DEAR ABBY: On March 4, you printed a letter about "Logan," a 5-year-old boy who said he tortured animals because he enjoyed it. His counselor said he was "fine," and the child's behavior was the result of his being "neglected." May I point out that the writer of that letter has only the boy's father's word that that was the counselor's "diagnosis"?

I'm no expert, but Logan's behavior seems like the result of much more than lack of attention. In fact, it seems like that of a textbook psychopath. Your advice that the child needs serious psychiatric intervention was spot-on.

Many parents ignore or play down these behaviors, but if unattended, such violent children often spend the rest of their lives in prison. Please stress to your readers the importance of following up on violent children. It's in the child's best interest, and the community's, for these kids to get immediate help. -- SEEN IT ONE TOO MANY TIMES IN COLORADO

DEAR SEEN IT: I agree, and I will continue to do so. As an advice columnist, I am in no position to diagnose a child. However, children cry out for help in various ways -- some of them nonverbal. A child who cannot fit in, or who displays antisocial behavior, needs to be evaluated by a mental health professional so steps can be taken to correct the problem.

Readers, the mail I received about that letter was alarming. Please read on:

DEAR ABBY: Years ago, my son's longtime playmate, "Timmy," killed the guppies in our aquarium. I spoke to the boy and heard his lame excuse that "he just felt like doing it." I was sadly remiss and let other things take my attention, so I didn't mention the incident to Timmy's parents. Years later, Timmy took a gun to school and killed his teacher "because he felt like doing it." If only he had gotten help before that fatal action left an innocent family without a parent.

Please keep pounding home the importance of seeing early warning signs and getting good help for these troubled children. -- LOU IN AUSTIN, TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: We had a child we obtained guardianship of when he was 10. I'll call him "Randy." We weren't given his complete history. Within six months, Randy had killed birds, kittens, stabbed my husband twice, and tried to kill his biological brother. (He had a plan for how to do it, and a backup plan in case it didn't work.) I could go on and on.

When we started talking to Randy's family and people who knew him, we learned that his behavior had started when he was a toddler. We had to take him to several psychiatrists/psychoanalysts before we could get any help for him. Randy functioned well when institutionalized, but couldn't function in a "normal" environment. It took us two long years to have the boy legally removed from our home.

He is 14 now, and was recently sent to detention because he attempted to beat up a teacher at school. This happened two years ago, but we are still feeling the after-effects. -- MOM IN THE MIDWEST

DEAR ABBY: At age 5, my friend's son, "Gavin," threatened to kill his mother and his brothers, and he meant it. After two horrible years, they finally found a pediatrician who said it wasn't because they were "bad parents." An MRI showed a portion of Gavin's brain had no electrical activity. It's the part that allows him to understand right from wrong and feel empathy.

Gavin is nearly 18 now, and soon to be out of a system that has been trying to train other parts of his brain to take over. My friends have never given up on their boy -- they're angels on Earth. -- KAREN IN COLORADO SPRINGS

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DEAR ABBY: How do you say, "No, thank you" to a pest without hurting her feelings? A woman I'll call "Ethel" constantly invites me to have lunch with her. By "constantly," I mean she has asked me at least 50 times.

I have explained to Ethel that my schedule is full and that I can't commit to any additional outings at this time. I do not want to have lunch with her because she hogs the conversation and it's not pleasant being with her.

My husband suggests that I just tell Ethel bluntly that I do not care to be with her. Please tell me how to get the message across without being rude. -- STUCK IN THE "SHOW ME" STATE

DEAR STUCK: Most people who understand social cues would have stopped asking after three invitations had been refused. Because you cannot bring yourself to follow your husband's suggestion, try this: "Ethel, you have asked me so many times that you are making me feel uncomfortable. Please understand that I do not have time to go to lunch with you, and please don't ask me anymore."

DEAR ABBY: My girlfriend and I have been living together for two years and are starting to talk about marriage. She is kind and considerate, and we love each other. The only problem is, I have a college degree and she has only a high school diploma. I always imagined that I'd marry a college-educated person, but she has no desire to attend college or to get any other type of schooling, either.

