DEAR ABBY: When I heard that my 83-year-old mother was on life support, I caught the first plane to California to be with her. I am listed as the executor of her estate, and last year she had told me where I would find all the necessary papers I would need when the "time comes." Upon my arrival at the hospital, the doctor told my sister and me that Mama had a very slim chance of survival.

When I left the hospital to spend the night at Mama's house, I located the papers, figuring I'd need them after her impending death. I opened the box and found a handwritten letter on top of the stack of papers. It had been written by Mama exactly two months before. It was her last wishes for her funeral.

Unknown to anyone, she had changed her mind and decided she wanted no memorial at a church, only a graveside service. Shocked to read her last wishes, I felt it would be better to inform the family before she died rather than wait until we'd be even more distraught.

Well, the doctor was wrong. Mama survived a heart valve replacement and is doing well. My sister feels I was wrong to share that information while Mama was still alive. Should I have waited? -- SECOND-GUESSED IN OHIO

DEAR SECOND-GUESSED: Your sister is entitled to her opinion, but in mine you did the right thing -- and for the reason you stated. I'm pleased your mother survived the procedure and is doing well. Now everyone can discuss her last wishes with her, and if there are any bones to be picked, they can pick them with her.

DEAR ABBY: I just got out of college and have a part-time job in my field. The hours are horrible, but my job has been pretty easy and laid-back, so I had no problems.

Well, my job just got "upgraded," which means more responsibilities but no pay raise, and I am now being assigned more tasks than I can handle that early in the morning. I keep nodding off because no matter how much sleep I get, I just can't function that early.

There are other shifts that are open later in the day, and I have been thinking about asking my boss if he could put me on those, but my parents say it would be a huge mistake, and it will get me fired.

I want to keep my job, but I am just not a morning person (for the record, I tried doing the extra-caffeine thing for a while, and it literally made me sick and bedridden for two days). Any advice? -- TOO TIRED IN PARKVILLE, MO.

DEAR TOO TIRED: When it comes to biorhythms, not everyone is created alike. Some people are "larks" who spring out of bed fully alert in the morning, and that's the part of the day they are at their best. Others are "robins" who function best during the afternoon and evening. The rest are "owls." A lot of people in the entertainment business and those who work swing shifts fall into this latter category.

Because you are obviously not a lark, it seems you have two choices. The first is to approach your boss and explain that you could do a far more efficient and effective job if you were assigned to a later shift. The alternative would be to change jobs or find another field of endeavor entirely.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I am 24 years old and pregnant by a married man. I didn't find out that he was married until after I learned I was pregnant. I love him so much, and he swears he loves me, too.

He has not told his wife anything about me or his expected child. I am afraid to tell my family that he's still married. He has promised me that he's going to leave his wife, but I don't see that happening. Please tell me what to do. -- ALL ALONE IN EUSTIS, FLA.

DEAR ALL ALONE: First of all, tell your family what is going on. It appears you are going to need all the emotional support they can give you.

This man has lied and misrepresented himself to you from the beginning, so don't expect him to suddenly stand up and act like a man now. Give him a clear choice. Either he leaves his wife, or you are going to a lawyer. If he doesn't follow through on his promise to you, a lawyer is what you will need to ensure that he provides financially not only for his child, but also for your prenatal care.

DEAR ABBY: I have recently begun taking a two-hour bus ride to a nearby city on the weekends. I always buy a round-trip ticket, as I take the last bus back at night. I park my car near the bus terminal, and the same clerk always waits on me when I come in.

I began to notice that most of my fellow passengers had a different-colored ticket than mine. I didn't pay much attention to it at first. I now realize that the clerk has been selling me "senior" tickets, the kind that are reserved for people age 65 and older.

Abby, I have more than 10 years before I turn 65. By today's standards, this is far from old. This has caused me considerable embarrassment. I want to continue using the service, but I want to have the proper ticket. I think these employees should be given some sensitivity training. I'd like your thoughts on "senior citizen" discounts. -- UPSET IN UTICA, N.Y.

DEAR UPSET: The age of eligibility for senior discounts can begin from a person's mid-50s, and they can be a blessing for people who are no longer working and living on fixed incomes. The clerk may have been trying to do you a favor.

Instead of being embarrassed or upset, inform the clerk that although you appreciate his/her attempt to save you money, you are not yet eligible for the discount and would prefer to pay the full fare. That should solve your problem.

DEAR ABBY: I am a freshman in high school, and my parents are divorced. My mother lives in Florida and my dad lives in Ohio. By June, I will have to choose which one of them I want to live with -- which will mean not seeing the other one for three-quarters of the year.

I love both my parents and hate going through this. Do you have any advice for me? -- DIFFICULT CHOICE, BALTIMORE, OHIO

DEAR DIFFICULT CHOICE: My heart goes out to you because I know this is a difficult time and a wrenching decision to make. However, because your e-mail address is in the name of "Hellraisin' Devil," you should choose the parent who will be able to provide you with the most supervision until you're out of high school.

To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for nearly three years. My husband is fine except for one problem: He has a very tiny male organ. It does not bother me, but he constantly apologizes to me about it. He's so self-conscious that he doesn't like for me to see him undressed.

I'm an old-fashioned girl. I saved myself for marriage. Before I met my husband I did some heavy petting with a couple of former boyfriends, but that was all. When he and I dated, I knew he was not as well-endowed as my former boyfriends, but I accepted it.

Now he has started saying he thinks I should have an affair with someone "properly endowed" so I won't feel cheated. He says he wants me to experience satisfaction in a way he knows he can't provide me.

Abby, I don't want this. I can't understand why he's asking me to do such a thing. He keeps harping on it. At first, I was shocked. Now I must admit, he has me wondering if I really am missing something. Should I do it to pacify him and satisfy my own curiosity? I can't bring myself to go against my upbringing and commit adultery.

Please advise me. I'm frustrated about this entire situation. -- NO BIG THING?

DEAR "NO": If you do what your husband is suggesting, he will never forgive you, and it will spell the end of your marriage. He is only testing you; don't go for it.

Your husband's insecurity has gotten the best of his reasoning, and he's overdue for a frank talk with his doctor about what it takes to provide satisfaction for his wife.

While he's at it, he should ask for a referral to a specialist who can help him overcome his irrational insecurity. If he refuses to go, I urge you to go without him. It could save your marriage -- which at this point is in big trouble.

DEAR ABBY: I have been working as a nurse's aide for more than 20 years. Now that I am older, no one wants to hire me. I'm in good health and very active. I have never missed a day of work except in 1996, when I had surgery for colon cancer. Three weeks after that I went back to work, even though I took chemotherapy for a year.

I really need to work. Living on my husband's small Social Security check is impossible. I have a grown daughter who is bipolar. Our combined incomes barely cover the rent and some of our utilities.

Why can't we older folks be allowed to do something we like? I have met and taken care of some wonderful people. Having a lot in common really helped.

I don't want charity -- just a chance to work. I'm not ready to sit in a rocking chair and watch television. I enjoy getting up in the morning and being needed. Not being active bores me to death. Maybe it's time you said something about older folks who are still young at heart, Abby. -- NEEDS TO BE ACTIVE

DEAR NEEDS TO BE ACTIVE: With pleasure. Not everyone ages at the same rate. We all know people who are vigorous and healthy well into their 70s and beyond. I view older workers as a valued resource. Those who are able and willing to devote their energies to the workplace should be given the opportunity. Their loyalty, work ethic and wealth of experience are tremendous assets to any employer.

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