DEAR ABBY: My daughter recently had a baby boy. Mother and baby are doing fine, but the problem is the sonogram during pregnancy showed a baby girl, according to the doctor. So now our grandson has a slew of pink blankets, jammies and clothes given by friends before little Jack was born. I say, no big deal.

My wife says it is a big deal. No way a boy should be dressed in pink. She's worried the color will give the wrong message to people, who will then treat our grandson like a girl in a way they won't even be aware of, even though they're told he's a boy. She worries that this will somehow make him a cross-dresser when he's grown up and make him gay.

Our daughter and son-in-law are in a quandary, too, over the pink clothes. What do you think? -- JACK'S GRANDPA IN GUERNEVILLE, CALIF.

DEAR GRANDPA: As long as the baby gifts have not been used, there should be no problem exchanging them for items in the "right" color.

However, please tell your wife that her fears are groundless. Even if her grandson decides to become a cross-dresser later in life -- which, by the way is NOT related to what color clothes a man wore as a baby -- it won't make him gay. The majority of cross-dressers are heterosexual.

DEAR ABBY: I am a 23-year-old "woman." I say "woman" because I still feel like a girl.

I graduated from college two years ago. Unlike a lot of people my age, I am self-supporting. Since graduation, I have tried to adopt some of the behaviors of an adult. I work hard at my job and manage my money well. I get up early on weekends and do chores around the house, and I'm learning how to cook. I make an effort to reach out to my parents, who are recently retired. I try to learn about the world around me and keep up with the news.

So why do I still feel like a teenage kid? -- KID AT HEART IN NORTH CAROLINA

DEAR KID AT HEART: Please don't judge yourself so harshly. You are more mature than many people who are chronologically older.

From my perspective, it appears that you are growing up at a very respectable pace. If you are under the impression that because people reach a certain age they are suddenly mature adults, you are operating under a misconception. Age is only a number. People mature at different rates, and there are folks in their 50s, 60s and older who are still growing up. Wisdom and maturity are gained cumulatively -- and in some cases it can take a lot longer than 21 years for individuals to stop behaving like children.

DEAR ABBY: I was visiting a local shopping center and was dismayed to notice that the car parked next to mine had a baby seat in the back -- complete with an actual live baby.

My first instinct was to immediately call the police. However, it was a mild day and partially overcast, and the moderate conditions made me hesitate for fear of being a "busybody." A day later, I'm still second-guessing myself. So I ask you, did I do the right thing by not sticking my nose in, or was it my responsibility to have alerted the authorities? -- INDECISIVE IN SAN MATEO

DEAR INDECISIVE: Unless you were prepared to stay by the vehicle until that foolish, neglectful parent returned, you should have called the police. Leaving a baby alone in a parking lot, regardless of how mild the weather was, is against the law. In some states, there are also laws against leaving pets in parked cars.

TO MY JEWISH READERS: Sundown marks the first night of Passover. Happy Passover, everyone!

For an excellent guide to becoming a better conversationalist and a more attractive person, order "How to Be Popular." Send a business-size, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds only) to: Dear Abby Popularity Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included.)

DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I am very confused. I am four months' pregnant and have been engaged for two years. My fiance's father asked him the other day when we were going to get married, and he looked at his father and said he no longer believes in marriage.

I don't know what to do. My fiance says he loves me and wants to be with me and the baby when it's born, but he isn't saying he wants to get married anymore after all this time. It's almost as if he is taking back the words "I love you."

Please tell me what to do. -- HURT BEYOND WORDS, ALBERTA, CANADA

DEAR HURT BEYOND WORDS: Start by having a calm discussion with your "fiance" about when he had his change of heart. Whether he marries you or not, he has a financial responsibility to his child. Then ask yourself if this is the kind of life you want to be living in 10 years or so.

Marriage carries with it certain protections, advantages and guarantees. Examples: If he were to become seriously ill, who would make medical decisions for him? If he were to die, who would inherit his property? If this man loves you, does he not want you and his child to be legally protected?

