DEAR ABBY: As acting surgeon general of the United States, I would like to thank you for your recent reply on March 4 to a question regarding underage drinking. You advised your readers that "when children drink alcohol, they can more easily become dependent than adults."

Letting parents know that underage drinking is not a "harmless rite of passage," as many still believe, is one reason why I recently issued "The Surgeon General's Call to Action to Prevent and Reduce Underage Drinking." With this call to action, I am asking every American to join in a national effort to change attitudes and behaviors regarding underage alcohol use. Our children deserve nothing less.

We can no longer ignore what alcohol is doing to our children. Despite recent declines in their use of tobacco and illegal drugs, alcohol remains the most heavily abused substance by America's youth. There are 11 million underage drinkers in this country. Their alcohol use is associated with a long list of tragic consequences, including death from injury, risky sexual behavior, the use of other drugs and academic failure.

Abby, please urge your readers to request a copy of "The Surgeon General's Call to Action to Prevent and Reduce Underage Drinking" and other free materials about youth and alcohol from � HYPERLINK "http://www.surgeongeneral.gov" ��www.surgeongeneral.gov�, or by calling the National Clearinghouse for Alcohol and Drug Information. The toll-free number is: (800) 729-6686.

The good news is that underage drinking is not inevitable, and society is not helpless to prevent it. Underage drinking is everybody's problem -- and its solution is everyone's responsibility. Thank you again, Abby, for being a powerful part of that solution. -- REAR ADM. KENNETH P. MORITSUGU, M.D., M.P.H.

DEAR REAR ADM. MORITSUGU: I'm sure your offer will be appreciated and acted upon by parents nationwide. There is still a common misunderstanding about underage alcohol use. My experts tell me that young people who start drinking before age 15 are five times more likely to have alcohol problems later in life. Also, new research indicates that alcohol may harm the developing adolescent brain.

Parents and other adults who are not sure why -- or how -- to help young people avoid alcohol should ask the National Clearinghouse for "Start Talking Before They Start Drinking: A Family Guide." It's a booklet developed in conjunction with an Ad Council public education campaign bearing that title.

DEAR ABBY: A couple of weeks ago, some friends and I visited a family friend's niece who had recently had a baby girl. While we were visiting, we noticed that the baby was hungry.

Being a good mom, the new mother unbuttoned her shirt, took off her bra, and breast-fed the baby right in front of us. Abby, was it right or wrong of her to expose her breasts in front of visitors when breast-feeding the child? -- RACHEL IN PHILADELPHIA

DEAR RACHEL: Breast-feeding a baby is normal and natural. However, removing one's bra to do it should not have been necessary. There are special nursing bras that allow the mother to uncover one breast at a time for the baby to nurse.

Chalk up what happened to the young mother's inexperience. And after all, it was done in the privacy of her home -- not in a public place.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS, and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: On March 4, you printed a letter about "Logan," a 5-year-old boy who said he tortured animals because he enjoyed it. His counselor said he was "fine," and the child's behavior was the result of his being "neglected." May I point out that the writer of that letter has only the boy's father's word that that was the counselor's "diagnosis"?

I'm no expert, but Logan's behavior seems like the result of much more than lack of attention. In fact, it seems like that of a textbook psychopath. Your advice that the child needs serious psychiatric intervention was spot-on.

Many parents ignore or play down these behaviors, but if unattended, such violent children often spend the rest of their lives in prison. Please stress to your readers the importance of following up on violent children. It's in the child's best interest, and the community's, for these kids to get immediate help. -- SEEN IT ONE TOO MANY TIMES IN COLORADO

DEAR SEEN IT: I agree, and I will continue to do so. As an advice columnist, I am in no position to diagnose a child. However, children cry out for help in various ways -- some of them nonverbal. A child who cannot fit in, or who displays antisocial behavior, needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional so steps can be taken to correct the problem.

