DEAR ABBY: I have been in a horrible marriage for eight years. My husband, "Greg," has a lot of problems from his childhood and has a hard time being in a relationship. I have recently learned that he was raped by a family member when he was a little boy. He seems to be in denial, and claims it didn't happen.

In any case, I have had a feeling lately that Greg is attracted to men and may be having some kind of a fling with a guy. This guy is supposed to be a business associate, but he calls my husband constantly and has shown up at our house at 12:30 at night. Greg refused to answer the door, but texted him and lied to me about it. I feel like he doesn't want me to meet this guy.

How would I be able to tell if this is happening? Greg certainly won't tell me. -- LOST IN BRONX, N.Y.

DEAR LOST: My question to you is why have you tolerated living in a "horrible" marriage for eight long years? Most women would have insisted on an intervention through marriage counseling long before this.

The time has come to listen to your intuition. If you "think" your husband is cheating, regardless of whether it's with a man or a woman, then he probably is. If you know he lied to you and texted the man who came to your house, then check his computer and start digging for the evidence. The alternative would be to hire a private detective. The information that's gathered will help you determine what to do next.

DEAR ABBY: My mother has criticized almost everything either I or my husband has done almost from the start of our marriage. Sometimes it's disguised under the apologetic, "I'm only trying to help," like when she sends "helpful" articles on how to correct my latest flaw.

I have tried telling her that my husband and I are both aware of these things, and if it were currently within our abilities to fix said flaws, we would. It wasn't nearly as difficult to ignore when we lived in a different state from my parents, but now we live across town from them due to unfortunate circumstances.

The whole situation really has me down, and I know it's not normal for someone to feel depressed for as long as I have (we moved in 2003, and that's when my feelings intensified). Have you any suggestions? -- FEELING LOW IN LAS VEGAS

DEAR FEELING LOW: Have you told your mother how hurtful and depressing her helpful criticisms are? If the answer is no, then it's time you and your husband had a heart-to-heart with Mama. If the answer is yes, then any mail you receive from her should be returned unopened and marked "refused." And she should be told plainly that the more she criticizes, the more depressed it makes you and the less she'll see of you.

DEAR ABBY: As a nana, I have a problem when taking my 13-year-old granddaughter, "Eden," to church, stores, restaurants. Eden has blue eyes, black eyelashes and long blond hair. Anywhere I take her, people tell her how beautiful she is, and Eden is so embarrassed, she can't speak and casts her eyes down to the floor.

I know they mean well, but what is an appropriate response to these people? -- NANA IN TAMPA

DEAR NANA: Because your granddaughter is too shy to say anything, you should say: "Thank you. But even more important than beauty, my granddaughter is smart and nice to others, and we are very proud of her."

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm writing in response to the letter from "Reader in the East" (March 21), asking what to give someone who has just graduated from the police academy. Abby, the patron saint of police officers and law enforcement is St. Michael, not St. Christopher!

Another thoughtful gift would be a charm of the trooper's shield with his badge number on it. I gave my husband a small replica of his shield with his number on the front and a message of love and safety on the back. He never goes out the door without his "good luck shield." He says that it and his bulletproof vest are the best protection he has. (He also has a St. Michael's medal, and wears it as well.) -- TROOPER'S WIFE IN NEW YORK

DEAR TROOPER'S WIFE: Thank you for the excellent gift idea, and for straightening me out about who the patron saint of law enforcement is. (Many folks corrected me on that one.) Others offered alternative suggestions for gifts. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: Police officers spend many hours in their patrol cars. Thermal coffee mugs and coolers in which to carry their lunch make great gifts. Also, if someone really wants to go all out, an extra pair of handcuffs always comes in "handy." (Pun intended!) I hope this helps. -- POLICE OFFICER'S WIFE IN HOUSTON

DEAR ABBY: If the officer is Hispanic, a St. Sebastian medal would be appropriate. "St. Seb." is the patron saint of Hispanic police officers. -- AUDREY IN PITTSBURGH

DEAR ABBY: How about a picture frame to showcase his official officer photo? Or, the reader could contact the police department he will be joining to see where their officers purchase uniform items. Those uniform shops sell numerous accessories for police officers that can be purchased by civilians. -- TOM IN EWING, N.J.