I'm worried, Abby, because I'm afraid that we won't have a secure financial future because of her limited education. I want to provide a good life for our future children. Should I ignore my concerns? Or should I depart from this relationship? -- LOOKING TWICE IN IDAHO

DEAR LOOKING TWICE: Your concerns should certainly not be ignored. However, your last question is one only you can answer.

And since we're on the subject of "questions," I have a few more for you: Although a college degree is not the end-all and be-all in determining success, is this young woman at all ambitious? Is she willing to expand her career options, or does she plan to be a housewife and stay-at-home mother?

You and your girlfriend could benefit from premarital counseling. After that, you will both have a clearer picture of what your future together will hold.

DEAR ABBY: I am 28 and have a wonderful 3-year-old daughter. When I was 12, my older cousin, who was 16 at the time, fondled me, thinking I was asleep. I said nothing about it and neither did he.

That was 16 years ago. A couple of weeks ago we had sex, and now I am pregnant. Should I lie to my family about who the father is? -- WORRIED IN LOUISIANA

DEAR WORRIED: You should not keep it a secret from your family. Because your cousin is the father of the baby, he will have a financial obligation to support it. Your obstetrician will need the information to determine whether your baby has a risk for a genetic disorder.

You didn't mention whether you plan to continue this affair or marry your cousin. If the answer is yes, then I urge you to make absolutely sure that he does not do to your daughter or the baby what he did to you when you were so young, because his behavior was predatory.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: When I was in third grade, I moved in with my dad because my mother didn't want me anymore. She said, "You'll be going to a foster home if you don't get out of my house right now."

I didn't want to stay with her because she was abusing me. So was her fiance. At the time, I was living in Michigan, and Dad lived in Minnesota. One night, my dad got a call at work from my mom: "Come get her before I put her in a foster home!" So Dad came and picked me up at 3 in the morning. We lived in my dad's hometown in Minnesota for a while, but Dad didn't want me to go to school where we lived, so we moved to Missouri. That's where I am now.

My mother moved back to Minnesota, got married and now has two babies. My problem is she wants me to move back in with her, and so does my aunt, but I don't want to. I said I'd go to her house for the summer to take care of my little siblings. My question is, how am I supposed to say no to my mother without hurting her feelings and say no to my aunt, who I love so much? -- CONFUSED IN ST. CHARLES

DEAR CONFUSED: This is something you need to seriously discuss with your father, because I am not at all sure you should be responsible for your little half-siblings, even for the summer. I doubt that your mother has changed much, and I am concerned that you will be nothing more than a free baby sitter.

Please do not worry about hurting your former abuser's feelings. If you agree to this arrangement, the person more likely to be hurt will be you.

As for your aunt, if your love for her is reciprocated, she can visit you. Or you can visit her. But that visit should not include baby-sitting those children under the circumstances you have described to me.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I have just learned that our 9-year-old nephew was molested by a teenage boy over the course of the last 18 months. My brother-in-law is requesting additional family contact, saying that the boy has lost friends and trust and needs us around more often. We live six hours away, and we certainly don't mind seeing him more often.

We have a family event coming up in a few weeks, and this will be the first time we'll see them in person since we found out. I am not quite sure how to treat the boy. Should I tell him I know about it? How do we offer comfort and support? -- CONCERNED AUNT IN MASSACHUSETTS

DEAR CONCERNED AUNT: There is no need to tell your nephew that you know what happened. The best way to offer comfort and support would be to treat him the way you always have -- be your normal, affectionate, good-humored selves. If the boy wants to confide in you, he will. But you should not bring the subject up or you could embarrass him.

DEAR ABBY: Is there a proper amount of time to wait to send a sympathy card when someone you know suffers a loss? Is it proper to send the card before the funeral, or is it better to wait a week or so? -- GEORGE IN SEATTLE

DEAR GEORGE: Customs vary among different cultures. Generally, sympathy cards are sent at the time one hears about the death. However, in some cultures sympathy cards with money enclosed are given to the grieving family at the funeral.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)