Readers, the mail I received about that letter was alarming. Please read on:

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my son's longtime playmate, "Timmy," killed the guppies in our aquarium. I spoke to the boy and heard his lame excuse that "he just felt like doing it." I was sadly remiss and let other things take my attention, so I didn't mention the incident to Timmy's parents. Years later, Timmy took a gun to school and killed his teacher "because he felt like doing it." If only he had gotten help before that fatal action left an innocent family without a parent.

Please keep pounding home the importance of seeing early warning signs and getting good help for these troubled children. -- LOU IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: We had a child we obtained guardianship of when he was 10. I'll call him "Randy." We weren't given his complete history. Within six months, Randy had killed birds, kittens, stabbed my husband twice, and tried to kill his biological brother. (He had a plan for how to do it, and a backup plan in case it didn't work.) I could go on and on.

When we started talking to Randy's family and people who knew him, we learned that his behavior had started when he was a toddler. We had to take him to several psychiatrists/psychoanalysts before we could get any help for him. Randy functioned well when institutionalized, but couldn't function in a "normal" environment. It took us two long years to have the boy legally removed from our home.

He is 14 now, and was recently sent to detention because he attempted to beat up a teacher at school. This happened two years ago, but we are still feeling the after-effects. -- MOM IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ABBY: At age 5, my friend's son, "Gavin," threatened to kill his mother and his brothers, and he meant it. After two horrible years, they finally found a pediatrician who said it wasn't because they were "bad parents." An MRI showed a portion of Gavin's brain had no electrical activity. It's the part that allows him to understand right from wrong and feel empathy.

Gavin is nearly 18 now, and soon to be out of a system that has been trying to train other parts of his brain to take over. My friends have never given up on their boy -- they're angels on Earth. -- KAREN IN COLORADO SPRINGS

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: How do you say, "No, thank you" to a pest without hurting her feelings? A woman I'll call "Ethel" constantly invites me to have lunch with her. By "constantly," I mean she has asked me at least 50 times.

I have explained to Ethel that my schedule is full and that I can't commit to any additional outings at this time. I do not want to have lunch with her because she hogs the conversation and it's not pleasant being with her.

My husband suggests that I just tell Ethel bluntly that I do not care to be with her. Please tell me how to get the message across without being rude. -- STUCK IN THE "SHOW ME" STATE

DEAR STUCK: Most people who understand social cues would have stopped asking after three invitations had been refused. Because you cannot bring yourself to follow your husband's suggestion, try this: "Ethel, you have asked me so many times that you are making me feel uncomfortable. Please understand that I do not have time to go to lunch with you, and please don't ask me anymore."

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been living together for two years and are starting to talk about marriage. She is kind and considerate, and we love each other. The only problem is, I have a college degree and she has only a high school diploma. I always imagined that I'd marry a college-educated person, but she has no desire to attend college or to get any other type of schooling, either.

I'm worried, Abby, because I'm afraid that we won't have a secure financial future because of her limited education. I want to provide a good life for our future children. Should I ignore my concerns? Or should I depart from this relationship? -- LOOKING TWICE IN IDAHO

DEAR LOOKING TWICE: Your concerns should certainly not be ignored. However, your last question is one only you can answer.

And since we're on the subject of "questions," I have a few more for you: Although a college degree is not the end-all and be-all in determining success, is this young woman at all ambitious? Is she willing to expand her career options, or does she plan to be a housewife and stay-at-home mother?

You and your girlfriend could benefit from premarital counseling. After that, you will both have a clearer picture of what your future together will hold.

DEAR ABBY: I am 28 and have a wonderful 3-year-old daughter. When I was 12, my older cousin, who was 16 at the time, fondled me, thinking I was asleep. I said nothing about it and neither did he.

That was 16 years ago. A couple of weeks ago we had sex, and now I am pregnant. Should I lie to my family about who the father is? -- WORRIED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR WORRIED: You should not keep it a secret from your family. Because your cousin is the father of the baby, he will have a financial obligation to support it. Your obstetrician will need the information to determine whether your baby has a risk for a genetic disorder.

You didn't mention whether you plan to continue this affair or marry your cousin. If the answer is yes, then I urge you to make absolutely sure that he does not do to your daughter or the baby what he did to you when you were so young, because his behavior was predatory.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)