DEAR ABBY: I have been happily married for nearly three years. My husband is fine except for one problem: He has a very tiny male organ. It does not bother me, but he constantly apologizes to me about it. He's so self-conscious that he doesn't like for me to see him undressed.

I'm an old-fashioned girl. I saved myself for marriage. Before I met my husband I did some heavy petting with a couple of former boyfriends, but that was all. When he and I dated, I knew he was not as well-endowed as my former boyfriends, but I accepted it.

Now he has started saying he thinks I should have an affair with someone "properly endowed" so I won't feel cheated. He says he wants me to experience satisfaction in a way he knows he can't provide me.

Abby, I don't want this. I can't understand why he's asking me to do such a thing. He keeps harping on it. At first, I was shocked. Now I must admit, he has me wondering if I really am missing something. Should I do it to pacify him and satisfy my own curiosity? I can't bring myself to go against my upbringing and commit adultery.

Please advise me. I'm frustrated about this entire situation. -- NO BIG THING?

DEAR "NO": If you do what your husband is suggesting, he will never forgive you, and it will spell the end of your marriage. He is only testing you; don't go for it.

Your husband's insecurity has gotten the best of his reasoning, and he's overdue for a frank talk with his doctor about what it takes to provide satisfaction for his wife.

While he's at it, he should ask for a referral to a specialist who can help him overcome his irrational insecurity. If he refuses to go, I urge you to go without him. It could save your marriage -- which at this point is in big trouble.

DEAR ABBY: I have been working as a nurse's aide for more than 20 years. Now that I am older, no one wants to hire me. I'm in good health and very active. I have never missed a day of work except in 1996, when I had surgery for colon cancer. Three weeks after that I went back to work, even though I took chemotherapy for a year.

I really need to work. Living on my husband's small Social Security check is impossible. I have a grown daughter who is bipolar. Our combined incomes barely cover the rent and some of our utilities.

Why can't we older folks be allowed to do something we like? I have met and taken care of some wonderful people. Having a lot in common really helped.

I don't want charity -- just a chance to work. I'm not ready to sit in a rocking chair and watch television. I enjoy getting up in the morning and being needed. Not being active bores me to death. Maybe it's time you said something about older folks who are still young at heart, Abby. -- NEEDS TO BE ACTIVE

DEAR NEEDS TO BE ACTIVE: With pleasure. Not everyone ages at the same rate. We all know people who are vigorous and healthy well into their 70s and beyond. I view older workers as a valued resource. Those who are able and willing to devote their energies to the workplace should be given the opportunity. Their loyalty, work ethic and wealth of experience are tremendous assets to any employer.

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: After reading the letter from "Invaded" (March 9), and her description of the behavior of "Thelma," the gossipy coordinator, I was disgusted. That woman should be reported to personnel for her nosiness and big mouth.

Medical and mental health information are private. And the card to the woman who'd had a miscarriage may have been extremely hurtful if she didn't want anyone to know. Most women who have had multiple miscarriages don't tell anyone until they are sure they will carry the baby to term. Returning to work and talking to people who do not have the need to know is hard for them.

I can't believe the gall of that woman. Maybe she needs a heavier workload to keep her busy, or to be dismissed! -- DISGUSTED IN FORT COLLINS, COLO.

DEAR DISGUSTED: A number of people who, like you, were appalled by "Thelma's" behavior, or had similar stories to share, weighed in on "Invaded's" letter. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: "Thelma" has exposed herself and her employer to fines upward of $25,000 and other regulatory action. "Invaded" should immediately contact the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Office for Civil Rights. This woman's "gossip" is far more than annoying. It's a violation of the Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act (HIPAA).

This law was designed to protect the privacy of all Americans with regard to their medical information. The Office for Civil Rights specifically handles violations of the act. A fact sheet on how to file a complaint is available at � HYPERLINK "http://www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacyhowtofile.htm" ��www.hhs.gov/ocr/privacyhowtofile.htm�. -- JOE IN ATLANTA

DEAR ABBY: With regard to "Thelma" asking her co-workers about their private medical business, I went through the same thing at one of my previous jobs. I found that if you turn the tables, things change rapidly.

