DEAR ABBY: In light of the events at Virginia Tech, I need some advice on a situation I encountered at work. I travel to many retail locations each week, and sometimes I am "stationed" at one of them for several weeks, or even months.

Two months ago, I was chatting with a young man I'll call "Ryan," and during the conversation he told me that when he was in high school, he had drawn up plans for a Columbine-type assault. The comment came out of the blue, and he laughed it off, saying it would make a good movie script.

Ryan is now at a local community college, and I would not want to be a student at his school. He makes me very uneasy, and I don't like having to interact with him. After the Virginia Tech tragedy, I asked him his thoughts. His reply was, "I wouldn't have killed myself." The implication was that the murder of 30-plus people was fine with him, but suicide would send him to hell.

This kid really scares me, and my gut instinct is to tell the store management about his comments. If he gets angry someday and snaps, I will feel terrible that I didn't say something, but I am a "visitor" in these stores, and I don't want to be labeled as a troublemaker by them or my employer. What should I do? -- VERY TROUBLED IN ARIZONA

DEAR TROUBLED: It's too bad you didn't "remind" Ryan that committing murder would also send him to hell.

Because the young man scares you, my recommendation is to go with your gut. However, rather than reporting the conversation to store management, you should bring it to the attention of the police in your community. They can -- and should -- check to see whether he has access to, or has purchased, any weapons.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are planning to attend my niece's wedding next month and, as usual, the prospect of being with my family has thrown me into a tizzy. We are simple people -- we are both teachers, and we have raised three great children but no superstars.

My sister and brothers are all wealthy. Their children are excellent scholars and/or athletes, including two who play professionally.

I feel fine about our accomplishments and am proud of our children and what they have done -- that is, until I am around my brothers and sister. Then I beat myself up thinking I wasn't as good a mother as I should have been.

I am tempted to skip this wedding because this happens every single time, and I don't enjoy my visits with them. What do I do? -- TEMPTED TO REFUSE IN THE U.S.A.

DEAR TEMPTED TO REFUSE: I see no reason why you should feel "second best" and compare yourself and your family to your siblings. You and your husband chose to go into one of the "helping" professions rather than one that would bring in more money. Many people would consider that a far greater contribution to our society than accumulating a pile of assets.

As to comparing the accomplishments of these "superstar" athletes and scholarly nieces and nephews -- I can't imagine a greater waste of time. If your children are educated, employed and happy with their lives, then dear lady, you have accomplished what is most important.

Skip the wedding if that's what you prefer, but please do not do so because you're ashamed of your life. From my perspective, you and your family are very successful people in your own right.

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DEAR ABBY: This is for "Jack's Grandpa" (April 2), whose wife is afraid wearing pink will cause their baby grandson to turn into a cross-dresser. Relax! My aunt desperately wanted a baby girl, but to her disappointment, she had a baby boy. She kept that kid in frilly dresses with ruffles and his hair long and in curls until he was 4!

He grew up to be a fine young man. He did his service in Vietnam, married and raised a family. Of course, the rest of the family accepted his mother's "eccentricities," and no one ridiculed or poked fun at him. If a pink blanket is the worst thing that kid ever has to contend with in his life, they should all be grateful. -- CATHIE H. IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR CATHIE: I agree -- as did many readers who responded to that letter. Perhaps the experiences they shared will "color" Grandpa's view on the subject. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: You might be interested to know that pink didn't start out as a "feminine" color. In the Middle Ages, the color red was for men because it represented strength, war, fire and blood. The color blue was for women back then. (Blue represented harmony, peace, sky and water.)

When fabric was being dyed, the strongest color came out in the first bath. Paler colors followed with subsequent baths. Back then, men's clothing was made of pale red (pink) fabric. Nobody grew up "confused" in those days. -- TONAWANDA READER

DEAR ABBY: I had to smile at the letter from the grandparent of the baby boy whose daughter thought she was having a girl and received a lot of pink outfits. When my precious son was born, we weren't very well off financially, and I received many hand-me-downs from his two older girl cousins. All that mother needs to do is throw all the clothes in the washer with some blue dye. Then everything will come out blue or purple. -- BEEN THERE, DONE THAT

DEAR ABBY: All a baby is concerned about is having a full tummy, a clean diaper and something interesting to do when he's awake. Pink for girls and blue for boys is not some kind of biological imperative.

