DEAR ABBY: Please help me. I am very confused. I am four months' pregnant and have been engaged for two years. My fiance's father asked him the other day when we were going to get married, and he looked at his father and said he no longer believes in marriage.

I don't know what to do. My fiance says he loves me and wants to be with me and the baby when it's born, but he isn't saying he wants to get married anymore after all this time. It's almost as if he is taking back the words "I love you."

Please tell me what to do. -- HURT BEYOND WORDS, ALBERTA, CANADA

DEAR HURT BEYOND WORDS: Start by having a calm discussion with your "fiance" about when he had his change of heart. Whether he marries you or not, he has a financial responsibility to his child. Then ask yourself if this is the kind of life you want to be living in 10 years or so.

Marriage carries with it certain protections, advantages and guarantees. Examples: If he were to become seriously ill, who would make medical decisions for him? If he were to die, who would inherit his property? If this man loves you, does he not want you and his child to be legally protected?

Your next step is to discuss the legal implications with a lawyer, because even if this man doesn't want to protect you, you must ensure that your child will be provided for.

DEAR ABBY: I am 33 and have been dating "Lauren" for three years. I saw a great future together -- that is, until my parents decided they hated Lauren and refused to meet her. My parents are unreasonable and judgmental. They say I should marry a "family-oriented" girl who meets their qualifications.

I moved back home after college and have had relationships, but never married. Having no siblings, I have always been super close with my parents, but they are doing everything in their power to destroy my relationship with Lauren and control me.

We can't communicate respectfully about this because they claim that "desperation" has caused me to "settle" and accuse Lauren of turning me against them. Although they say they want me to be happy with a family and to make my own decisions, they have informed me that they will not attend our wedding, nor be a part of our lives.

Lauren and I get along well and love each other. She is willing to start all over with them and forget what has happened, but they still refuse to meet her. I feel that I am still the only person who can determine what "qualifications" are important to me in a life partner, but my parents are forcing me to make a choice. Should I continue trying, or move on? -- ON THE SPOT IN NEW JERSEY

DEAR ON THE SPOT: It is possible that your parents are so emotionally fixated on you, their only child, who moved back home after college, that they are having problems "letting go." I find it sad that they have drawn a line in the sand.

Before you "move on," please consider family counseling for you and your parents. A licensed psychotherapist might be able to help you all communicate better, and help them to recognize that the more they attempt to control you, the further they are pushing you away. I am also recommending premarital counseling for you and Lauren, because after you marry, she may encounter significant in-law problems.

What teens need to know about sex, drugs, AIDS and getting along with peers and parents is in "What Every Teen Should Know." To order, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Teen Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR ABBY: I just went through a horrible experience -- a drug intervention with my sister, who is now in rehab. When I returned from the rehab center the other day, my precious niece handed me a letter to give to her mother.

If anyone reading this is "dabbling" in drugs, thinking it will only hurt him- or herself, read on:

"Dear Mom, these are questions I need answers to.

"Why are you doing this to us?

"What were you thinking about?

"Will you get the help you need?

"Will you come back?

"When are you going to stop running away?

"Do you know how worried we are?

"P.S. PLEASE come back! We all love you."

That was her letter, verbatim. By the way, my niece is 9. -- DISTRESSED SISTER, FORT PAYNE, ALA.

DEAR SISTER: From the mouths of babes ... I'm sure that most individuals who "dabble" in drugs do so thinking they won't become dependent. However, your niece's letter is a reminder that many people do, and I hope it has the desired effect on your sister. That sad little girl is clearly in pain, and her letter highlights the fact that addiction is never just one person's problem. It affects not only the users, but also everyone who cares about them.

DEAR ABBY: For the entire seven years that I have been married to "Chris," I have been the breadwinner. Chris is to be the stay-at-home parent -- which would be all right if we had kids. Chris has worked only two months since our wedding. He always has one reason or another why he can't look for a job. Instead, he stays at home all day and does a few things around the house. Then he makes it sound like it took him all day and expects praise for it.

If that weren't enough, his parents live with us, and they don't do anything either. Sometimes I want to leave Chris, but then I get scared because he tells me he will make sure I would have to pay him since I have "accustomed him to a lifestyle" where money is involved.

