DEAR ABBY: I lost quite a bit of weight on a great diet that worked well for me. I did it for my health and because I was tired of carrying all that extra weight around. Everyone has been complimentary, except my husband.

He accuses me of "setting a bad example" for our kids, complains that the diet "costs too much," and says we can't share a meal at a nice restaurant together anymore. (Not true!) He also makes unwanted comments about what I'm eating, how much I'm eating and when I'm eating it.

I have invited him to go on the diet with me, because he could stand to lose about 20 pounds himself, especially around the middle. He refuses and insists that all he needs to do is exercise. Well, it hasn't worked, and now he needs to buy larger clothes while I am able to get into the clothes I wore when we first met.

I thought my husband would enjoy the new me, and now I am wondering what could be wrong. Jealousy? Fear of losing me? What's your opinion? -- PUZZLED BUT STILL GOING STRONG

DEAR PUZZLED: Congratulations on your weight loss. Losing weight is much easier if couples do it together, but you are to be especially commended because you are managing to do it in the face of serious attempts at diet sabotage.

I don't know what's eating your husband, but I do know he appears to be invested in keeping you fat. Maybe it's insecurity, or maybe he has eating issues of his own that he hasn't had to face because you were his partner in crime. Maybe he feels deserted (no pun intended).

I hope you will continue to eat and live more healthfully. This will require not allowing his problem to become yours, and "selective deafness" when he's spouting off. It also may require some professional counseling if he doesn't ease up, so be prepared.

DEAR ABBY: I want to be an actress more than anything else in the world, but my parents are against it. In fact, they are so against it that they have said repeatedly that they'll disown me if I become an actress. They think I am "too smart" to major in theater, and they don't ever want me to leave my hometown.

It's time for me to start thinking about college, and if I do what my parents want me to do, I don't think I will ever be happy. I don't want to stay in this town and be a teacher. I want to live in New York City and be an actress. -- DESPAIRING IN THE SOUTH

DEAR DESPAIRING: When parents give a child life, it is their responsibility to help that child develop his or her talents so that he or she can be successful and happy. It is possible that your parents are so emotionally invested in you that they are having trouble letting go.

If your dream is to be an actress, then that is the dream you should pursue -- if only as a minor in college so that you will have a degree in something else in case "Plan A" doesn't work out. Not only is it time to start thinking about college, it is also time to start researching scholarship programs that will help you finance it. Please don't wait to do that -- the sooner you get started, the better.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: Is it harmful for someone to practice golf swings right after breakfast? I'm talking about leaving the breakfast table and heading outside to the back yard and starting practice. The way I see it, swings exert a lot of effort. Swinging a club for 15 to 20 minutes could do damage to the internal organs, right? To say the least, I don't think it helps the digestion.

The "someone" I'm writing about is my husband. He plays golf almost weekly. The only time he doesn't play is when he is away on a business trip. I'm 100 percent behind him playing golf because it's good for his health. I just don't think that practicing any sport right after a meal is appropriate.

I brought this up with him, but he keeps saying that it's the only time he can practice. My argument is: Not being able to do it at some other time doesn't mean that one should do it at the WRONG time.

Please enlighten me on this. If I'm convinced that it won't do my husband any harm, I'll shut up. -- PROTECTIVE WIFE IN SANTA CLARA, CALIF.

DEAR PROTECTIVE: You appear to mean well, but you also appear to have some control issues. If your husband says he feels no ill effects from swinging after breakfast, please leave the poor man alone. Be happy you're married to someone who cares enough about his health to exercise. Many women are not so fortunate.

DEAR ABBY: How do you respond to a woman who is nearly 50 but acts like a child in public at meals? My sister-in-law, "Heather," who is divorced, will hum very loudly and sing out at the table. The family just smiles and says something about how she must really like the song.