In the 19th and 20th centuries, baby clothes were all white. If they had any color trimming, pink was used for boys and blue for girls. The Ladies Home Journal in 1918 said: "There has been a great diversity of opinion on the subject, but the general accepted rule is pink for the boy and blue for the girl. Pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy, while blue, which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl." -- K.B., SALEM, ORE.

DEAR ABBY: I had a good laugh when I read the letter from "Jack's Grandpa." I have a daughter who is 3 years older than my son. When my son was a toddler, he worshipped his big sister and did whatever she told him. I will never forget my father coming to the house and my son answering the door in a big pink straw hat, Barbie high heels, a mini skirt and a hot pink feather boa. Dad had only daughters, and my son was the only grandson. Dad just about had a stroke when he saw my son. He thought the boy was corrupted forever.

My son is now 10, and he's all boy -- a straight-A student who plays sports year-round. He gets into scuffles at school and eats lunch in the principal's office once or twice a year. Please tell "Jack's Grandpa" not to worry. Clothes don't make the man -- his parents do. -- MICHELLE, NORTH ROYALTON, OHIO

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DEAR ABBY: When my husband came home from work this evening, he told me a horrifying story. He said that he and some of his co-workers were out on a job, and from their truck they witnessed a woman in a wheelchair topple. They waited for the stoplight to turn green and immediately made their way to her side as quickly as they could.

What was upsetting was that nearly 20 pedestrians walked right by without offering to help her. Abby, they didn't even look twice! The woman was extremely embarrassed to have been on the ground so long and was overjoyed when my husband and his co-workers helped her.

I cannot believe that no one stopped to help. What is happening to this world? -- HORRIFIED IN DOVER, DEL.

DEAR HORRIFIED: There are still many caring and compassionate people in this world. As to what happened on that street in Dover that day, I will leave it up to the good citizens of that city to consider. Perhaps everyone who passed thought the person walking behind them would take the time to help. Of course, that's no excuse. How sad -- not only for the woman with the disability but also for those who walked by.

DEAR ABBY: My brother, "Dustin," has finally decided to marry his live-in girlfriend of four years, "Cameron." They are now planning their wedding, which will take place in four months.

My mother has just informed me that Dustin and Cameron have decided that their wedding will be "adults only" except for Dustin's son. (The boy is 8.) Abby, my brother didn't even have the courage to call me up and inform me of this.

I feel that since it will be an informal, small family event -- fewer than 20 people -- my two children should be allowed to attend. (They are 8 and 3.) Am I being unreasonable? I feel if there is a "no kids" rule, then there should be no kids -- period.

My husband has refused to attend unless our children are included. Should I go alone or not attend? -- FURIOUS IN VANCOUVER, WASH.

DEAR FURIOUS: The problem with getting messages via "Mother Central" is that they can be incomplete or garbled. Pick up the phone, call your brother and ask him about this. It is possible that your nephew is not going to be a "guest" at the wedding, but rather a member of the wedding party. Whatever answer you are given, respect it. Your husband can do as he wishes, but do not boycott the wedding to punish your brother. You could regret it later.

DEAR ABBY: There is a boy I am dating, and I really like him. But I'm scared to kiss him. I'm a person who acts like she knows everything, but the truth is I don't really know how to kiss. Now, I know this sounds weird, but I'm only 12.

I wrote to you 'cause I need to trust someone, and I hope that person is you. Just so you know, so far you are the only 1 I can trust 4 now or 4-ever. Please answer soon! -- "TINA" IN TUCSON

DEAR "TINA": Thank U 4 the compliment. Please try not to obsess about not knowing how to kiss. I promise it will happen naturally, when the time is right. The boy you are dating is probably wondering how to kiss you, so hold off and let him make the first move. Then close your eyes, purse your lips and keep both feet on the ground.

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)