Your next step is to discuss the legal implications with a lawyer, because even if this man doesn't want to protect you, you must ensure that your child will be provided for.

DEAR ABBY: I am 33 and have been dating "Lauren" for three years. I saw a great future together -- that is, until my parents decided they hated Lauren and refused to meet her. My parents are unreasonable and judgmental. They say I should marry a "family-oriented" girl who meets their qualifications.

I moved back home after college and have had relationships, but never married. Having no siblings, I have always been super close with my parents, but they are doing everything in their power to destroy my relationship with Lauren and control me.

We can't communicate respectfully about this because they claim that "desperation" has caused me to "settle" and accuse Lauren of turning me against them. Although they say they want me to be happy with a family and to make my own decisions, they have informed me that they will not attend our wedding, nor be a part of our lives.

Lauren and I get along well and love each other. She is willing to start all over with them and forget what has happened, but they still refuse to meet her. I feel that I am still the only person who can determine what "qualifications" are important to me in a life partner, but my parents are forcing me to make a choice. Should I continue trying, or move on? -- ON THE SPOT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ON THE SPOT: It is possible that your parents are so emotionally fixated on you, their only child, who moved back home after college, that they are having problems "letting go." I find it sad that they have drawn a line in the sand.

Before you "move on," please consider family counseling for you and your parents. A licensed psychotherapist might be able to help you all communicate better, and help them to recognize that the more they attempt to control you, the further they are pushing you away. I am also recommending premarital counseling for you and Lauren, because after you marry, she may encounter significant in-law problems.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I just went through a horrible experience -- a drug intervention with my sister, who is now in rehab. When I returned from the rehab center the other day, my precious niece handed me a letter to give to her mother.

If anyone reading this is "dabbling" in drugs, thinking it will only hurt him- or herself, read on:

"Dear Mom, these are questions I need answers to.

"Why are you doing this to us?

"What were you thinking about?

"Will you get the help you need?

"Will you come back?

"When are you going to stop running away?

"Do you know how worried we are?

"P.S. PLEASE come back! We all love you."

That was her letter, verbatim. By the way, my niece is 9. -- DISTRESSED SISTER, FORT PAYNE, ALA.

DEAR SISTER: From the mouths of babes ... I'm sure that most individuals who "dabble" in drugs do so thinking they won't become dependent. However, your niece's letter is a reminder that many people do, and I hope it has the desired effect on your sister. That sad little girl is clearly in pain, and her letter highlights the fact that addiction is never just one person's problem. It affects not only the users, but also everyone who cares about them.

DEAR ABBY: For the entire seven years that I have been married to "Chris," I have been the breadwinner. Chris is to be the stay-at-home parent -- which would be all right if we had kids. Chris has worked only two months since our wedding. He always has one reason or another why he can't look for a job. Instead, he stays at home all day and does a few things around the house. Then he makes it sound like it took him all day and expects praise for it.

If that weren't enough, his parents live with us, and they don't do anything either. Sometimes I want to leave Chris, but then I get scared because he tells me he will make sure I would have to pay him since I have "accustomed him to a lifestyle" where money is involved.

Abby, I have worked extremely hard to educate myself so that I could make the most of every opportunity available to me, and now I'm almost regretting that I made that choice. I have a great job that affords me the lifestyle I want, but I don't want a life where I'm supporting everyone. When I try to talk to Chris about this, he gets angry and ignores me. Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- BEAST OF BURDEN IN CHICAGO

DEAR BEAST OF BURDEN: Of course Chris gets angry when you try to talk to him about the unfairness of the situation. He is living the life of Riley while you support him and his parents -- three able-bodied adults! And when you point out the unfairness of the situation, he threatens you with spousal support in perpetuity? Outrageous.

The time has come to make an appointment with an attorney and discuss your options. Please do not put it off, because in some states the length of a marriage determines how long spousal support is in effect. In other words, you might have to pay Chris for a while -- but not nearly as long as you fear, nor as long as he would have you believe.

     To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)