DEAR ABBY: I have been married to "Scott" for several years. He's a wonderful man. It's the second marriage for me, the third for Scott. We are in our 40s and attend a lot of school sporting events for his youngest sons. We live in a small town. Scott grew up here and knows everyone.

My problem is the mother of one of the team members. She is married but seems to have issues. She's obnoxiously flirtatious with Scott. Her husband has not accompanied her to many of the games, and her behavior is escalating.

I am not usually a jealous person, but this is getting annoying. I have, until this point, always been nice to her. I finally spoke with Scott about it, and he does try to avoid her some. I feel like the other parents have noticed, and it is embarrassing.

Scott is trustworthy, and I don't want to take this out on him. But it has been getting to me lately, and I find myself being mad at him. I don't want to make a scene. What do you suggest? -- ANNOYED IN OAK GROVE, MO.

DEAR ANNOYED: This isn't something you can handle alone. You and your husband must confront this woman together in order to effectively put an end to it. The next time the flirt comes on to Scott, she needs to be told, "You are embarrassing both of us and yourself when you act this way -- so stop it!"

DEAR ABBY: You frequently advise a child with problems at home to seek out a trusted teacher to confide in. In today's climate of sexual abuse allegations -- and factual cases -- most teachers do not want to become involved in a student's personal life, especially since they are hearing only one side of the story.

To ask a teacher to venture into serious allegations of abuse and/or neglect is not fair to the teacher or his family, and few are qualified to help, other than to call the police or child protective services.

I would suggest instead a trusted relative who has some knowledge or insight into the family dynamics, or even a hotline number to call for professional advice. We expect a lot from our teachers, but we should not put them in jeopardy by asking them to step out of their realm, where their untrained actions or inactions could possibly be harmful. -- MOTHER OF A TEACHER, SANTA ANA, CALIF.

DEAR MOTHER OF A TEACHER: I advise children who are being physically or sexually abused to confide in a trusted teacher because teachers are mandated by law to report crimes against children. In my opinion, for a teacher to ignore it because it might be awkward would be criminal. You do not have to be "trained" to report abuse. I have done it myself.

CONFIDENTIAL TO "LOSER" IN SOUTH CAROLINA: Despite the physical, verbal and psychological abuse you have suffered at the hands of your husband all these years, you are NOT a "loser." You feel helpless, useless and unlovable not because you are any of those things, but because abusers typically chip away at their victims' self-esteem until it is eroded to zero.

Suicide is not the answer to your problem, dear lady. Finding a way to escape is. Please call the National Domestic Violence toll-free hotline so its counselors can help you form an escape plan. It will change your life. The number is (800) 799-7233. Do not waste another day -- do it now! Love, Abby

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: My boyfriend, "Connor," is very gallant. However, I believe he is carrying it too far.

Connor helps other women before he extends those courtesies to me. For instance, if we're out with other couples, he will open the door for the other women before me. Sometimes he forgets me entirely. Also, when we're in a restaurant, he will rush to hold their chairs for them while I just stand there.

At the end of the evening, he thinks nothing of leaving me to escort them to their cars. I have suggested that we do this together and that he offer me this treatment first, but he insists that it is proper protocol to extend this treatment to others first. Is this true? -- BEVERLY IN SEATTLE

DEAR BEVERLY: It certainly is not. What you're describing is not gallantry -- it's lack of consideration for your feelings.

A gentleman's first priority should be the lady he's escorting. When he rushes to assist other women before you, it means he's thinking of them first. Their escorts -- not yours -- should be seeing to their comfort and safety. I'd say your boyfriend needs to brush up on his manners.

DEAR ABBY: My husband and I are active seniors. We recently moved to an independent retirement community an equal distance from our two married daughters. Both are in their late 40s.

Much to our dismay, our older daughter has taken it upon herself to visit us frequently and unannounced at any time of day. She conveniently drops by when we're about to depart for the dining room. We end up having to invite her and being charged for her meal.