Abby, it's embarrassing! We've been in very expensive restaurants, and Heather is rocking and saying, "La, la, la" loudly, and people ask if she's impaired. What can I do? I cringe at any public event. -- RED-FACED IN VERO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR RED-FACED: Heather may be making a bid for attention, which should strike you as more sad than embarrassing. Or she could have a mild form of Tourette's syndrome. Someone in the family -- not you -- should speak to her about it.

However, if she's unwilling or unable to "change her tune," you'll just have to accept her, eccentric as she is. It's really no reflection on you, and after all -- she's family.

DEAR ABBY: How do you respond to a woman who is nearly 50 but acts like a child in public at meals? My sister-in-law, "Heather," who is divorced, will hum very loudly and sing out at the table. The family just smiles and says something about how she must really like the song.

Abby, it's embarrassing! We've been in very expensive restaurants, and Heather is rocking and saying, "La, la, la" loudly, and people ask if she's impaired. What can I do? I cringe at any public event. -- RED-FACED IN VERO BEACH, FLA.

DEAR RED-FACED: Heather may be making a bid for attention, which should strike you as more sad than embarrassing. Or she could have a mild form of Tourette's syndrome. Someone in the family -- not you -- should speak to her about it.

However, if she's unwilling or unable to "change her tune," you'll just have to accept her, eccentric as she is. It's really no reflection on you, and after all -- she's family.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: This is in response to "Confuzzled in Florida" (March 24), regarding parents who give their children one name but demand they be called something different.

I am an administrative assistant in an elementary school in New Jersey, and I have encountered the same problem with parents who register their children for kindergarten.

I must check the child's original birth certificate to verify the birthday and to ensure that he or she is registered under his or her legal name and that it's spelled correctly.

Abby, I've had parents tell me that "Little Johnny" does not know that "Franklin" is his legal name, and I should register him as "Little Johnny." I then have to explain to the parent that we DO have to register him as "Franklin" because that's the name he'll have to learn to write in kindergarten, as it's his legal name. I also explain that when "Franklin" starts school, he can tell his teacher he prefers "Little Johnny" and can then be called whatever name he chooses in the class.

I advise parents to make sure the child knows what his or her legal name is before starting kindergarten. This is the name that will appear on all records throughout the school years. -- JERSEY GIRL (NOT MY LEGAL NAME)

DEAR JERSEY GIRL: Thank you for writing. I heard from many readers who wanted to weigh in on the custom of using a name other than the child's legal first name. They admitted the practice can be bothersome, and offered ways to manage the confusion. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: As a travel agent, I run into many unique names. Some parents do it to honor relatives; others do it to be funny. (Mac is the legal first name of a boy who weighed 11 pounds at birth -- as in Mac truck.) Other parents try to be cute and use the same first letter for each kid's name, then they run out of more common names.

The solution is to use the child's given name rather than the nickname on official documents such as a library card. This will eliminate future problems, like the name on his or her library card not matching the driver's license, or the one on his or her airline ticket being different from what's on the passport.

Anything "official" should have your legal name. -- JOHN IN BAXTER, MINN.

DEAR ABBY: I use my middle name -- or rather a shortened version of it. My childhood was spent as a victim of abuse, and after a few years in counseling, I was able to break that cycle. Part of that split from my past was to start using my middle name instead of my first, to take charge of my life and never fall into that victim's role again.

Years later I married. My husband's family has a tradition of the males all having the same first name and being distinguished by their middle names. This goes back 15 generations. It's confusing at times when we go to the doctor and need a legal document processed, but where possible I always add a notation about the names my children and I answer to. -- BEKAH IN KISSIMMEE, FLA.

DEAR ABBY: My husband, his brothers, father and nephew all go by their middle names. It may seem confusing, but there's also a benefit. If anyone calls asking for him by his legal name, my husband knows it's a telemarketer. -- RACHEL IN TEXAS

DEAR ABBY: My suggestion to parents is, when picking a name for your child, remember that you could be yelling that name in its entirety 20 times a day for the next 18 years -- so make sure it's one you like to hear. -- HOARSE IN NEW JERSEY

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