DEAR ABBY: A high-powered flashlight is a good gift, or a very nice pen with black ink for report writing. Also, check to find out if he has to buy his own body armor. Bulletproof vests can cost around a thousand dollars, and money toward that purchase could be money well-invested. -- TERRI IN JENNINGS, KAN.

DEAR ABBY: My mother gave me a policeman's Bible. I lost my job as a police officer due to alcohol. If I had stayed with my head in the Bible rather than my lips to the bottle, I'd still be pursuing the job I had waited for since birth.

Also, please tell the soon-to-be officer first and foremost to remember his code of ethics, and anytime he deals with someone, regardless of race, gender, nationality or sexual orientation, always treat that person as he would want a member of his family treated. If he has the Law Enforcement Code of Ethics in his heart and follows it, I can almost guarantee him a long and successful career. -- HOPING TO HELP, JACKSON, MISS.

DEAR ABBY: I have been a police officer for 15 years. I would suggest getting him something NOT related to police work -- movie tickets, a video rental card, dinner for two. "The job" can destroy marriages, relationships, even people. From a cop's point of view, the best gift "Reader in the East" can give is time with loved ones away from work, along with a note of good luck, of course. -- CHASING BAD GUYS IN OREGON

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: This may seem like a dumb question, but I really need to know the answer. Can you get pregnant when your breasts are still underdeveloped?

My boyfriend says you can't, but I need to know for sure. I'm afraid to keep birth control in my room because my little sister, who I have to share a room with, constantly snoops through my stuff when I'm not there. She would be sure to show it to our parents if she found it because she loves to get me in trouble, so I really need to know the answer to this. -- QUESTIONING IN OKLAHOMA

DEAR QUESTIONING: There is no such thing as a "dumb" question.

Your boyfriend is mistaken. Breast development has nothing to do with whether a girl can become pregnant. The onset of a young woman's menstrual cycle has everything to do with it. Under no circumstances should you have unprotected sex. Not only will it place you at risk for pregnancy, but also for sexually transmitted infections.

DEAR ABBY: After six months of marriage, my son and daughter-in-law have decided that it is not what they wanted. They are being divorced. They would like to return the gifts of money they received from family and friends, along with the other gifts they received.

How should they go about returning the money, and what do you say to well-wishing people? -- EMBARRASSED AND DISAPPOINTED IN NEW YORK

DEAR EMBARRASSED AND DISAPPOINTED: Rather than feeling "embarrassed and disappointed," be glad that your son and daughter-in-law realized they had made a mistake before any grandchildren came along.

Let's hope they made a list of how much money each of the donors gave them. If that's the case, they should have no trouble writing checks to them for that amount. The checks should be enclosed with a brief note, thanking them again for their generosity, and telling them that "regretfully, the marriage did not work out." The same is true for any UNUSED wedding gifts.

DEAR ABBY: What do you do about an ex-fiance who just won't let go? I ended the engagement 10 months ago and have moved on. However, my ex has sent me letters, and there is evidence that he has sat on my front porch waiting for me to come home.

Recently he found out through a mutual friend that I have been seeing someone. He keeps trying to pry details about my new relationship out of this friend. I'm sure he's trying to find out if I was dating while I was still engaged.

Now he plans to attend a community theater production I am appearing in. How do I handle this situation? -- NEEDS AN "EX"ORCIST IN ST. CHARLES, MO.

DEAR NEEDS AN "EX"ORCIST: Your former fiance appears to be obsessed with you, to the point that you are being stalked. Whether you dated someone while you were engaged to him is irrelevant because the relationship is over.

Because his behavior is obsessive, I recommend you discuss this problem with your local police department. They can tell you what precautions you may need to take -- and also if the man has a prior history of stalking behavior.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)