been seeing a therapist for a year and a half. He is kind, generous and friendly, but there are no compliments or any of the flirtatious banter we used to enjoy.

He swears he's not having an affair, and he doesn't know why he has changed. Perhaps you do? -- GRACE IN PHOENIX

DEAR GRACE: Several possibilities come to mind. Your husband could be depressed, or his change in behavior could be related to hormone levels or medication. Perhaps, in addition to the therapist, his physician should be consulted. Please consider it.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)