Abby, I have worked extremely hard to educate myself so that I could make the most of every opportunity available to me, and now I'm almost regretting that I made that choice. I have a great job that affords me the lifestyle I want, but I don't want a life where I'm supporting everyone. When I try to talk to Chris about this, he gets angry and ignores me. Please help me. I don't know what to do. -- BEAST OF BURDEN IN CHICAGO

DEAR BEAST OF BURDEN: Of course Chris gets angry when you try to talk to him about the unfairness of the situation. He is living the life of Riley while you support him and his parents -- three able-bodied adults! And when you point out the unfairness of the situation, he threatens you with spousal support in perpetuity? Outrageous.

The time has come to make an appointment with an attorney and discuss your options. Please do not put it off, because in some states the length of a marriage determines how long spousal support is in effect. In other words, you might have to pay Chris for a while -- but not nearly as long as you fear, nor as long as he would have you believe.

     To receive a collection of Abby's most memorable -- and most frequently requested -- poems and essays, send a business-sized, self-addressed envelope, plus check or money order for $6 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby -- Keepers Booklet, P.O. Box 447, Mount Morris, IL 61054-0447. (Postage is included in the price.)

DEAR READERS: Yesterday I printed a sample of the e-mails I received in response to the letter from "Cleveland Mom" (Feb. 25), whose twins -- both juniors in high school -- had been approached at school by military recruiters "who made the military sound exciting and glamorous." Today I am printing more of them. Read on:

DEAR ABBY: I have a son, 17, and a 14-year-old daughter. Both have met with military recruiters from almost all the branches at school. At first, I was furious. However, my husband and I decided to meet with each recruiter and discuss the options with our son. He thought we'd oppose his joining and wanted to shut us out.

As a mom, I don't want my child to die in a war -- no parent does. As a citizen who values our soldiers defending our nation, I couldn't be prouder of our servicemen and women.

Our children will do as they choose. At 18, they can enlist. Our choice is whether to be a part of it. Personally, I want to be a part of my son's life, so I will support him in every way possible and pray several times a day. -- SOON-TO-BE MOM OF A SERVICEMAN AND POSSIBLY A SERVICEWOMAN

DEAR MOM: Your idea of meeting with the recruiters who were talking to your children was an excellent one, and an option I -- and I'll bet many of my readers -- did not know was available.

DEAR ABBY: Our country needs dedicated, informed young men and women who know the risks and consequences of their voluntary service.

One option she should mention to her twins is to attend college and participate in the Reserve Officer Training Corps (ROTC). They would incur no obligation for the first two years. This would give them the chance to experience a little of what military duty entails, and make an informed decision whether or not to pursue an active tour of duty. If, at that point, they decide to join the military, completing the ROTC program would put them in line for a commission as an officer.

Having spent 32 years in the Army as both an enlisted man and as an officer, I've served with or led some of the finest young people this country can offer. The best ones were always those who had the facts before deciding to join.

P.S. Please remind "Cleveland Mom" that the decision to go to war is made not by the military, but by her elected representatives. -- COL., U.S. ARMY (RET.)

DEAR ABBY: I'm a former Army recruiter. I understand the fear that "Cleveland Mom" and her husband are facing. I faced it myself as I enlisted young men and women knowing that the answer to, "Am I going to Iraq?" was, in many cases, "Yes." Regardless, our Army is necessary and does not serve solely for the conflict in Iraq. Our military is equipped, trained and ready to serve not only in combat, but in humanitarian support as well.

My recommendation to your readers is not to discourage youth who wish to serve. Rather, assist them in asking smart, pointed questions when they visit their recruiter. A good recruiter will answer honestly and to the best of his or her ability. It is also common for a family member to request to accompany their recruit as he or she chooses a job at the Military Entrance Processing Station.

Some things to bear in mind: Every service is different in its job assignments and contract length. Jobs are based on the Armed Services Vocational Aptitude Battery score, physical ability, moral background and availability. Everyone signs up for eight years of Military Service Obligation (generally two to four years active service, with the remainder as an inactive reservist), and only 15 percent of the population ages 17 to 24 is qualified to serve. -- JEROLD Z., SGT. 1ST CLASS, U.S. ARMY (RET.)

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