A woman in our office always asked the most inappropriately personal questions and made everyone around her uncomfortable. We squirmed for months, until one of my friends suggested the following idea.

All of us in the office got together and made a list of the top 100 worst questions you could ever be asked. We all kept copies of them in our desks, and whenever "our Thelma" came around to one of us, we picked one to sincerely and innocently ask her. After trying to hem and haw her way out of questions about her sex life, her hair dye and various other things, she finally started avoiding us -- to the point of turning around and heading the other way whenever she saw one of us coming.

Problem solved! We found that a little of her own medicine worked wonders. -- TERRY T., ST. JOSEPH, MO.

DEAR ABBY: Tell "Invaded" to get a medical dictionary. When asked for a reason for medical leave, give the most complicated explanation of the illness. Words like "projectile vomiting," "explosive diarrhea" or "rhinorrhea with catarrh" will usually stop the conversation. -- JANE IN BERKELEY, CALIF.

DEAR ABBY: I also live in New Bern, N.C., and gossip in this town is not limited to her law firm -- it's pervasive. I know the focus of "Invaded's" letter was labor law, but there's also the issue of emotional pain that gossip can cause when a person is going through a difficult time. If you're not a close friend or relative who is providing emotional support during a time of need, you should not be discussing the person's personal life. Period. -- CAN'T WAIT TO MOVE

For everything you need to know about wedding planning, order "How to Have a Lovely Wedding." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Wedding Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: You asked readers to share their pet peeves with you. Mine is careless drivers. I am a single mother who supports her children. I can't afford to be killed or maimed on the road.

This afternoon I was behind a woman who was driving erratically. She rolled through stop signs, sped up and slowed down for no apparent reason, and switched from lane to lane. When I was finally able to safely pass her, I saw that she wasn't drunk as I had suspected -- but was driving her van down the crowded freeway with her elbows on the wheel because she was using both hands to hold the hamburger she was eating. Abby, the woman was doing 70 miles an hour. All she needed to do was sneeze once to lose control of her vehicle.

I am angry with people who drive while talking on a cell phone, eating, applying makeup, reading, searching through purses or briefcases, or playing with pets on their laps. People who are behind the wheel have the power to end not only their own lives and the lives of their passengers, but also the lives of every driver, passenger and pedestrian they encounter in the blink of an eye.

Please, America! Clean up your act. If you don't have both hands on the wheel and your full attention on the road, then you are not driving responsibly. Maybe your family doesn't need you alive and healthy, but my kids need me! -- CINDY IN MINNEAPOLIS

DEAR CINDY: Something as simple as paying attention and observing the traffic laws would prevent many injuries and death. To do anything less is to invite a tragedy. Every evening there are news reports about perfectly healthy people in the prime of life who lost their lives because of the carelessness of another driver. When commuters are behind the wheel, it is vital that they keep both hands on the wheel, their eyes on the road and their minds 100 percent on the task at hand.

DEAR ABBY: I recently bought a couple of items in the dollar store here in town. I had $2 in change to pay for them. The owner of the store refused to accept the dimes and told me to go back to the bank and get paper money.

I was under the impression that dimes are legal tender and should have been acceptable. It was a humiliating experience. Am I wrong? -- MISS J. IN WHITING, N.J.

DEAR MISS J.: You're not wrong. Coins are legal tender, and the store owner should have accepted them. By not doing so, the store owner was telling you that your business was not welcome. I wouldn't blame you if you never set foot in that establishment again.

DEAR ABBY: We have a ring controversy at the office. Some say the engagement ring should be worn on the ring finger of the left hand before marriage. Others insist it should be worn on the ring finger of the right hand until after the ceremony. Which is correct? -- FRANK IN MILFORD, N.H.

DEAR FRANK: According to Emily Post, in the United States the engagement ring is worn on the third finger of the left hand -- next to the little finger -- although in some foreign countries it's worn on the right hand. It is removed for the wedding ceremony, when the wedding band is placed on the bride's finger, and replaced immediately after the ceremony outside the wedding ring. (The wedding band is always worn "closest to the heart.")

Good advice for everyone -- teens to seniors -- is in "The Anger in All of Us and How to Deal With It." To order, send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)