We have hinted to her about this; she dismisses it as if we were joking. We would like to get to know our new neighbors and join in the community's activities, not "social-sit" for our daughter. Any ideas? -- SENIORS IN CALIFORNIA

DEAR SENIORS: Your daughter may mean well, but if you don't nip this in the bud, you could be baby-sitting your oldest daughter until the day you die.

Stop dropping hints and tell her in plain English that you would prefer that she call before coming over to be sure it is convenient for you. If she tries to laugh it off, explain that you need time to adjust to your new surroundings and get to know your neighbors. And if she ignores your request and stops by at mealtime again, politely excuse yourselves and ask her to call next time, because you have made other plans.

DEAR ABBY: We are invited to a friend's 35th wedding anniversary party where the couple are renewing their marriage vows. The affair will be held at an upscale hotel and will be a black-tie party.

What do you think would be an appropriate gift for the occasion? Fortunately, finances are not an issue.

Please do not reveal my name or location -- my friend is a fan of yours. -- NO NAME, PLEASE

DEAR NO NAME: How about offering a "gift" in the form of a generous donation to their favorite charity?

DEAR ABBY: We are invited to a friend's 35th wedding anniversary party where the couple are renewing their marriage vows. The affair will be held at an upscale hotel and will be a black-tie party.

What do you think would be an appropriate gift for the occasion? Fortunately, finances are not an issue.

Please do not reveal my name or location -- my friend is a fan of yours. -- NO NAME, PLEASE

DEAR NO NAME: How about offering a "gift" in the form of a generous donation to their favorite charity?

DEAR ABBY: I baby-sit during the day for a family with three children -- a 9-year-old girl who's in school the majority of the time, a 4-year-old boy who plays well on his own, and a 5-month-old baby girl who requires a lot of attention.

I think of myself as good at my job. I do not tolerate talking back, whining, kicking, hitting or screaming, or time-outs will occur without hesitation. Needless to say, the kids are well-behaved with me.

When the parents come home, however, that's another story. As I am leaving, I see the children start acting badly and even kick and hit their parents! My concern is that their parents are not doing anything about this behavior. It pains me because these poor children are allowed to act out.

They are great kids, but need a little discipline after I leave the house at the end of the day. I am extremely shy, and it would be hard to confront the parents to show more discipline. Can you help me? -- CATHY IN CLEVELAND

DEAR CATHY: It would not be "confronting" the parents to have a private chat with them and explain that their children don't kick and hit you, nor do they talk back or scream -- and the reason is the penalty will be an immediate time-out. Those parents could use the lesson, and you would be helping the family to speak up. Your shyness will lessen when you concentrate on the importance of your message instead of yourself.

DEAR ABBY: There was an accident right behind my house. Many of my friends saw it unfold in front of them. Nobody was killed or seriously injured in the accident. All my friends did the following day was act like it had been a horribly traumatizing experience.

Yet when I was 11 years old, I watched a family friend die only a few feet away from me. I told my friends that my experience was obviously more traumatizing. I explained it like this: They watched four people they didn't know get into an accident because the driver was high on marijuana. I saw someone actually die.

They insist it's all the same thing. I say they're blowing it out of proportion, and they're calling me insensitive. Are they right? -- KYLE IN CONNECTICUT

DEAR KYLE: Perhaps. One man's trauma can be business as usual to someone else. Assuming your friends had never witnessed an accident, their experience probably was upsetting. What you witnessed was undeniably traumatic.

However, it is not necessary to be right all the time. Rather than alienate your friends because you need to be right, let them heal from their "trauma" and drop the subject.

DEAR ABBY: Can you answer a question about cell phone etiquette? If I'm in a store, and someone near me is having what I would consider a personal conversation, should I leave that aisle, or should the other person move to a location where he or she cannot be overheard to have that conversation? -- JOHNNY IN GASSVILLE, ARK.

DEAR JOHNNY: It is amazing how many people using cell phones in public have selective amnesia and forget that they can be overheard. You should not have to move away to avoid hearing what is being discussed. Common sense dictates that it is the responsibility of anyone using a cell phone to safeguard the information being shared.

To order "How to Write Letters for All Occasions," send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)